Practical philosophy of social life; or The art of conversing with men:

Ex Libris
C. K. OGDEN

',

THE LIBRARY

OF

THE UNIVERSITY
OF CALIFORNIA

LOS ANGELES

PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

OP

SOCIAL LIFE;

t

OR

THE ART OF CONVERSING WITH MEN:

AFTER THE GERMAN

3ARON KNIG

IN TWO VOLUMES.

B r P. WILL,

MINISTER OF THE REFORMED GERMAN CONGREGATION
THB SAVOY.

VOLUME THE FIRST.

LONDON*

PRINTED FOR T. CADE LI., JUN. AND W. DAVIES.
M DCCXCIX.

?Ti

?3

TO

v./

WILLIAM CURTIS, GENT.

AT

HAMBURG;

THESE rOLUMES

ARE DEDICATED,

AS A MARK OF HIS ESTEEM AND AFFECTION,

THE EDITOR.

a 2

PREFACE.

A HE greater part of the subsequent pages, is
the result of the observations and experience of
Baron KNIGGE, a Nobleman whose talents are
justly respected in Germany, where he acted a
conspicuous part in the republic of letters, and
on the stage of the great world. His active
temper urged him with irresistible impetuosity
to render .his abilities and scientific knowledge
useful to mankind ; but being persecuted in the
very beginning of his public career, by the
heavy blows of adverse fate, beset by numerous
enemies whom his independent spirit and the
superiority of his mental accomplishments had
provoked,' frequently misguided by his too easy
confidence in the rectitude of men, precipitated
by his fiery enthusiasm for truth and the hap-
piness of his brethren, and an implacable enemy

VI PREFACE.

to despotism and intolerance, he failed in all his
plans to secure a post in which he could have
exerted his talents and the benevolence of his
heart for the benefit of his fellow-citizens.
Aspersion and the persecution of a set of men
who hated him, because he scorned to cringe and
to be subservient to their selfish views and op-
pressions, compelled him to quit his native
c'ouhtry, and to become a citizen of the world at
large. He rovecl Germany, for some years, ill
all directions, sometimes being a visitor of the
palades of the great, and sometimes a humble
pedestrian, mixing with the middle and inferior
rahks; atld exerting all the energy of his mind
tb accommodate himself, as much as honesty
and the consciousness of his innate dignity would
permit^ to the prejudices, customs, and peculia-
rities of those with whom he cultivated a tem-
porary connexion. This enabled him to ac-
quire a most extensive and profound knowledge
of the human heart, of its numerous turnings
arid windings, of the most effective means of
1

PREFACE. Yli

getting access to it, of the principal causes of
the want of social happiness which he discovered
in the splendid circles of the great, in the hum-
ble habitations of the middle ranks, and in the
cottages of the poor, and the most successful
means of rendering our intercourse with our
brethren more comfortable and cheerful. The
acquisition of that useful store of the most va-
luable knowledge animated him with additional
zeal to contribute his mite to the reformation of
our degenerated age, and in this disposition of
mind he became more intimately acquainted
with Weishaupt and Zwack, the two principal
founders of the Order of the Illuminati. Their
gigantic plan to collect a host of the greatest
geniuses of all ranks and countries around them,
to check by the joint efforts of their abilities
and power the progress of the growing evil,
their pressing solicitations to take a leading part
in their confederacy, and the hope of being en-
abled by siich a powerful union to employ his
talents more successfully for the benefit of

PREFACE.

mankind, were charms which his heart could not
resist. He accepted the offer, and became one
of the most active and successful leaders of the
union. But alas ! he soon beheld with grief
and sorrow that the alluring prospects which had
been held out to him, were nothing but a
charming dream, and was at last convinced that
the society in which he had been received,
would never be capable of accomplishing the
arduous task which was the primary object of
their union, as but few of its members were ani-
mated with that heroic disinterestedness and
self-denial which were required, if the power in-
vested in their hands were to prove beneficial to
the world. Party-spirit, arnbition and other
passions soon began to undermine the fabric ;
caballing traitors abused the power which the
society possessed, to revenge themselves upon
their enemies, or to satisfy their thirst for domi-
nion and wealth. The union, Which might have
become a blessing to mankind, threatened to,
prove a scourge to every state where its influence

PREFACE. DC

prevailed ; the knave and the honest man were
persecuted without discrimination, and Baron
Knigge redoubled in vain his energy and zeal
to purify the corrupted society, and to destroy
the poison with which it was infected. His ex-
ertions were fruitless ; his own associates became
his most inveterate enemies, and he saw him-
self compelled to renounce all connexion
with his corrupted brethren, and to retire to his
former seclusion from the world, after having
learnt by experience, and at the cxpcnce of his
tranquillity and health, that no society of men,
how great soever their combined talents, and
how well calculated their plans may be, can
hope to accelerate the age of general illumina-
tion and virtue contrary to the course of nature,
which is slow, but progressive and sure ; and
that it is more becoming a man who wishes to
be happy himself and to promote the happiness
of his brethren, to take the world as it is, to do
whatever lays in his power to ameliorate our
corrupted age gradually, without noise and with-

2

X PREFACE.

out relying too much on the co-operation of
others, and to counteract the bad effects of the
spreading corruption by a prudent and wise
conduct, than to convulse the natural order of
things by forcing more light upon our cotem-
poraries than their weak eyes can bear. Actu-
ated by this dear-bought experience, he now
confined himself entirely to the exertion of his
literary talents, and dedicated the rest of his
life to the laudable employment of circulating
in his writings rules of prudence, the practice of
which will enable us to avert many of those cala-
mities and painful disappointments that are the
natural consequences of our want of knowledge
of the world, and of the prejudices, the igno-
rance, passions, bodily and mental infirmities,
vices and the vitiated taste of those with whom
we live, and to prosecute our career with secu-
rity and success. Of all the books which he
wrote for that purpose, none was better received
and more generally admired than his celebrated
work " On Conversation with Men" (Uber

PREFACE. XI

clcn Umgang mit Menschen,) which contains a
most valuable store of practical lessons of wis-
dom, abounds with a profound knowledge of the
world and the human heart, and is unanimously
allowed to be the best essay on the real Philoso-
phy of Social Life which ever has been published
in any country. It went through five editions
in the course of a few years, and, if I may pre-
sume to judge of its usefulness from my own
experience, stands foremost amongst all the
books which ever have been written to promote
social happiness.

The advantages which I have derived from the
study and application of the excellent observa-
tions and rules which this work contains, and
the salutary effects which I have seen it pro-
duce in the life of those of my pupils to whom I
recommended it, and who followed the sage in-
structions with which it abounds, made me wish
most ardently to see it dressed in an English
garb, and circulated in a country which is so dear
to me, and which of late has naturalized so many

xii P fl E ? A p E.

infenour children of the German Muse. But *
as the original is entirely modified after the
local wants, customs, and situation of Germany,
and, besides, contains many chasms which I
wished to fill up in an English edition, I was
obliged almost entirely to new-mould it, in order
to render it more congenial to the soil into which
I intended transplanting it, to collect the addi-
tions which it wanted with care and assiduity,
to read all the tooks in which I expected to find
materials that suited my .purpose, and to make
such observations as would enable me to ascer-
tain how the authour would have shaped his
rules and instructions, if he had wrote for an
English public a task which procrastinated the
publication of these volumes more than three
years.

The most valuable additions which the suc-
ceeding sheets contain, were gathered from the
works of Bahrcl, Zollikoser, Reinhard, Zimmer-
man (the celebrated authour of the publication
On Solitude) and Fessler names which are

r n E fr A c E. xiii

highly respected on the German Parnassus. As
for those that are the result of my own reflec-
tions and observations, they are too few to add
anything very material to the intrinsic merit of
these volumes, or to injure the fame of their
original authour.

By giving this work the title of Practical
Philosophy of Social Life, I by no means presume
to offer it to the Public as a complete system of
that branch of philosophy, but only wish that it
may be regarded as a collection of fragments,
from which some abler hand may hereafter com-
pose a structure more deserving of the name.

As it will J)e my highest ambition to render this
adopted child of my Muse more complete and
generally useful in a second edition, if it should
have the good fortune to meet with a favourable
reception, the Reviewers will do me the justice
to believe, that I shall feel myself infinitely
obliged to them for every candid remark and
censure that can tend to open my eyes to its
defects ; for the truth is, I do not presume to

XIV PREFACE.

flatter myself with the idea of having rendered
the succeeding volumes as perfect as I could
have wished, and therefore do not stand in need
of gentle correction.

MAY 1 8, 1799. P. WILL.

INTRODUCTION.

VV E frequently see that the most prudent
and judicious people take steps in common life
which astonish us ; we experience but too often,
that men who have a more than common theo-
retical knowledge of the human heart, become
victims of the grossest imposition ; we have nu
merous opportunities of observing that the most
experienced and skilful people on common inci-
dents apply the most contrary means, and strive
in vain, to operate on others ; and notwith-
standing their great superiority of genius, fre-
quently depend upon the follies of others, and
the whims and obstinacy of weaker minds ; that
they must suffer themselves to be ruled and
abused by persons who possess not half their
abilities and deserve not to be compared with
them ; whereas others, who are extremely poor
jn spirit and 4estitute of all intrinsic merit, ac-

VOL. I. I)

XVI INTRODUCTION.

complish things which the wise scarcely dare to
wish performing. We see that many an honest
man is almost entirely neglected, that the wit-
tiest and brightest geniuses but too often act a
pitiful part in societies where all eyes are di-
rected at them, and all are watching with avi-
dity every word they are about to utter ; we see
them sit mute in a corner, or hear them utter
only common and trivial things, while an
inferior genius contrives to combine and dress
up the small sum of notions he has accidentally
picked up, with so much dexterity, as to create
general interest, and to be thought even by sci-
entific men, to possess no small share of know-
ledge and judgment. We further see, that the
most striking beauties are not generally ad-
mired, while persons who are endowed only with
a small share of personal charms excite general
admiration. In short, we observe every day,
that the most judicious and learned men, are, if
not the unfittest for worldly business, at least so
unfortunate as to be neglected, because they
arc destitute of the art of showing themselves in

3 favourable light, and that the most cultivated

1

INTRODUCTION. XV11

minds who are gifted by nature with internal
and personal perfections, frequently are least
capable of appearing to advantage.

Many people imagine themselves entitled, by
supcriour accomplishments, to disregard trifling
rules of social propriety and all conventional
laws of decorum. But this is a very fatal infa-
tuation. We are, indeed, willing to excuse
great faults counterbalanced by great accom-
plishments, because people of more refined feel-
ings most commonly have more violent passions ;
but in situations where the latter are not affected,
the man of superior rank ought to act with
more prudence than a person of the common
stamp ; and no one wishing to live and act in
society, can be excused for despising its inno-
cent customs.

By this observation however we do not mean
to reflect blame upon those that voluntarily
resign the admiration of the titled and untitled
populace, to which a truly wise man is some-
times compelled to have recourse. It is but
natural that a man of superior talents should be

reserved and silent in companies where he is
b 2

XVH1 INTRODUCTION.

not understood ; that a man who possesses
genuine wit and a refined judgment, should not
demean himself to act the merry-maker in a
circle of trifling and empty-headed coxcombs ;
it is also natural, that a man who is graced with
a certain dignity of character, should have too
much noble pride to become an equal associate
with every indifferent set of people who are of
no importance to him, to fall in with the tone
which conceited striplings have adopted on their
travels, or that he should bend in obedient sub-
mission to all the dictates of ever-changing
fashion, which but too frequently receives its
shape and form from dancers, actors, and tailors,
or is modelled by folly and vice ; it is obvious,
that it is more becoming a youth to be modest
and unassuming than intruding, arrogant, and
ranting, like most of our young men ; that the
wiser a noble-minded man is, the more modest,
diffident of his own knowledge, and the less
intruding he will be ; that the more conscious a
person is of intrinsic and real merit, the less art
he will employ to exhibit his perfections, as a
real beauty despises all those mean alluring

INTRODUCTION. XIX

artifices of coquetry by which some females
strive to attract notice. But of all this we are
not particularly speaking here.

Neither do we allude to the folly of the of-
fended pride of those that are actuated by im-
moderate and arrogant pretensions, demand-
ing to be constantly adulated, flattered and
distinguished, and who act but a sorry part
on being overlooked ; nor do we speak of the
offended arrogance of an absurd pedant, who
grows ill-humoured when he has the misfortune
of not being known and caressed every where
as a great luminary. We also do not animad-
vert here upon the consequences of the conduct
of the gross Cynic, who according to his Hotten-
tot system, despises all rules prescribed in So-
cial Life by general consent and mutual polite-
ness ; or on the silliness of those eccentric pre-
tenders, who presume to be privileged by the
imaginary superiority of their genius, to disre-
gard all the laws of custom, decorum and reason.
And when we assert, that the wisest and most
judicious people very frequently miss their aim
in conversation, and in the prosecution of

XK INTRODUCTION.

respect, as well as in civil and other advantages ;
we likewise cannot pay any regard to the heavy
blows of misfortune which sometimes persecute
the best of men ; nor to the effects of an un-
happy, passionate or unsociable temper, which
in many people eclipses the most excellent qua-
lities. This observation rather alludes to those
people who combine the best will and sincere
probity with very prominent good qualities, and
an indefatigable zeal to pass honourably and
smoothly through the world, to establish their own
prosperity and to promote that of their fellow-
men, but notwithstanding are overlookedand fail
in their diligent endeavours to effect so laudable
a purpose. What is the cause of this pheno-
menon ? Of what quality are they destitute
which others possess, who, notwithstanding
their being devoid of intrinsic worth, attain the
highest degree of prosperity ? They are desti-
tute of what the French call esprit de conduite,
of the art of conversing with men : an art which
the blockhead frequently catches sooner with-
out studying it, than the judicious, wise, or
witty; the art of rendering themselves noticed,

INTRODUCTION. XXI

distinguished and respected, without provoking
envy ; to accommodate the mselves to the various
tempers, opinions and passions of men, with-
out being deceitful ; to be able to fall in unaf-
fectedly with the tone of every company, with-
out losing the originality of their character, or
demeaning themselves to low flattery. The
man whom nature has not gifted with this happy
disposition, must acquire by the study of men
a certain pliancy, sociability, moderation, for-
bearance, self-denial, dominion over his passions,
watchfulness over himself, and the serenity of an
uniformly equal temper ; and he will obtain pos-
session of that useful art which only with jus-
tice can be called the Practical Philosophy of Social
Life. We ought however not to confound it
with that noxious and mean servility of a con-
temptible slave, who suffers himself to be abused
by every one, gives himself up to every knave
to obtain a meal, humbles himself before every
powerful wretch to procure some lucrative post,
is silent when he ought to speak his mind freely,
assists in the execution of roguery, and idolizes
titled stupidity. In treating on that spirit of

XX11 INTRODUCTION.

conduct, which must guide us in our conver-
sation with men of all classes, I do not how-
ever mean to write a book on the art of compli-
menting, but purpose laying before the reader
some results of the experience I have had during
a long intercourse with men of all ranks and
situations. I do not promise to delineate a
complete and regular system of Practical Philo-
sophy of Social Life, but shall give only frag-*
ments and materials which will serve as a basis
for further investigation. It is extremely im-
portant for various reasons, that a person wish-
ing to associate with men and to live amongst
them, should study the art of accommodating
himself to their manners, customs, tone and
disposition ; and of this art I am going to say
something. But what calling can I have to
write a book on the spirit of conduct /who
in my life having so frequently displayed but
very little of it ? Docs it become me to presume
to dispense knowledge of men, while I myself
having been so repeatedly a victim of such im-
prudent indiscretion as scarcely could have been
excusable in a novice ? Can it be expected, that

INTRODUCTION.

a man who lives almost entirely secluded from
human society, could teach the art of conversing
with men ? Let us see, my friends, what I can
reply to this objection.

If through dear-bought experience I have been
rendered sensible of my own imprudentfe-*
so much the better ! Who is more cojh-
petent to warn against dangers than a man
who has been involved himself in difficulties ? If
temper and weakness, (or should I not rather
call it sensibility of a feeling heart, which is al-
ways ready to give itself up to others), if a
strong desire for the blessings of love and friend-
ship, for opportunities of serving others and of
exciting sympathy, have frequently promoted
me to act imprudently, and to disregard the voice
of cool and reflecting reason ; my errors did
not proceed from short-sightedness, simplicity
and want of knowledge of men, but from an
internal impulse to love and to render myself
beloved, to be active and to do good. As for
the rest, there are perhaps but few men, who
in so short a period will be involved in such
singular relations and connexions with people

XXIV INTRODUCTION.

of all descriptions as I have been within the
last twenty years ; and should a man be similarly
circumstanced, and not intirely neglected by
nature and education, he must indeed meet
with numerous opportunities in the space of so
many years, that will enable him to make obser-
vations and to warn against those dangers he
could not escape himself. My living at present
retired and secluded from the world, is neither
owing to misanthropy nor to a silly singularity.
I have very important motives for it ; but to
deliver them here at large would be speaking
too much of myself, especially as I shall be ob-
liged, at least, to give some account of my own
experience in this Introduction. Therefore I
beg leave to say thus much : I was very young
when I first stepped upon the theatre of the
great world and the court. My temper was
lively, restless and easy to be affected, and my
blood warm ; the seeds of many violent passions
lay concealed within me ; I had been somewhat
spoiled in my first education, and had too great
attention paid my little person, which induced
me to demand too much consideration from

INTRODUCTION. XXV

those around me. Grown up in a country
where flattery, dissimulation and cringing are
not much encouraged, I was indeed but little
prepared for that pliancy I wanted to ensure
success among utter strangers and in despotic
states. The instruction of young minds in true
policy is frequently very unsuccessful, and not
rarely attended with considerable dangers ; our
own experience in fact is the best instructor.
These lessons produce the most salutary effect
(if we pay not too dear for them) and make the
deepest impression. My liveliness caused me
to commit many inconsistent actions ; I was
precipitate in every thing, always doing either
too much or too little, ever being too late or
too soon ; because invariably, I was about to
commit a folly, or had to retrieve one. I gene-
rally missed my aim from omitting to act upon
a simple plan. When I first appeared at court,
I was too careless, too open and unsuspicious,
which did me a great deal of injury. I resolved
however to become a complete courtier ; my
conduct grew artificial, and I lost the confi-
dence of good men ; I was too pliant, and this de-

XXVI INTRODUCTION.

privedme of external regard, internal dignity and
self- consistency. Being dissatisfied with myself
and others, I grew reserved and singular. This
created astonishment ; my society was courted,
and my sociability revived again. I renewed
my former connexions, discarded my singular^
ties, and thec harm which my seclusion from the
world had created and which had attracted the
attention of others, disappeared at once. At an-
other period I lashed the follies of the times with
some degree of wit ; I was now dreaded, but
not beloved ; this grieved me; and being de-
sirous to repair this loss, I proved myself a harm-
less being, displayed kind and benevolent senti-
ments, and shewed that I was incapable of hurt-
ing and persecuting others But what was the
consequence? Everyone of those I had offended
by my former conduct, or who imagined them-
selves the object of my sarcasms, abused me on
seeing me defend myself only with blunted wea-
pons which could do no harm. At other times,
when my satirical humour was encouraged by the
applause of jovial companions, I lashed great and
liule fools without mercy ; the wits laughed ;

INTRODUCTION. XXVH

but those that were wiser shook their heads and
treated me with coldness. Being desirous of
showing that my humour was not tinctured with
malice, I ceased ridiculing others, and palliated
every folly. This however made me appear to
some a simpleton, while others suspected me of
hypocrisy. When I selected my companions
from among the most excellent and enlightened
men, I applied in vain for the protection of a
blockhead who was at the helm of government;
and when I associated with people of inferior
talents, I was treated as belonging to the same
class with them. People destitute of education
and of low rank abused me, when I treated them
with more than usual kindness; and of thloe of
higher rank I made enemies when they offend-
ed my vanity. I now made the blockhead too
sensible of my superiority, and was persecuted;
I was too modest, and experienced neglect ; I
accommodated myself to all the peculiarities of
my connexions, and fell in with the tone of those
indifferent societies I frequented and thereby
lost my precious time, the regard of wise and
good men, and particularly self-satisfaction; at

XXVlil INTRODUCTION.

other times I was too artless, and from want of
self-confidence acted a pitiful part when I ought
and could have shewn myself to advantage. At
one period I too rarely went abroad, and was sus-
pected of pride or puerile fear of men; at another I
shewed myself every where, and was accused of
being intruding. While I was a young man, I
abandoned myself imprudently and exclusively
to every one that called himself my friend and
shewed me affection, and was often dreadfully
deceived and disappointed in my sweetest ex-
pectations ; afterwards I became the friend of
every one, and ready to serve any person who
wanted my assistance, in consequence no one
attached himself to me, because none of my con-
nexions valued a heart accessible to any that
sought friendship. When I expected too much
I was deceived ; and when I gave up all confi-
dence in the faith and probity of men, I could
enjoy no social pleasure or be interested by any
object. The public are not ignorant, that I
was active in the association of the Illuminati,
as they were called. This union which was di-
rected by peoplewho on account of their

INTRODUCTION. XXIX

rank, birth, civil relations and talents, were
classed with the most important men in Ger-
many made the knowledge of the human heart
a particular object of their study. The person
who managed almost the whole affairs of that
extensive society (which was my case for a con-
siderable time), had, indeed, opportunities of
becoming acquainted with people of all ranks, of
very different culture and disposition, and to
observe .them in various situations; however as
the intercourse with most of them was carried on
by way of letters only, my practical experience
gained in the whole but little by it. The trea-
sure I gathered at those courts where I spent a
great part of my life, was by far more consider-
able. But I must confess, that, although I
made many observations at these theatres of
folly and deceit, yet I improved but little in the
art of rendering them advantageous to myself,
as I never could bridle my lively temper so much
as to be capable of concealing my blind side
so carefully as I ought to have done. And thus
did the years elapse in which I could have made
my fortune, as it is commonly termed. Now,

XXX INTRODUCTION.

since I have acquired a more perfect knowledge
of men, and my eyes have been opened by experi-
ence, which has rendered me more circumspect
and capable of operating on the human heart, it
is too late to put that knowledge in practice. The
' few advantages I could obtain by it for the rest
of my life, are not worth the trouble and exer-
tion which it would cost me ; and it is as little
becoming a man, whose principles have been
fixed by age and experience, to begin at so late
a period to grow pliant, as it would be pardon-
able in him to turn fop. It is now indeed, too
late to begin with the practice of my experi-
ence ; however it is not yet too late to point out
to young men the path they ought to pursue;
therefore let us see what I can do, and come
nearer to the point.

CONTENTS OF VOLUME THE FIRST.

CHAPTER I. PAGE i.

General Rules and Observations to guide us in our Conver-
sation with Men.
SECTION

i VERY man must render himself respected in
the world. Application of this Maxim.
II. Strive to render yourself perfect ; but avoid the
appearance of perfection and infallibility.

III. Be not too much ihe slave of the opinion which

others form of you.

IV. Have confidence in GOD, in yourself, good men

and fortune.
V. Put not to your own account what you owe to the

merits of others.
VI. Conceal your cares when you are not certain of

finding relief by disclosing them.
VII. Speak not too loudly of your prosperity.
VIII. Disclose not the defects of your neighbour.
IX. Afford others an opportunity of appearing to advan-
tage-

X. Strive to preserve presence of mind.
XI. Ifyou-wish for temporal advantages you must so.

licit for them.
VOL. I. C

XXX11 CONTENTS.

SECTION

XII. Request and accept of others as few services as
possible.

XIII. Limits of complaisance.

XIV. Keep your word rigidly on every occasion.

XV. Be strict, punctual, regular, assiduous, and dili-
gent in your calling.
XVI. Interest yourself for others if you wish them to

interest themselves for you.

XVII. Implicate no one in your private differences, and
frequently in imagination put yourself in the
place of others.
XVIII. Let every one be responsible for his own actions

while they have no relation to yourself.
XIX. Be always consistent and act up to your principles.
XX. Strive to have always a good conscience.
XXI. Be firm in your conduct.

XXII. Make a proper distinction in your external
conduct between men and men,

XXIII. Be not too communicative.

XXIV. Never attempt to render others ridiculous.
XXV. Terrify and teaze no person.

XXVI. All people want to be amused. On joking.
XXVII. Quit the society of no person without having

told him something obliging or instructive.
XXVIII. On aspersion, ridicule, and backbiting.
XXIX. Be careful how you relate anecdotes.

XXX. Avoid talebearing.

XXXI. Be cautious how you censure and contradict others.
XXXII. Take heed not to tire the patience of your

hearers by tedious and prolix discourses.
XXXIII. Speak not in company of subjects which in-
terest no ore but yourself.

CONTENTS. XXX111

SlCTION

XXXIV. On egotism.

XXXV. Do not contradict yourself in conversation.
XXXVI. Avoid tiresome repetitions and sharpen your

memory.

XXXVII. Do not season your discourses with duplicities.
XXXVIII. Intermix not your discourses with common.

place expressions.
XXXIX. Do not teaze others with useless questions.

XL. Learn to brook contradiction.
XLI. Talk not of your domestic concerns nor of

vexatious subjects in places of amusement.
XLII. On religious discourses.
XL1II. Be cautious how you speak of the defects of

others.

XLIV. Other rules of prudence.
XLV. Remind no one of disagreeable matters without

necessity.

XLVI. Take no share in the ridicule of scoffers.
XL VII. On the spirit of disputing. Vide Vol. II.
XLV II I. Be secret.

XLIX. On speaking well, and propriety of external

conduct.
L. On various social improprieties and incon.

gruities.

LI. How we must behave when others tire us by
the tediousness and prolixity of their conver-
sation.

LI I. On ease in conversation.
LI II. Take not too great pretensions with you into

social circles.
LIV. On dress.

LV, Is it better to go often or seldom into company ?
C 2

XXXIV CONTENTS.

SECTION

LVI. We can learn something useful in any company.

LVII. With whom are we to converse most frequently ?

LVIII. On conversation in cities, country towns and

villages.
LIX. On conversation in foreign countries.

LX. On epistolary correspondence.
LXI. How we must judge of men.
LXII. Whether the above and the subsequent rules be

generally applicable ?
LXIII. Can ladies act after these rules ?

CHAPTER II, PAGE 74.

On Conversation with ourselves.
SECTION

I. NEGLECT not conversation with your own self.
II. There will be moments when the conversation with

our own self will be our only comfort.
III. Display towards your own person as much prudence,
honesty, propriety and justice as you ought to show
in the society of others.
JV. Take care of the health of your soul as well as of that

of your body.*
V. Have regard for your own person and confidence in

yourself.
VI. Despair not at the consciousness of your defects and

imperfections.

VII. Be an agreeable companion to yourself.
VIII. Avoid all sort of self- flattery, and show yourself your

own best and sincerest friend.
IXt How we are to estimate our own morality,
i

CONTENTS. XXXV

CHAPTER III. PAGE 81.

On Conversation with people of different Tempers and
Dispositions.

SECTION

I. ON the four Cardinal tempers and their mixture.
II. On people of an imperious disposition.

III. On ambitious people.

IV. On vain people.
V. On arrogance.

VI. On irritable people.
VII. On conversation with obstinate people.
VI II. On conversation with petu!ant people and such as

are fond of contradiction and paradoxes.
IX. On conversation with irascible people.

X. On coru'ccsation with revengeful people.
XI. On conversation with lazy and phlegmatic people.
XII. On conversation with mistrustful, suspicious, morose,
and close people.

XIII. On conversation with envious and jealous people.

XIV. Rules for counteracting the effects of slander and

calumny.
XV. On conversation with scoffers.

XVI. On conversation with avaricious people and spend.

thrifts.

XVII. On conversation with ungrateful people.
XVIII. Against artifice, cunning and insidiousness.

XIX. On conversation with boasters, braggers and puffers.
XX. On conversation with impudent, idle and intriguing

people, parasites and flatterers.
XXI. On conversation with villains.

XXXVI CONTENTS.

SECTION

XXII. On conversation with too modest and timid
people.

XXIII. On conversation with imprudent, talkative, cu-

rious, heedless and forgetful people.

XXIV. On conversation with whimsical people.
XXV. On conversation with stupid, good-natured and

weak people.
XXVI. On conversation with cheerful, lively and saty-

rical people.
XXVII. On conversation with drunkards, voluptuaries

and votaries of other vices.
XXVIII. On conversation with enthusiasts, romantic and

eccentrical people.
XXIX. On conversation with devotees, puritans and

hypocrites.

XXX. On conversation with superstitious people.
XXXI. On conversation with deists, freethinkers and

scoffers at religion.

XXXII. On conversation with melancholy people, lunatics
and madmen.

CHAPTER IV. PAGE 159.

On Conversation vlith People of a different Age.

SECTION

I. THE conversation with people who are of the same

age with us has many advantages and charms.
II. Old people ought not to disturb the innocent sport*

and amusements of younger persons.

III. Old people render themselves ridiculous by affecting
to appear being young.

7

CONTENTS. XXXVU

SECTION
IV. Old people ought to render their society useful to the

young.

V. It is out of fashion now-a-days to honour old age ; our
present generation imagine to be much wiser than
our forefathers were.

VI. Rules for youth in their conversation with old people.
VII. On conversation with children.

CHAPTER V. PAGE 170.

On Conversation between Parents, Children, and Re-
lations-
SECTION

I. Is attachment to our families and country a prejudice?

On cosmopolitism.
II. On the conduct of parents towards their children.

III. On the conduct of children towards their parents.

IV. On conversation between relations. A few words on

old uncles and aunts.

CHAPTER VI. PAGE 181.

On Conjugal Conversation.
SECTION

I. A WISE and good choice on concluding the marriage-
bonds is the safest mean of rendering conjugal life
happy. The contrary produces the most deplor-
able consequences.

II. Why are marriages concluded in younger years with
little or no prudence sometimes happy ?

XXXV11I CONTENTS.

SECTION

III. Is a perfect harmony of temper, disposition! and

thinking, of capacities and taste necessarily re-
quired to constitute matrimonial happiness ?

IV. Rules for preventing conjugal society from becom-

ing troublesome and tedious.

V. Principal rule : Fulfil carefully all your duties !
VI. How must we act when the accomplishments of
amiable strangers make lively impressions upon
our consorts ?

VII. How can we guard ourselves against such impres-
sions in younger and maturer years ?
VIII. Married people are unjust in desiring to monopolize

all the feelings of their partner.

IX. Conjugal happiness requires we should not demand

of our consorts a total sacrifice of their taste, and

strive to accommodate ourselves to their innocent

propensities.

X. How are we to guard against an actual breach of

conjugal fidelity ?
XI. Two means of recalling a disloyal partner to her

duty.

Xil. How are we to proceed if our consort be guilty of
adultery ?

XIII. Treatment of a fallen consort.

XIV. On divorce.

XV. An unlimited confidence ought to subsist among

married people.
XVI. It is not advisable that married people should trans.

act all their business in common.
XVII. A proper sum ought to be allowed to the wife for

the purposes of housekeeping.
XVIII. Domestic ceconomy promotes conjugal happiness.

CONTENTS. XXXJ

SlCTIOM

XIX. It is better that the husband than the wife be

rich.

XX. Is it necessary that the husband should possess a
larger share of prudence and judgment than the
wife ?
XXI. Is it prudent to complain to our consorts of our mis*

fortunes ?

XXII. Rules of prudence in case of too great a difference
of disposition.

XXIII. Ho.v are we to act if we be united for life with an

immoral or vicious person ?

XXIV. Caution against officious go-betweens.

XXV. Are these rules applicable to fashionable and very
rich people ?

CHAPTER VII. PAGE 232.

Rules for Loven and thne that convene with them.

SECTION

I. A FEW general observations on the proper treatment

of lovers.

II. Why no rules can be given to lovers for regulating
their mutual conduct.

III. Happy effects of the first love of virtuous minds.

IV. Jealousy and trifling dissensions strengthen the ties of

innocent love.
V. Arc the fair sex as faithful and firm in their love as

men ?

VI. Secrecy is one of the chief means of being successful
in love.

x CONTEXTS.

SECTION

VII. Caution against thoughtless promises of marriage.
VJII. Be generous if the bonds uniting your heart to that
of a virtuous woman should be dissolved.

CHAPTER VIII. PAGE 244.

On Conversation with the Fair Sex*

SECTION

I. THE Authour's apology for his being obliged to ani-
madvert upon some general defects of the female
sex.

II. Conversation with accomplished and virtuous women
gives the last polish to the education of a young
man.

III. Why are personal and mental accomplishments not

always the only certain means of rendering our.
selves agreeable to the fair sex ?

IV. Why are the ladies averse from men labouring under

infirmities ?
V. The ladies ought not to be blamed for being interested

sometimes for libertines.

VI. Cleanliness and elegance of dress recommended.
VIIj Paying homage in a similar manner to several ladies

at one time and in the same place, is dangerous.
VIII, Praising the accomplishments of other ladies in the
presence of one who pretends to the same is im-
prudent.

IX. Strive to be an entertaining companion if you wish to
please the ladies. Flattery is particularly grateful
to them.
X. Curiosity is a prominent feature of the female character.

CONTENTS. Xll

SECTION

XI. Accommodate yourself to the humours of the fair

sex, but be not intruding.

XII. The female sex sometimes find pleasure in teazing
the objects of their affection.

XIII. Yield to them the triumph of the moment.

XIV. Provoke not the resentment of an ill-tempered

woman.

XV. Is it possible to avoid falling in love ?
XVI. Seducing or deluding innocent and inexperienced

girls by false hopes is an infamous practice.
XVII. On conversation with coquets and seducing females*
XVIII. Learned ladies.

XIX. On female dissimulation.

XX. Antiquated coquets, prudes, devotees and gossips.
XXI. A few more general observations on the advantages
resulting from the conversation of good and
accomplished women.

1- f,

PHACTICAL PHILOSOPHY
OF SOCIAL LIFE.

CHAPTER I.

General Rules and Observations to guide us in our
Conversation -with Men.

! i;:f i y :>*! i

SECTION I.

pretensions are generally the standard by
which the world judges of our abilities and merits.
A golden rule ! A theme sufficient for a folio
volume on the spirit of conduct and the means
of gaining our point in the world ; a maxim,
the truth of which is confirmed by the expe-
rience of all ages. This experience teaches
the adventurer and boaster to persuade the mul-
titude that he is a man of consequence ; to
speak of his connexions with princes and minis-
ters of state, who frequently even do not know
that he exists, in terms that procure him, if
not more, at least, many a meal and access to
families of rank and fortune. I knew a man
who spoke in this maoncr in all companies of
VOL. i. B

2 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

his intimacy with the Emperor Joseph II. and
Prince Kaunitz, although I am certain that
these great men scarcely knew his name, and
had heard nothing of him, except that he was
a turbulent man and a libeller. As no one
inquired into the truth of his pretensions, it
enabled him to gain for a short time so much
credit with many people as to induce them to
apply for his interference with the Emperor,
whenever they had occasion to petition-for some-
thing. In such cases he used to write to some
great man or other at Vienna, and boasted of
the number of his noble 'friends in such terms
as to obtain frequently a civil and kind answer,
which he turned to further advantage.

This experience emboldens many a man of
a merely superficial knowledge to decide posi-
tively in matters of which he, an hour before,
scarcely knew any thing ; and to give his
opinion in terms which deter the modest lite-
rati from contradicting and putting questions
to him that would expose his ignorance. This
experience encourages the presumptuous block-
head to intrude himself into the highest digni-
ties, to intimidate humble merit, and to deter
every one from attempting to reduce him to. his
proper station.

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 3

This experience teaches the most useless and
perverted geniuses, men without any talents
and real knowledge, boasters and adventurers,
to render themselves necessary to the great. It
is generally the only means by which the learned,
the musician and painter acquire fame.

Emboldened by this experience, the foreign
artist frequently charges hundreds for a piece
which a native would execute ten times better
for half the sum. The works of the foreign
artist are, however, the rage; he cannot satisfy
all the demands of his numerous customers, and
at last, employs natives to work for him, and
sells the produce of inland industry at a high
price by stamping them with his name.

Animated by this experience the author con-
trives to obtain a favourable criticism on his
work, pretending in the preface to his tiresome
composition with barefaced impudence, to have
been pressed by connoisseurs and men of eru-
dition, of whose approbation and friendship he
boasts, to publish his book for the benefit of the
world.

This experience encourages the titled spend-
thrift who is on the verge of bankruptcy,
and wants to borrow money which he does not
intend ever to repay, to demand it in terms and

B 2

4 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

in a manner which lead the rich usurer to think
it an honour to be cheated by him.

Almost all sorts of application for protection
or preferment, made in that tone, meet with
success, and are but rarely refused ; whereas
scorn, neglect and disappointment generally
are the reward of the humble and timid client.

This experience teaches the servant to obtain
authority with his master ; and persons who
receive kindness, to render themselves so im-
portant to their benefactors as to lead them to
think themselves very fortunate for being able to
serve such men. In short, the maxim that our
pretensions generally are the ftandard by which the
world judges of our abilities and merits is the
great panacea, the philosopher's stone of all
adventurers, boasters, impostors, quacks, and
shallow-brained geniuses, which enables them
to make their fortune. I would therefore not
give a pin for that specific. But, stop ! Should
that maxim really be of no use at all to an
honest man ? Yes, my friends, we may turn
it to some advantage. It teaches us never to
reveal our (Economical, physical, moral and in-
tellectual weakness, unless we are pressed by our
calling or the most urgent necessity. Al-
though we ought on no account to have recourse

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 5

to impudent lies, yet we must neglect no oppor-
tunity to shew ourselves as much to advantage
as truth and probity will permit. We must,
however, not do this in too gross, visible, strik-
ing and vain a manner, lest we should lose
thereby more than we can gain. We rather ought
to lead others, imperceptibly, to think that we
possess more abilities and merits than appear at
first sight. If we hangout too showy a sign, we
excite too much attention, and invite others to
explore those defects from which no son of Eve
is exempted, and thus our fame may receive a
mortal blow at once. Appear therefore with a
certain modest consciousness of your innate
dignity, and above all things let your coun-
tenance bespeak your internal sense of veracity
and rectitude. Display sound reason and know-
ledge whenever an opportunity offers ; but be
careful not to betray as much as might provoke
envy, or render you suspected of too high pre-
tensions, nor as little as might induce others to
overlook or to contradict you with impudence.
Be reserved ; but take care to avoid the appear-
ance of singularity, timidity and pride.

IT. STRIVE to render yourself perfect; but
avoid the appearance of perfection and infallibi-
lity. The world judges of you by your prcten

(> PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

sions; and you have even to congratulate your-
self if it imputes none to you which you never
had ; otherwise the least fault which you com-
mit will induce people to exclaim : " Ah, it is
unpardonable in such a man !" and as people of
a weak understanding generally rejoice at the
discovery of a defect in a man who outshines
them, they will censure you with more acri-
mony for a single slip than they would another
for a whole train of follies and roguery.

III. BE however not too much the slave of
the opinion which others form of you. Be self-
consistent ! What need have you to care for
the censure of the world if you act as you ought
to do ? Your whole wardrobe of external virtues
is not worth a pin, if you conceal a weak and
mean heart under that tinsel dress, and put it
on only to make a show with it in companies.

IV. ABOVE all things take care not to lose
your confidence in yourself, your trust in GOD,
in good men and fortune. You will be forsaken
by all your friends as soon as your countenance
bespeaks dissatisfaction and despair. I must
however observe, that the unfortunate frequently
is unjust to men, and but too apt to misinter-
pret every ill-humour, every little mark of cold-
ness in others, because he imagines tfcat every

0F SOCIAL LIFE. ?

one sees that he suffers and wishes to avoid the
application which he might make for his assist-
ance.

$ V. PUT not to your own account what you
owe to the merits of others. If you receive
civilities or are distinguished in company, be-
cause you are connected with some great and
respectable man, be not proud of it; but be
modest enough to feel that, perhaps, you would
be treated differently if it were not for him,
and strive to be honoured for your own sake.
It is by far more preferable to shine in a dark
corner with our own light than as a great moon
of a foreign sun, or as a satellite of a planet.

VI. DISCLOSE your sorrows and disasters
/ if you are unfortunate or in want, and if rea-
son, principles and your own exertions arc in-
sufficient to dispel your cares, to no person,
not even to the wife of your bosom, unless you
are certain to find relief. Few only are able and
willing to ease our burden ; the greater part
make it only heavier; nay, many will fhun
you if they see that Fortune frowns at you; and
all will desert you if they perceive that you are
entirely destitute of resources, that you are
deprived of all support, and have not one pro-
tector left! For who has the courage to take

8 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

singly and firmly the part of a man who is
deserted by all the world ? Who has the spirit
to say : (< I know the man, he is my friend, and
worth more than all the wretches that censure
and asperse him." And if you fortunately
should meet with such a friend in time of need,
he will, perhaps, be a sufferer himself, an un-
fortunate being that is urged by despair to
unite his fate with yours, and whose protection
will do you more harm than good.

VII. BUT speak also not too loudly of your
prosperity, nor display too much splendour,
wealth and genius. There are but few who will
behold such a superiority without murmuring
and envy. I would advise you, for the same
reason, not to be too kind to others ; because
men are generally but too prone to shun an
over-generous benefactor, as we are used to flee
from a creditor whom we never can pay.
Be therefore careful not to appear too great in
the eyes of your brethren ; for, besides, they
will demand too much of you, and a single
refusal will make them forget in a moment thou-
sands of benefactions which they have received
from you.

VIII. DISCLOSE never in an ungenerous
manner the defects of your neighbour, in order

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 9

to sound your own praise at his expcnce ; nor
expose the failings of others to shine with
additional lustre.

IX. BE less eager to shine in companies
than to afford others an opportunity of appear-
ing to advantage, if you wish to please and to
be applauded. But few people can bear to see
others display their superiority. They will
rather forgive us an ambiguous action, nay even
a crime, than a deed through which we eclipse
them. But when you arc at some distance from
them, and do not square their compass of activity,
they will, perhaps, do you justice. I have fre-
quently obtained the reputation of being a
witty and sensible man in companies in which I
had not uttered a single reasonable sentence,
and in which I had done nothing else but -to
listen with an exemplary patience to fashionable
and- half-learned nonsense, or to introduce a
subject of which one of the society was desirous
to speak. Many people do me the unmerited
honour to introduce themselves to me with the
humble assurance, (at which I sometimes can
not help smiling,) that they come to pay me
their respect as a celebrated author ; they sit
down, begin to talk, giving me scarcely room
to speak a word, though they came to admire

1O PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

me, and leave me delighted with my instructive
and agreeable conversation and charmed with
me in the highest degree, because I had under-
standing enough to listen to them.

Have patience with all weaknesses of that
kind ; and if, for instance, a person should in-
troduce a story or an agreeable anecdote which
he likes to relate, let him not perceive in a'n
unpleasant manner that the subject is tiresome
to you, because you have heard it repeated fre-
quently, or communicated it to him yourself.
What can be more innocent than to promote
effusions of that sort if we can obtain by it
a good name, and afford pleasure to others ?

If people have an innocent hobby-horse, and,
for instance, are fond of talking of their hounds,
horses, paintings, &c. &c. or are pleased when
we drink a glass of wine with them., then let us
indulge them in these harmless fancies if we
can do it without inconvenience and deceit. I
have never been able to reconcile myself to the
custom of those courtiers that are used to listen
to every one with an affected attention, nay
even to interrupt us in the middle of a sentence
which they have occasioned themselves.

^ X. PRESENCE of mind is a rare gift of
Heaven, and enables us to appear very much to

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 11

advantage in Social Life. This valuable jo,\vel
can however not be acquired by art : yet if we
are in want of it, we may at least do something
to repair that defect by being constantly on our
guard, and taking care not to be loo precipitate
in conversation, nor to utter any thing tiiat
might perplex ourselves or others. Very lively
dispositions ought to be particularly careful to
observe this rule. I would advise those that are
not girted with much presence of mind, if an
unexpected question should be put to them or
an uncommon object or incident surprise them,
to be silent for a few moments, and to give their
consideration room for preparing them for the
party which they ought to take. As a single,
rash and imprudent word or a step taken in the
hurry of perplexity, may be attended with fruit-
less regret and dangerous consequences, a bold
resolution, taken and executed on the spot, may
also, in critical moments, in which we frequently
are thrown off our guard, be productive of safety,
happiness and consolation.

XI. IF you wish for temporal advantages,
for support and employment in civil life; if you
desire to obtain some post in which you can be
useful to your country you must solicit, nay
even frequently beg for it. I)o not expect that

12 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

men will assist you of their own accord if you
are not absolutely necessary to them, or interest
themselves in your behalf without being soli-
cited, although your deeds should speak loudly
for you, and your want of assistance be gene-
rally known. Every one takes care of himself
and his family without troubling himself about
the modest man, who is too timid to appeal to
his talents, and may starve in an obscure corner
notwithstanding his superior talents and merits.
For this reason many a worthy man remains in
obscurity all his life, and has no opportunity to
be useful to his fellow-citizens because he can
neither beg nor cringe.

^ XII. BUT let us request and accept of others
as few services as possible. We meet very rarely
with people who are disinterested enough not to
demand, sooner or later, great returns for small
services ; and this destroys the freedom of con-
versation, deprives us of the liberty of action,
and limits our choice. Although this should
in ten instances distress us scarcely once, yet
it will be prudent to avoid that one possible
instance, and rather to give as often as we can
and to serve every one than to accept services
or any thing else from others. There are also
few people that will serve you with a good grace.

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 13

You will be convinced of it if you will make a
trial. Many of your acquaintances will assumo
at once a grave and solemn air, in the highest
glee of good humour, if you address them with
these or similar words : " I have a great favour
to beg of you ; I am sadly distressed." Men
are however very ready to ofler us services of
which we are not in want, or even which they
arc not capable to afford us. The spendthrift is
always ready to serve others with money, and
the blockhead with advice.

Above all things be careful not to request any
favour of a person if you are convinced that he
cannot well give you a refusal, how unwilling
soever he should be to oblige you ; for instance,
when he is under obligations to you, or depends
upon you in any other manner.

To receive benefactions makes us dependent
on others, and we cannot know what the con-
sequences of it may be. It reduces us fre-
quently to the necessity either of shewing too
much indulgence to bad men, or renders us
suspected of being ungrateful.

If you wish to render yourself independent
on the assistance of others you need but to
have few wants, to be sober, regular and mode-
rate in your wishes ; if, on the contrary, your

14 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

heart is a wrestling-place of numerous wild
passions, if your mind is constantly agitated
either by ambition or thirst after gain, or per-
turbged by voluptuous desires ; if you are
infected by the extravagance and luxury of our
age, and wish for every thing that dazzles your
eyes ; if restless curiosity and a turbulent spirit
impel you incessantly to interfere with the con-
cerns of others, you will always be in want of
the assistance of your friends and acquaintances
in order to obtain the gratification of your num-
berless wishes.

XIII. WHEN I recommend to my readers
rather to oblige every one than to accept of the
assistance of others, this does not contradict the
assertion that prudence requires we should not
do too much for others. I would advise you in
general to be obliging, but not to obtrude your
services upon others, nor to be the friend and
confident of every one. Above all things do not
censure,* correct, or advise others, if you have
no urgent calling to do it. Few only will thank
you for it, and many have already decided how
to act when they apply for our advice. Do
not trouble your friends and acquaintances with
trifling commissions if you possibly can avoid
it ; for instance, to buy something for you, te
3

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 19

deliver a message, &c. &c. I would also recom-
mend to you to decline every charge of that
sort ; for the execution of such commissions is
generally attended with loss of time, and you
will rarely be able to execute them to the satis-
faction of your friends. They are generally
attended with loss of time and money, and
rarely gratefully acknowledged. Be also careful
not to interfere in domestic disputes: and above
all things be cautious how you reconcile ene-
mies and settle differences, if the dissenting
parties are not particularly dear to you, because
both parties generally shake hands unexpectedly
to attack the peace-maker jointly. Match-
making leave to Heaven and a certain class of
old women.

$ XIV. No rule is more generally useful,
none ought to be observed more sacredlv, and
tends more to procure us respect and friends
than that which teaches us to keep our word
rigidly even in the most trifling instances,
to be faithful to all our promises, and never to
wander from the strait road of truth and veracity.
You are intitled in no instance and by no motive
whatever to say the contrary of what you think,
although it would frequently be highly wrong
and imprudent to disclose every thought of your

f6 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

heart. No necessity, how imperious soever it
be, can excuse an untruth ; no breach of vera-
city has ever been committed without having
produced, sooner or later, painful consequences;
whereas the man who is known to be a slave to
his word, and never to indulge himself with the
commission of an untruth, gains confidence, a
good name and general regard.

XV. BE strict, punctual, regular, assiduous
and diligent in your calling. Keep your papers,
keys and every thing in such an order as to
be able to find every individual article in the
dark. Bestow a still more rigid care upon the
property of others which is entrusted to you.
Never lend books to others which you have bor-
rowed. If any be lent to you, send or carry
them back in proper time, and do not give your
friends or servants the trouble to fetch them.
Every one is glad to be connected and to trans-
act business with a person upon whose punctu-
ality in words and deeds we can rely. Appear
punctually at the place to which you have
promised to come, though you should be
the only one that is so regular ; good and bad
examples of that sort are generally imitated,
and the irregularity of others is no excuse for
ours. 1

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 17

^ XVI. INTEREST yourself for others if you
wish them to interest themselves for you. A
person that is destitute of fellow-feeling, of a
sense for friendship, benevolenee and love, and
lives merely for himself, will also be left to shift
for himself when he wants the assistance of
others.

XVII. IMPLICATE no one in your private
differences, and demand not of those with
whom you are connected to take a part in the
animosities which exist between yourself and
others.

A great number of such rules are compre-
hended in the old maxim : " Put yourself in
your imagination frequently in the place of
others, and ask yourself How should you be
pleased in such a situation if this were de-
manded of you if you were treated in such a
manner if you were desired to take so much
pains to afford such an assistance or to give
such an explanation r"

XVIII. Do not trouble yourself about the
actions of others while they have no relation to
yourself, or so much influence on morality as
would render it criminal to be silent. What is
it to you whether a person walks slow or quick,
sleeps little or much, is often or seldom at home,
VOL. i. C

18 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

wears a simple or a sumptuous dress, drinks
wine or beer, contracts debts or hoards up
money, keeps a mistress or no ? But facts which
we must know we learn frequently best of stu-
pid people, because they relate them without
witty exaggerations and additions, without pas-
sion and artful misrepresentation.

XIX. Do never desert your principles while
you are convinced that they are just. To make
exceptions is very dangerous and leads farther
than we at first intend to go, from trifles to
matters of importance. If, therefore., you have
resolved once after mature consideration to lend
out no book, to drink no more than a certain
quantity of wine, &c. &c. your own father even
must not be capable to persuade you to decline
from it, while the motives which determined
your first resolution continue to remain in force.
Be firm, but cautious not to take a resolution
until you have considered all possible cases, nor
to persist obstinately in trifles.

Above all things be always consistent. Form
a certain plan of life and do not swerve from it
the breadth of a hair, although that plan should
be rather singular. People will perhaps talk
a short time of your singularity, but finally be
silent, refrain, from disturbing you any further

OF SOCIAL LIFE. JQ

anil esteem you for your firmness. We in
general arc always gainers by a regular perse-
verance and a wise firmness. Principles resem-
ble in one point all other materials of which
something is made ; namely, the best proof of
their goodness consists in their durability; and,
in truth, when we minutely inquire into the
reasons from which even the noblest actions of
some people frequently are under- rated, we find
oftentimes that the Public suspects the object
and tendency of these actions, because they do
not seem to accord with the system of the man
that performs them, because they are inconsist-
ent with his usual mode of proceeding.

XX. ABOVE all things strive to have always
a good conscience. Avoid most studiously to
give your heart the least occasion to reproach
you on account of the object of your actions and
of the means which you employ to attain it.
Pursue never crooked ways and you may firmly
rely upon good consequences, the assistance of
GOD and of good men in time of need. Al-
though you should be thwarted for some time by
misfortune, yet the blissful consciousness of the
goodness of your heart and of the rectitude of
your designs will afford you uncommon strength
and comfort ; your sorrowful countenance will
c 2

20 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

interest those with whom you converse much
more than the grimaces of the smiling and
grinning villain \vhoseems to be happy.

XXI. BE consistent in your conduct, what-
ever the part be which you have undertaken to
act. Be not warm, civil and obliging, pleasant
and entertaining to-day, and cool, rude, dry
and mute as a statue to-morrow! It is difficult
and disagreeable to converse with people of such
a fickle disposition. When they are in good
humour or no other person is with them who is
of a higher rank, jocoser or a better flatterer
than we are, they will receive us with marks of
the most cordial and intimate friendship. We
are charmed with their conduct, rely upon their
kindness, and go a few days after to pay another
visit to that agreeable man who was so extremely
glad to see us, and invited us so kindly to come
very often to his house. But how different is
our reception ! We are received with a chilling
coldness and grave looks ; our host leaves us in
a corner, to amuse ourselves as well as we can,
and replies only in monosyllables to our ques-
tions, because he is just surrounded with venal
parasites who can flatter his passions better than
we. I advise you to drop by degrees all con-
nexions with such people, and if afterwards they

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 21

should be actuated by a transient whim to seek
your company again, to receive them in return
with serious dignity, and to steal imperceptibly
out of their society.

XXII. MAKE some distinction in your
external conduct towards those with whom you
converse, and in the marks of attention which
you show them. Do not shake hands with
every one, nor press all your acquaintances with-
out discrimination to your heart : for what will
be left for the friend of your bosom or those
whom you prefer, and who can rely upon your
marks of friendship and esteem ? who can set
any value upon them if you dispense them so
lavishly ?

XXIII. THERE arc two principal motives
that ought to prevent us from being too commu-
nicative ; first, the fear of betraying our weak-
ness and being abused ; and then the consider-
ation that if we have used people once to be
informed of all our concerns, they will at last
expect to be made acquainted with every trifling
step which we take, to know all our affairs and
to be consulted on all occasions. On the other
hand, we must also avoid being too reserved
and close : because this might lead others to
suspect something important or even dangerous

22 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

to be at the bottom of all our transactions,
which would involve us in many disagreeable
situations and render us objects of suspicion,
particularly in foreign countries, on travels and
many other occasions. Too much reserve can
also hurt us very much in Social Life in general,
and injure us even in the conversation with
worthy friends.

$ XXrV. ATTEMPT never to render a person
ridiculous in company how many defects soever
he may have. If he be stupid, you will reap
little honour from directing the shafts of your
wit at him ; should he however happen to be
less stupid than you think, you may become the
butt of his ridicule ; if he be noble minded and
gifted with a feeling heart you will hurt him ;
and should he be malicious and revengeful he
will, perhaps, resent it sooner or later. And
if the Public have but the least consideration for
our opinion of others, we can easily injure a
good man in civil life by ridiculing him in com-
pany, or depress a weak person so much as to
extinguish every spark of ambition, and to
destroy every budding talent in his soul, when
we expose him to scorn and disgrace by unveil-
ing his defects.

' XXV. TERRIFY and teaze no person, not

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 23

even your most intimate friends, by false reports,
vexatious jokes, nor by any thing that could
reduce them to a momentary distress or uneasi-
ness. There are so many really unpleasant,
anxious and distressing moments in this world,
that it is our fraternal duty to remove every
thing that could add even as little as the weight
of a grain of the balance to the load of real and
imaginary evils. It is equally wrong and impru-
dent to give a friend out of merriment a momen-
tary pleasure that soon passes away, by fictitious
joyful intelligence. There are real acts of cru-
elty which do not season, but embitter the joys
of Social Conversation. Prudence also advises
you not to excite curiosity nor to torment people
by unfinished sentences, but rather to be silent
if you are not inclined to speak out. There
are people who ,are used to give their friends
such mysterious hints, as for instance : " I
have heard very unpleasant things of you, but
am not at liberty to communicate to you what
J have been told,'* Such hints are of no use
and create uneasiness,

We must in general perplex people as little
as possible, and when some person is going to
commit an imprudent action; for instance, to
speak ill of a book whose author is present, pr

14 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

to be put to the blush in any other manner,
rather spare him that perplexity and endeavour
to repair his blunder as well as we can ; and if
any person through inattention fhould break or
drop something, or commit any other trifling
mistake, good breeding requires we should take
no notice of it, at least not look at him with
marks of dissatisfaction or astonishment, which
would only increase his distress.

XXVI. ABOVE all things let us never
forget that people want to be amused and enter-
tained ; that even the most instructive conver-r
sation at last becomes irksome to many if it
be not seasoned by occasional sallies of wit and
good humour ; further, that nothing in the
world appears to the generality wittier, wiser
and more pleasant than what is said to their
praise and flatters their vanity ; but that it also
is beneath the dignity of a rational man to act
the mean part of a jester, and unworthy of an
honest man to flatter meanly. There is a cer-
tain medium which I wish to recommend to
you. Every man has at least one good quality
which we may praise without degrading our-
selves ; and an encomium of that sort uttered
by a man of understanding and judgment may
become an impulse to strive at greater per-

1

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 25

faction. This hint will be sufficient for those
that are inclined to understand me.

Display as much as you can an unruffled
and serene countenance. Nothing is more
charming and amiable than a certain jovial and
cheerful disposition which emanates from the
source of a guiltless heart that is not agitated
by the tempests of warring and violent passions.
A person that constantly hunts after witticisms
and shows that he has studied to amuse the
company, will please only for a short time and
interest but a few; his Society will not be
courted by those whose hearts pant after better
conversation, and whose minds wish for Socratic
entertainment.

A person who sets up for a dealer in witti-
cisms and jokes not only exhausts himself soon
and grows flat, but also experiences frequently
the misfortune to offend his companions, if he
be in a particular humour to open the treasures
of his jocose trifles. Every meal to which he
is invited, every civility that is shewn him,
seems to be attended with the onerous condition
to deserve that honour by a display of his jokes;
and if ever he attempt to raise his tone to a
higher strain and to introduce a serious subject,
he is laughed at before he has finished his sen-

26 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

tence. True humour and genuine wit cannot
be forced nor produced by art and mental
toils ; but they are felt like the presence of a
celestial being, creating pleasure, congenial
warmth and secret awe. When you wish to
display your wit you ought always to consider
first in what company you are. A discourse
which is very entertaining to people of a certain
education, may appear very tedious and im-
proper to others, and a humorous expression
which is received well in a society composed of
gentlemen may be very unseasonable in a circle
of ladies.

XXVII. QUIT the society of no person
without having told him something obliging or
instructive, in a manner which does not ofFencJ
his modesty nor has the appearance of being
studied, that he may have no reason to think
the hour lost which he has spent in your com-
pany, and be sensible that you interest yourself
for him, that you are sincerely concerned for
his happiness, and do not lavisti your civilities
indiscriminately upon ev r ery one that happens to
come in your way. But do not misunderstand
me ! I wish if possible to banish all idle talk
from conversation, and to prevail upon my
readers to be careful never to utter any thing

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 27

that neither is useful nor imparts real pleasure to

him who must listen to vou, and interests neither

*

his head nor his heart. I "do therefore not
recommend to you the custom of those that
distress all their acquaintances without inter-
mission by empty compliments, flatteries and
encomiums which admit of no reasonable reply.
As for the rest, I do not think it improper to
intermix our discourse sometimes with a well-
meant expression of civility, or a merited and
modest encomium that may serve as an incite-
ment to the further pursuit of virtue. The sub-
sequent example will more clearly elucidate my
real principles with regard to this point : I once
sat at the table of a friend between a beautiful,
young and sensible lady, and a little deformed
and ugly old maid. I committed the rudeness
to converse during dinner only with the former,
and to neglect the latter entirely. When the
desert was served up the rudeness of my conduct
suddenly struck me, and I now repaired the
fault which I had committed, by a gross offence
against sincerity and veracity. Turning myself
towards my neglected neighbour, I mentioned
an incident which had happened about twenty
years since, and when she told me she did not
recollect it I had the meanness to reply : " It

28 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

is no woncter, for then you must have been a
child." The little deformed being was highly
pleased at my thinking her so young, and that
single word gained me her good opinion. Sh,<t
ought however to have despised me for that
flattery. How easy would it have been for me
to introduce a subject that could have interested
her without nourishing her silly infatuation !
and this would have been my duty ; instead of
which I neglected her entirely all the time while
we were at dinner. That miserable flattery was
undoubtedly a very unmanly and dishonourable
expedient to make amends for my ungentleman-
like neglect.

We may however sometimes give great
offence to some people though we imagined
what we said was very obliging. There are,
for instance, persons who would take it very ill
were we to assure them that they appear to be
very good-natured, and others are offended if
they are told that they have a very healthy
look.

XXVIII. IF you are desirous to gain lasting
respect ; if you wish to offend no one ; to tire
no person by your conversation ; I advise you
not to season your discourse constantly with
aspersions, ridicule and backbiting, nor to use

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 2Q

yourself to the contemptible custom of jeering.
This may please now and then, particularly in
the cirde of a certain class of people ; but a
man that constantly labours to amuse the com-
pany at the expense of other people, or of truth,
\yjll certainly be shunned and despised at last,
and he deserves it ; for a man of feeling and
understanding will bear with the failings of
others, as he must be sensible how much mis-
chief sometimes a single ridicule may produce
though no harm be meant. He also cannot but
wish for more substantial and useful conversa-
tion and loathe gibing nonsense. Yet we use
ourselves but too easily to that miserable cus-
tom in what they call the fashionable circles.
I do however not mean to condemn all ridicule
in general and at all times, nor to deny that
many follies and absurdities can be counteracted
best in less familiar circles by the lashes of
fine, not too plain nor too personal, ridicule.
Neither do I desire you to applaud every thing
you see and hear, nor to excuse all faults ; I
rather must confess, that I always suspect people
that affect to cover all defects of others with
the cloak of charity. They arc generally hvpo-
crites who wish to bribe others by the honour-
able terms in which they fpeak of them, to

3O PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHr

forget the injuries which they commit against
those very persons : or they intend to prevail
on us by such a conduct, to be equally indul-
gent to their own failings and defects.

XXIX. AVOID as much as possible to
relate anecdotes, particularly such as place others
in an unfavourable light, especially if they be
founded merely on hearsay. They are fre-
quently idle inventions, or have passed already
through so many hands as to be greatly exag-
gerated or mutilated, and thus essentially altered.
We can oftentimes seriously injure innocent
and deserving people by the relation of such
anecdotes, and more frequently involve our-
selves in great difficulties.

XXX. BE careful not to carry stories from
one house to another, nor to relate familiar
table talks, family discourses and observations
which you have made on the domestic concerns
and life of people with whom you frequently
converse. Although you should not be a mali-
cious tale-bearer, yet such an officious garrulity
would create mistrust and might occasion a great
deal of animosity and disharmony.

XXXI. BE cautious how you censure and
contradict others. There are few things in the
world that have not at least two different sides.

OF SOCIAL LIFE.- 31

Prejudices overdarkcn frequently the judgment
even of a wise man, and it is difficult to form,
always a just idea of the situation of others.
Be also particularly careful not to judge rashly
of the actions of judicious men, unless your
modesty tell you that you are wiser than those
whom you censure. This internal sense of our
own superiority is however always very sus-
picious. A wise man generally is more lively
than another, has to combat more violent pas-
sions, cares little for the opinion of the multi-
tude, and is less anxious than others to justify
the purity of his motives. As for the rest, you
will do well always to ask before you pronounce
judgment upon others : " What good docs
that man do ? Is he useful to his brethren ?
And if he be, you ought to forget the little
passionate failings which he has, and which are
hurtful to no out but himself, or at most cause
only a trifling and transient harm.

Above all things do not presume to weigh
scrupulously the motives by which others are
actuated to do good. Such an account would
perhaps frequently render your own deeds, even
those that afford you the greatest satisfaction,
very diminutive. The influence which an
action has upon the happiness of the world,

32 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

ought always to be the standard by which we
-estimate its merits or demerits.

XXXII. TAKE heed not to tire the pa-
tience of your hearers by tedious and prolix
discourses. A certain laconism, if it do not
degenerate into an affected mode of speak-
ing only in sentences and aphorisms, or of
weighing scrupulously every word a certain
laconism, i. e. the gift of saying much in few
words, and of keeping the attention alive by
the omission of unimportant details, and at
other times the skill of rendering a trifling cir-
cumstance interesting by relating it in a lively
manner is the real art of social eloquence.
I shall however speak of it more at large in
another place, and now only advise you not to
talk too much in general. Be parsimonious in
dispensing your words and knowledge lest your
store should be exhausted too soon, and you
relate what you neither ought nor intended to
disclose, which only will serve to render your
discourse tedious and disagreeable. Let others
also speak and contribute their share towards
the general conversation. There are- people
who without perceiving it, monopolize every
where the conversation, and were they in a
company of more r than fifty people would

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 33

nevertheless soon find means to be the only
speakers in the room. Disagreeable as this
must be to every company it is equally unplea-
sant and destroys no less the glee of Social
Conversation, when on the other hand we see
people of a different disposition standing mute
and listening as if they were spies, catching
every improper and imprudent word that escapes
in the unsuspicious heat of conversation, as it
should appear for some sinister and malicious
purpose.

XXX^II. THERE are people in Social Life
who arc always ready to receive but never will
give ; who desire to be amused, instructed,
served and applauded, paid and nursed as it
were by the rest of the Public, without giving
any thing in return ; who complain of being
tired to death by the dulness of their com-
panions, but do not consider that others have
just reason to retort the same complaint against
themselves ; who will sit quietly upon their
chair, listening with pleasure to the sallies and
exhilarating discourses of others, without taking
the trouble to contribute any thing to the
amusement of the company. This is however
as unjust as it is tiresome. There are also
many who constantly arc speaking only of their

VOL. I. D

34 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

own person, of their domestic concerns, their
relations, deeds and official occupations ; who
turn every subject that is brought upon the
carpet into that channel, and take every simile,
every idea which they start from these things.
Avoid as much as possible to display in mixed
companies the shape, and to speak in the tone
which you have received by your special edu-
cation, your profession and station in life. Do
not speak of subjects that can be interesting to
no one but yousself. Make no allusion to anec-
dotes which are unknown to the company in
which you are, nor to passages from books
which they probably never have read. Con-
verse not in a foreign language if you have
reason to believe that not all those who are
present understand it. Learn to accommodate
yourself to the tone of the Society in which
you are. Nothing can be more absurd than, if,
for instance, the physician entertain a groupe
of young ladies with a description of his col-
lection of anatomical preparations ; if the
divine in a circle of men of the world enter
into a prolix discussion of some casuistical
point in theology, and the old and infirm
literati entertain a young coquette with an
enumeration of his corns and sores.

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 35

We happen however frequently to come into
companies where it is extremely difficult to
introduce an interesting subject. If a sensible
man be surrounded by people that have no taste
for discourses of a better sort and relish only
idle and trifling talk, it is no fault of his if he
be not understood, and he may console himself
with the consciousness of having spoken of
matters that ought to interest.

$ XXXIV. SPEAK therefore not too much of
yourself when you are not in a circle of inti-
mate friends that interest themselves warmly in
all your concerns ; and even then you will do
well to avoid all egotism. Take care not to
speak too much of yourself if your friends out
of civility should turn the conversation upon
your person, your publications and similar sub-
jects. Modesty is one of the most amiable
qualities, and pleases the more the more rarely it
is to be met with in our times. Be therefore
also not too eager to read your Hterary compo-
sitions to people without being asked to recite
them, to display your talents and to relate your
meritorious actions, nor to give others an
opportunity to request it of you. I would also
advise you not to distress others by your con-
versation, /'. e. not to display such a superiority
D 2

36 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

as to render your companions mute, or to
place them in a disadvantageous light.

XXXV. Do not contradict yourself in
conversation by supporting some principle or
other which you have combated on a former
occasion. We may change our opinions, but
prudence requires we should not judge deci-
sively in company, until we have weighed all the
arguments for and against the point in question.

XXXVI. TAKE care not to expose your-
self on every occasion from want of memory or
attention to yourself, because you are in love
with your own wit, by relating the same stories,
anecdotes, similes, &c. &c. on every occasion.
It is in general, but particularly in Social Con-
versation, highly important that we should
. sharpen our memory, and for that reason not
use ourselves too much to write down every
thing we wish to recollect.

XXXVII. Do not season your discourses
with duplicities, nor with allusions to objects
that either create aversion or make chastity
blush : nor applaud those that do it. No sen-
sible man can relish such discourses. Deny no
where your sense of shame and chastity and
your aversion from obscenity, though the com-
pany should consist only of men.

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 37

XXXVIII. INTERMIX not your discourses
with flat common place expressions. Avoid,
for instance, the hacknied assertion ' that health
is an invaluable treasure;' * that skaiting is a cold
amusement ;' * that every one is his nearest
neighbour;' * thatall iswell that ends well ;' ' that
a burnt child fears the fire;' or ' that time passes
swiftly away,' which en passant is not true; for
as time is computed after a fixed standard it
cannot pass quicker than it must do ; and a
person to whom one year appears to have passed
more rapidly than another, must have slept
more than usual or not have been in his senses ;
such sentences are tiresome and frequently non-
sensical and void of truth.

There are some mechanical people one half
of whose discourses are composed of certain
expressions which they utter without thinking.
They find you for instance dangerously ill in.
your bed and ' rejoice to see you well.' If you
shew them your picture, < that it is indeed an
excellent likeness but painted much too old.'
They will say of all children ' that they are very
big for their age, and very like their father or
mother,' &c. &c.

^ XXXIX. Do not tcaze those with whom
you converse with useless questions. There

38 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

are people who being used to shape all their
discourses in the form of question and answer,
assail us with such a number of interrogatives
as to render it impossible for us to converse with
them after our own manner.

XL. LEARN to brook contradiction. Be
not childishly fond of your own opinions. Do
not grow passionate and rude in disputing, not
even when your serious arguments are opposed
by ridicule and jeering. You have lost half,
however good your cause may be, if you lose
your equanimity; at least you will not be able
to convince your opponent.

XLI. TALK not of your domestic con-
cerns, nor of vexatious subjects in the playhouse,
in concerts and other places of amusement.
We resort to these places to divert and to rest
ourselves, to forget the cares and troubles of
life and to unbend our mind, it is therefore
highly improper to obtrude our diurnal yoke
again upon our shoulders.

^ XLII. I THINK you will agree with me that
no honest and sensible man will scoff at essen-
tial doctrines of religion, though he should be
so unfortunate as to question their truth ; but
I must observe that it would be equally impro-
per to ridicule in company religious rites, cere-

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 3Q

monies that are held by many to be material
parts of religion, or human institutions which
some sects esteem as articles of faith. You
ought to respect what is eacred to others, and
to suffer your brethren to enjoy the same liberty
which you claim for yourself. Do not forget
that what we call mental illumination may be
darkness to others. Spare prejudices that afford
peace to your weaker brethren. Rob no one
without giving him something better for what
you take from him. Recollect always that
ridicule never can convince others ; that our
reason which in this sublunary world labours
under many impediments can easily err in such
important matters; that it is difficult to over-
turn a defective system, which however is the
basis of a good moral edifice, without pulling
down at the same time the whole fabric ; and
finally, that such subjects are unfit for being
discussed at all in mixed companies. I think
however that in our age we avoid but too stu-
diously and anxiously all opportunities of speak-
ing of religion. Some people are ashamed to
evince a warm regard for divine worship from
fear of being taxed with want of mental light,
and others affect to be animated with religious
sentiments, and are anxious to avoid speaking

1

.40 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

against fanaticism in order to ingratiate them-
selves with the devotees. The former is the
most contemptible sort of cowardice, and the
latter mean hypocrisy : either are equally
unbecoming an honest man.

XLIII. WHENEVER you speak of bodily,
mental^ moral or other defects, or relate anec-
dotes that place certain principles in a ridiculous
light, or reflect some blame upon certain ranks
in life ; then be cautious to ascertain first that
no one is present who could be offended by it,
or take that censure or ridicule as a reflection
upon himself, or his relations and friends.

Ridicule the person, shape and features of no
one; for it is not in the power of any mortal
to alter them.

Nothing is more distressing, grievous and
revolting to a man who unfortunately has a
singular countenance or figure than to per-
ceive that it is an object of ridicule or surprise.
People that are acquainted with the world and
have lived amongst men of all forms and shapes
ought certainly not to be in want of being told
of it ; but, alas ! we find even amongst people
of the first quality, particularly amongst the
female part, persons who have so little com-
mand over themselves or such indifferent

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 41

notions of decorum and equity, as not to be
able to conceal the impression which an uncom-
mon sight of that sort produces upon them.
This is however a mark of great weakness ;
and besides if we consider how relative our
notions of beauty and deformity are, how pre-
carious our physiognomical knowledge is, and
how often a beautiful, noble, warm and gene-
rous heart, and a great, well informed and
philosophical mind, is the inhabitant of an
apparently ugly form ; we may justly conclude
how little we arc intitled to draw injurious
inferences from the external appearance of a
man, and that it is always extremely wrong to '
betray the impression which such a sight pro-
duces upon us through laughter, or in any
other manner. There are also other objects
besides a singular shape that frequently strike
us ; as for instance, ridiculous, fantastical and
absurd miens, manners, distortions of the body,
an imprudent and improper conduct, a singular
and grotesque dress, &c. &c. Good breeding
requires also of us not to express our astonish-
ment at these singularities by sarcastic smiles
or signs to those that are present, and thus to
increase the confusion of the poor man that is
guilty of them.

42 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

XLIV. IF you wish to speak to your friend
in company of a person that is present, (though
whispering is in general highly improper), take
at least the precaution not to look or to point at
the man of whom you are going to speak : and
if you are to listen to a discourse concerning
yourself which is carried on at some distance
from you, prudence requires you should not
turn your looks that way ; for this will put the
speakers upon their guard, and we hear besides
with the ears only and not with the eyes.

XLV. BE careful not to remind people
with whom you converse of disagreeable mat-
ters without having a necessity to do it. Many
persons are actuated by an imprudent concern)
to inquire after the state of our oeconomical and
other disagreeable circumstances, although they
can be of no service to us, and thus force us
constantly to ruminate in societies where we
expected to be exhilarated upon matters which
we are anxious to forget. Such a conduct is
extremely improper, imprudent and cruel, if
we be not certain that discourses of that sort
rather will ease and comfort the person to whom
we address them than encreasc his sufferings
and sorrows.

Refrain also from prejudicing people against

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 43

any thing which they have once in their pos-
session and are not at liberty to give up again,
and do not render your connexions dissatisfied
with their situation by disagreeable representa-
tions of its disadvantages. There are, alas !
but too many preachers of truth of that class
who make it their business to reason the most
happy and innocent prejudices away, and thus
rob their brethren frequently of the only com-
fort which they have. This is indeed highly
unbecoming a man who possesses a feeling
mind, and besides can do no good, but rather
be productive of the most lamentable con-
sequences.

$ XLVI. WHEN a person tells disagreeable
things to another or puts him to the blush, do
not take a share in it nor seem to approve of it
by applauding smiles, but rather pretend not to
hear it. The nobleness of such a conduct is
felt and frequently gratefully rewarded.

^ XLVII. I SHALL treat of the custom of
speaking in paradoxes, of the spirit of contrast-
ing and disputing, and of quoting the opinion of
others, in a succeeding chapter of the second
volume, to which I refer my readers.

XLVIII. SECRECY is one of the cardinal
virtues in human life, but, alas ! more rarely

44 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

to be met with every day. Men are in our
times so uncommonly fraudulent in their pro-
mises, nay even in the most solemn assurances
and oaths, as to betray without hesitation
secrets that have been intrusted to them under
the seal of the most inviolable secrecy. People
of another class who are less void of consci-
entiousness but extremely heedless, cannot
bridle their loquacity on any account. They
forget that they have been desired to be silent,
and reveal out of an unpardonable imprudence
the most important secrets of their friends in
public places ; or supposing every one whom
they happen to meet to be a faithful friend,
communicate what they ought not to regard as
their property to people that are as thoughtless
as themselves. Persons of this description are
equally heedless with regard to their own
secrets, plans and concerns, and thus destroy
frequently their temporal happiness and ruin
their best designs.

It is obvious how much injury in general
must arise from such an imprudent disclosure of
our own secrets and those of others. But there
are also many other things which properly are
no secrets, of which reason however teaches
us that it would be better to conceal than to

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 45

divulge them, because the communication of
them can be useful and instructive to no one,
and become hurtful to some person or other.
I recommend therefore a prudent rcservedness,
which however must not degenerate into a
ridiculous mysteriousness. I must observe on
this occasion that people in general are more
reserved in despotic states than in countries
which enjoy more liberty. In the former fear
and mistrust tie the tongue, and in the latter
every one follows the impulse of his heart to
communicate his ideas without restraint.

If we cannot avoid intrusting several people
atone time with the same secret, it will be pru-
dent we should enjoin the strictest secrecy to
every one of them, to lead each of them to
think that he is the sole possessor and will be
alone accountable for the keeping of it.

Many people are in the habit of not explain-
ing themselves distinctly and give no absolute
promise when requested by us to preserve a
secret which we are going to disclose to them.
Good nature prevents us frequently in such a
case to trust to their discretion. Such an am-
biguous conduct is however unbecoming a real
gentleman ; an honest man declares his inten-
tion without reserve, and listens not to a dis-

46 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

closure of that nature until he has informed us
how far he can engage himself to keep the
secret which we are going to communicate to
him.

XLIX. WHAT the French call contenance,
harmony and consistency in our external con-
duct, equanimity, abstinence from all violence,
from all passionate heat and precipitation ought
to be a particular object of the study of people
of a violent temper.

The art of expressing ourselves concisely,
clearly and with energy, without circumlocution
and with warmth, and of accommodating our-
selves to the capacities of those with whom we
converse so as not to tire them : the gift of
relating well and with humour, without laugh-
ing at our own sallies, of representing our
object drily or in a smiling shape, in a serious
or a comical garment and in its natural colours,
is a great talent which can be acquired only by
study and close application. If we aim at some
perfection in this great art we must study our
person, have a proper command over our coun-
tenance, guard against all unnatural distortions
of the face, and if we know that certain ges-
tures give our form a disagreeable appearance,
endeavour to avoid them as much as possible.

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 4?

Our port and gestures must be noble. It is
therefore highly improper to put our head, arms,
and all other limbs in motion like people of
the lowest class, when we speak of unimportant
and unaffccting subjects. When \veoonversewith
others we ought to look them mildly andmodestly
in the face, and to avoid carefully to play with the
buttons of our coat or any thing else. In short,
every thing that bespeaks a polite education
and attention to ourselves is required if our
conversation be to please, and it is highly
important we should not indulge ourselves in
these apparently trifling matters, and observe
every rule of the strictest decorum, even in the
circle of our family, in order to render those
things natural and habitual to us which we so
frequently neglect, and which appear to us to
be an onerous restraint if we accustom our-
selves to disregard them. It would lead me too
far beyond the limits of this work were I to
enlarge more minutely here on this point ; I
shall therefore only remark in general that it is
highly improper to interrupt others when they
are speaking; that civility requires we should
take the plate which our neighbour offers to us
at table, though we should not incline to eat
any of the viands that arc upon it, and to give

48

it farther in order to save him the trouble to
hold it longer in his hands on our account ;
to turn our back as little as possible to other
people; to be careful to commit no mistakes in
names and titles ; when \ve are walking with
people who are punctilious, to let him that is
superior to us always go on the right side, or
in the middle if there be three together ; to
open the window a little or at least to make a
movement as if we were going to do so, when
some person passes our house and salutes us ;
that we ought to observe the same rule when
we are in a coach ; that we should not stare
impudently at those with whom we converse,
but look open and free in their face, have a
proper command over our voice, not halloo,
and yet speak distinctly, preserve a certain dig-
nity in our gait, and not take the lead of the
conversation in all companies ; that when we
are walking with a lady we must offer her our
left arm if she do not walk conveniently
on the right side ; that on steep stairs we must
let the ladies go before us in descending, but
in ascending walk before them ; that when
people do not comprehend us and we foresee that
a more minute explanation would be of no use,
or when the subject is of so little importance as

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 40

'not to deserve a great expenditure of words we
ought to give up our point ; that people of
rank if they be biassed by prejudices will be
offended if one who is inferior to them men-
tion their name along with his own, as for
instance, " We have won yesterday at play :"
for they require to be treated as if they alone
were worth mentioning ; that it is improper in
company to whisper in the ear of our neigh-
bour, to lean our head upon our hands at table,
or to make an tick faces ; that it is a breach of
good breeding to spoil an innocent joke in
company, for instance, when a person exhibits
tricks with cards and we know the manner of
proceeding, to expose him ; that it is improper
to return a toothpick to the person who obliged
us with it after having used it ; that we ought
not to call people ten times back to inform them
of numerous trifles which we forgot to mention
when they parted with us at the door or in.
the street ; that it is a very unbecoming custom
to have always something between our fingeri
or in our mouth with which we amuse ourselves
while we are in conversation with others j that
we first ought to beg leave when we want to
read a letter or to do any thing else of that
nature in the presence of others ; that when
VOL. r. E

5$ PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

we pass some person to whom we owe respect,
propriety requires we should pull off our hat on
the side which is opposite to that where he
walks, lest we should touch him with it or
prevent his seeing our face ; that it is a breach
of decorum to sit in an awkward posture at
table, to make ridiculous faces, or to suffer a
lady or a person who is our superior to assist
others with viands from a dish that stands before
us, &c. &c. People of a certain rank and such
as have not had a very common education know
these trifling rules from their infancy ; I must
however observe that a neglect of them is not
looked upon as indifferent by many, and fre-
quently can hurt us materially in the opinion of
those on whom our fortune depends.

^ L. THERE are some more social improprie-
ties and incongruities which we must avoid and
which will appear to us in their proper light if
we consider what the consequence would be, if
every individual of the company in which we
are were to take the same liberty ; for instance,
to sleep during sermon ; to talk in a con-
cert ; to whisper into the ear of a friend
behind the back of another, or to make signs
to the former which the latter could apply to
himself; to talk privately in company with a

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 51

friend ; to expose ourselves if we dance or play
an instrument indifferently, and thus to excite
the merriment of the company or to make them
yawn ; when people want to make room for us,
to run ten times in all directions against them
as Yorick did to the Marchioness of S * * at
Milan ; to play at cards although we know the
game but indifferently, and thus to tire the
patience of those that play against us, or to
make our partners lose their money by our
want of skill ; to hum the tune which we are
dancing ; to stand in the playhouse, and thus to
prevent those that sit behind us from seeing; to
come later into company, to leave it sooner, or
to stay longer than the rest. Avoid all such
improprieties ! Look not into the papers of
others, nor stay alone in an apartment where
money, notes or writings are on the table. If
two persons who walk before you converse
softly and cautiously with each other, you
ought to make some noise to prevent all sus-
picion of being inclined to overhear them, and
to spare them a disagreeable perplexity. Tri-
fling as such marks of discretion may appear to
some of my readers, yet they tend to render
conversation pleasant and easy, and therefore
ought to be attended to.
E 2

52 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

LI. WE arc frequently tired and vexed at
the tediousness and prolixity of those with
whom we happen to converse. Reason, pru-
dence and, charity require we should exert all
our patience on such occasions if we cannot
avoid them, and not to betray our displeasure
by rudeness and an insulting conduct. The
more inane such a discourse, and the more
talkative the person is who delivers it, the more
are we at liberty to reflect upon other subjects.
But suppose this should not be, we ought at
least to recollect how many hours we dream
away uselessly. We owe besides some sacri-
fice to the societies which we frequent, and
should consider that we also frequently tire
others by our discourses, however high our
opinion may be of the importance of our
deliveries.

' LII. SOME people possess an innate facility
of conversing with men, and a natural gift to
form many new connections with the greatest
ease, and to obtain the good opinion of others
in a short time ; whereas others labour under a
certain habitual timidity and bashfulness, of
which they cannot divest themselves although
they see daily new faces. This timidity is
undoubtedly but too often the consequence of

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 53

an erroneous and defective education, and
sometimes arises also from a secret vanity which
renders them fearful not to appear to advantage.
This fearful ness in the company of strangers
seems to be constitutional with many people,
and all their struggles to shake it off arc fruit-
Jess. A certain reigning Prince who is one of
the most deserving and sensible men whom I
know, and who also has not the least reason to
be bashful on account of his person, nor to fear his
producing unfavourable impressions, has assured
me, that although he was used from his infancy
to see every day new faces and large companies,
yet he could never step into his anti-chamber
where his courtiers were assembled without
being entirely blinded as it were for some
moments. Yet that timidity leaves that amiable
Prince as soon as he has collected himself a
little, when he converses freely and kindly
with every one, and starts better subjects than
his brethren in general are apt to introduce on
such occasions, when the weather, their dogs,
horses and similarunimportant objects commonly
arc the sole theme of their discourses.

A certain ease in conversation and the gift
to appear to advantage on the first interview, as
well as to enter without restraint into conver-

54 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

sation with strangers, and to distinguish at first
sight whom we have before us and what sub-
ject we ought to introduce, are therefore
qualities which we cannot improve and cultivate
too diligently. It is however to be wished that
this might never degenerate into that sort of
impudence and importunity which is so pecu-
liar to adventurers, who sometimes contrive to
learn in less than an hour's time the lives of a
whole company, and arc always ready to relate
their own adventures ; who do not blush to
solicit without hesitation the friendship and the
kind offices of every new acquaintance^ or to
offer their services and protection to people
whom they see for the first time. The princi-
pal point in conversation is to be able to fall
easily in with the tone which is new to us, and
display and advance nothing in the circles to
which we are introduced that is neither valued
nor understood there.

^ LIII. IT is therefore also necessary you
should not take too great pretensions with you
into all circles to which you are admitted.
Prudence requires you should not expect to be
looked upon as the chief person in all compa-
nies, to shine and to bo distinguished, nor pre-
sume to desire that all eyes should be directed

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 55

exclusively at you, and all cars listen only to
jour conversation. If you disregard this advice
you may be certain that you will imagine your-
self to be neglected in all companies, act a
pitiful part, become troublesome to yourself and
others, flee the society of men and be shunned
by them in return. I know many people of
this description who, whenever they are to
appear in an advantageous light, must be the
centre around which the whole company moves;
and there are also a great number who in
Social Life can bear the society of no one that
could be compared with them. They are excel-
lent, noble, great, useful, beneficent and witty,
when they arc the only persons in company to
whom we direct our discourse, requests, expecta-
tions and hopes ; but little, mean, revengeful and
weak ns soon as they are to range themselves
in rank and file, and destroy every edifice the
building of which has not been superintended
by themselves, nay even their own structure if
another person have added a small ornament to
it. This is an unhappy and unsociable dispo-
sition. If you wish to live happy yourself and
to render others so, I would advise you in
general to expect and to demand in this sublu-
nary world as little as possible.
1

56 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

LIV. THUS much on external decorum and
good manners ! I now shall add only a few
words more on dress. Let your dress be neither
above nor beneath your situation ; not above
nor beneath your fortune ; not fantastical nor
too gay, nor ostentatiously sumptuous, splendid
and extravagant, but clean, decent and taste-
ful ; and if you must live sumptuously let your
expenses be tributary to solidity and elegance.
Distinguish yourself neither by an old-fashioned
dress nor by imitating every modish foppery.
Bestow a more than common attention to your
attire when you must mix with the higher
classes. We are distressed in company if we
are conscious of appearing in an improper attire.

Never wear borrowed garments ; for this has
the most noxious influence upon the character
in more than one respect.

LV. IP you ask ( whether it be better to
go often or seldom in company,' I must refer
you to your own individual situation. The
circumstances, wants, and many other trifling
considerations of different persons may render
either one or the other more advisable and
eligible ; I must however make the general
remark, that we ought never to intrude upon
people nor to visit them too often ; and as we

OP SOCIAL LIPB. 57

cannot always please every one, that it is better
our friends and acquaintances should ask us,
* why we see them so rarely ?' than complain of
our coming too often and intruding ourselves
every where. We have a certain internal sense
(if infatuation and presumption do not blind us)
which tells us whether our visit be agreeable or
not, and whether we may stay longer or ought
to take our leave ? The manner in which we
are treated by the children and domestics is
frequently a pretty unequivocal indication of
the disposition of their parents and masters
towards us.

As for the rest, I advise you to form as few
familiar connections as possible ; to select only
a small circle of friends, and to be extremely
careful how you extend it. Men are but too
apt to abuse or to slight us if we become per-
fectly familiar with them. If we wish to live
comfortably, we must in general remain stran-
gers to others in some degree ; for then they
will spare and respect us, and court our society.
On this account it is highly eligible to live in
great cities where we every day can see other
people. This is extremely pleasing to a man
that is not timid amongst strangers ; for then
we hear frequently what we perhaps should not

58 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

have learnt if we had been known to the com-
pany. No person watches us and we can make
many useful observations.

LVI. As for the rest, I advise you also for
vour own sake and that of others never to

y

believe any society to be so entirely indifferent,
or the discourse of any person so totally inane,
as to render it impossible for you to learn at
least something- from it, or to derive from it
matter for reflection. .-

Do not desire to meet in all companies- with
erudition and fine culture ; but prefer, encou-
rage and promote sound natural understanding
and plain sense; afford those that are gifted
with it opportunities to display and to exert it,
and mix with people of all ranks, and you will
acquire by degrees the tone and disposition of
mind which time and circumstances will demand.

$ LVII. BUT with whom are we to converse
most frequently ? The solution of this query
naturally must be modified by the particular
situation of every individual. If we can choose,
(which en passant is oftener the case than we
think), it will, always be advisable to select those
for owr companions that are wiser than our-
selves, people of whom we can icarn something
useful^ who do not Halter and are superior ,to

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 5(>

iis. We prefer however but too frequently to
assemble around us a circle of inferior geniuses,
who whirl around us in obsequious gyration a
often as our superior mind is pleased to brandish
its magical wand ; the consequence of which is
that we always remain as we were, and never
improve in wisdom and virtue. There are
indeed situations in Social Life in which it i
useoil and instructive to mix with people of all
capacities, nay, where it is our duty to con-
verse not only with persons of whom we can
learn something, but also with such as can
derive instruction from us* and have no right to
demand it ; but this condescension ought never
to be carried so far as to endanger the account
which we must give one time of the use of our
life and of our duty to strive at greater per-
fection.

^ LVIII. THE tone that prevails in compa-
nies is frequently uncommonly singular and
unaccountable. Prejudice, vanity, custom,
authority, the desire of imitating others, and
Heaven knows what more, frequently render
that tone so peculiar, that sometimes people
who live in the same place, meet and converse
with each other year after year, and talk of
subjects in such a manner as renders their con-

60 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

versation highly tiresome and tedious to the
whole company and to every individual member
of it. They believe however nevertheless to be
obliged to submit to the inconvenience of con-
tinuing that sort of life without interruption.
Can it be maintained with the least colour of
truth that most fashionable circles afford only to
a single member real pleasure ? How often do
we find scarcely ten persons amongst fifty that
take up the cards who play from inclination ?
It is therefore highly ridiculous if free and inde-
pendent people who live in small towns, or even
in villages and could enjoy life in a rational
manner, unshackled by the onerous fetters of
fashion, bend their necks under that painful
and -cumbersome yoke in order to imitate the
fashionable follies of the capital. If we have
some influence over our neighbours and fellow-
citizens, it is our duty to contribute as much as
lies in our power to render that tone more
rational. But if this should not be the case
and we happen to drop singly into such a circle,
it will be prudent in us not to encrease by an
awkward, sullen or morose conduct, the unea-
siness of the landlord and his guests, but
rather to shew ourselves as masters of the art of
talking much without saying anything, and to

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 6l

claim at least the merit to fill up a vacancy
which otherwise would have been occupied by
slander.

In populous and large cities we arc least ob-
served and can live according to our inclination;
for there we are under less restraint, less watched
and controlled ; our domestic concerns are less
exposed to observation and censure ; we may
walk about unobserved, peaceably and undis-
turbed, transact our business and choose a mode
of life as we think it most convenient. But in
small towns we are doomed to keep a strict
account with a number of frequently tiresome
acquaintances, cousins, &c. &c. of the visits
we arc expected to pay and to receive, which
generally begin at an early hour in the after-
noon and last till ten or eleven o'clock at night,
during which time the news from the capital,
politics and similar edifying subjects are com-
monly the sole topics of conversation. This is
undoubtedly highly painful to a man of sense ;
yet there are means of refining by degrees the
tone of conversation in such places, or of pre-
vailing upon the weak Public after we have been
scandalized a few months, to suffer us to live
in our own manner, if we arc honest, humane,
obliging and sociable. In villages and at our

(52 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

country seats we may undoubtedly live most
comfortable ; and a person that is desirous to
make a good use of his time and to contribute
to the happiness of others, finds there numerous
opportunities to be a benefactor of the most
useful but too much neglected class : social
pleasures are however more difficult to be
procured in the country than in cities and
towns. In those moments our heart is most in
want of the society of some dear friend, the
faithful partner in our joys and sorrows being
perhaps many miles distant from us, unless we
be rich enough to collect a whole army of
friends around us; but this is also attended
with many inconveniences, and very rich people
feel besides this want but rarely. If you wish
to live happy in the country, you must therefore
. learn the great art to relish and to discover the
good qualities of those that happen to be about
you, not to grow tired of simple pleasures, to
husband them well, and to give them a pleasing
variety.

Our conversation in the country is very apt
to grow tiresome and insipid, because our wives,
children and domestic friends are constantly
about us. This may be remedied by a store of
good books which afford new matter for conver-

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 03

sation, by an interesting correspondence with
absent friends that are dear to us, and by a wise
management of our time. No pleasure is
sweeter in the country than that of meeting
our little social circle in the evening of a well-
spent day, after we have performed some useful
business, either to take a walk, or to unbend
our mind by cheerful conversation and innocent
sports : but nothing is more dreadful than to
see people in small towns or in the country,
who must meet every day, constantly quarrel
with each other, although they are not rich
enough to be entirely independent. They ren-
der their existence miserable in the last degree.
It is therefore highly important for people that
reside in small towns or in the country, to be
indulgent, obliging, pliant, circumspect and
prudent in their conduct, and to observe a kind
of coquetry in conversation, in order to prevent
misunderstanding, disgust and aversion. But
we have also no where more reason to be cau-
tious with regard to our discourses and actions
than in small towns, and such places where a
narrow-minded tone prevails, because those
that live there have little amusement, and fre-
quently know of no other diversion than to
repeat the story of every gossip and to meddle

4 PRCATICAL PHILOSOPHY

with the affairs of their neighbours and ac-
quaintances.

LIX. IN foreign countries we cannot be
too circumspect in conversation from various
considerations. It is always very necessary not
to slight certain relations, whether we travel
for the sake of instruction, or in political or
economical concerns, or only to amuse our-
selves. If we travel to gather instruction, we
ought above all things to consider in what coun-
try we are, and whether we may speak of and
inquire after every thing without exposing our-
selves to danger or vexation. There are but
too many states where the government severely
punishes those that bring certain works of dark-
ness to light. In such countries circumspection
is highly necessary as well in our conversations
and inquiries as in the choice of those with
whom we form connections. On this occasion
I must observe, that very few travellers have a
right to trouble their head about the internal
constitution of foreign countries ; yet curiosity
and a certain impulse of restless activity unites
in our age large numbers, to collect in foreign
hotels, inns and clubs dubious anecdotes for
the composition of some indigested work,
while they would have found at home sufficient

OF SOCIAL LIFE. t)5

to do and to learn, if they really had the welfare
of mankind as much at heart as they pretend.
It is obvious that this precaution is doubly neces-
sary when we have something to ask or to trans-
act for our own benefit in a foreign place. As
in such a case many eyes are directed at us, we
must avoid all connection with people who
being dissatisfied with the existing government
are eager to throw themselves into the way of fo-
reigners, because they have injured their charac-
ter by their imprudent conduct, and thus de-
prived themselves of the means of obtaining
civil advantages, which they however seem to
scorn as the fox did the grapes. They seek to
raise themselves a little in the opinion ^f their
fellow-citizens by intruding themselves upon
foreigners, attending them every where on their
walks, and thus leading others to suppose that
they have connections abroad. A foreigner
who intends to stop only a few days at a place
may without danger rove about at pleasure with
these generally garrulous Cicerornes, who com-
monly are provided with a large store of jocular
and scandalous talesand anecdotes : noman of sense
will blame him for it. But a person that means to
stay some time at a place and wishes to be intro-
duced to politer circles, or has totransactbusiness
VOL. i. E

66 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

ofconsequence, will do well to consult theopinion
of the public in the choice of his connections.

Almost every town contains a party of such
malcontents who are dissatisfied either with go-
vernment or with the majority of their fellow-
citizens. Do not associate with such people,
nor choose your connections from among them.
They either imagine they do not receive that
attention to which they presume to be entitled,
or are of a turbulent, calumniating, malevolent,
artful, immoral and arrogant disposition. As
they are shunned by their fellow-citizens for one
or the other of these reasons, they establish
among themselves an association which they
endeavour to strengthen, by alluring people of
understanding and probity by flattery and
other despicable means. Avoid as much as pos-
sible all intercourse with such people, and every
thing in general that breathes party spirit, if you
wish to live comfortably.

LX. EPISTOLARY correspondence is a con-
versation carried on by letters; almost all the
rules which we have given for social conversa-
tion may therefore be applied to our literary in-
tercourse with others. Do therefore not extend
your correspondence too much; for this answers
no reasonable purpose, and is not only expen-

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 67

&ive, but also will take away much of your time.
Be as cautious in the choice of those with whom
you cultivate a familiar correspondence as you
ought to be in the selection of your daily com-
panions. Take a firm resolution never to write
a letter that contains not something that can be
useful, or afford real pleasure to the person to
whom it is directed. Circumspection is still
more necessary in writing than in speaking. It
is also highly important we should take proper
care of the letters which we receive. It will
scarcely be believed how much vexation, ani-
mosity and discord can arise from the neglect of
this rule of prudence. A single irrevocable
word written in a letter, a single slip of paper
left carelessly upon the table or dropped by ac-
cident has frequently utterly ruined the peace
of many persons, and destroyed the happiness of
whole families. We can therefore not be too
circumspect with regard to our letters and to
writing in general. "I repeat it, a heedless word
which we utter is generally soon forgotten, but
one that is written can produce the greatest mis-
chief even after the lapse of many years.

Letters whose speedy and careful delivery is
of some importance to you ought always to be
sent by the regular post, and never to be trans-
F 2

68 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

mitted from motives of oeconomy by travellers
or enclosed to others, for we can rarely rely
upon the punctuality of people in general.

Never read your letters if possible in the pre-
sence of others but always when you are by
yourself; for the contrary is a breach of civility,
and also may lead you to betray their contents
by your change of countenance.

There are people particularly among the la-
dies, who trouble their friends and acquaint-
ances that live with them in the same place on
every trifling occasion with notes and penny-
post letters, a custom which is extremely im-
proper as it encroaches upon the time of many
persons who know how to employ it to a better
purpose, and are not at leisure to read and to
answer every useless scrawl which is sent to
them by idle people.

LXI. BELIEVE always that most people are
not half so good as their friends represent them,
nor half so bad as they are painted by their ene-
mies, and you may be certain that you will
derive many important benefits from it.

Judge not of men by their words but by their
deeds, and choose for your observations those
moments in which they do not suspect to be
observed by you. Direct your attention to

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 69

their less important proceedings, but not to ac-
tions of great moment which generally are per-
formed with more precaution and circumspec-
tion. Observe the humour which a "healthy
man displays when he awakes from sleep, and
the disposition which he shews in the prior part
of the day when body and soul appear in their
morning dress. Endeavour to learn what sort
of viands and beverage he likes best : whether
he prefers very substantial and simple food or
high seasoned and compound dishes ; observe
his gait and port, whether he loves to walk by
himself or prefers to lean upon the arm of an
other ; whether he walks in a strait line or cros-
ses the way of his companion, runs against
others and treads upon their feet; whether he
dislikes walking by himself and always must have
a person to attend him ; whether he uses to con-
sult his friends and acquaintances upon every
trifle, and regulates his conduct after that of his
neighbours and connections; whether he imme-
diately picks up what he has dropt, or leaves it upon
the ground and takes it up only when it is most
convenient to him ; whether he is used to inter-
rupt the discourse of others, and monopolizes as
it were the conversation ; whether he is fond of
being mysterious, and accustomed to call people

70 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

aside to whisper trifling matters in their ear ;
whether he is eager to decide in every matter
that is brought upon the carpet, &c. &c. The
hand-writing of people corresponds also fre-
quently with their character. All children
whose education I have superintended have
learnt to shape their letters after the form of
mine, but as soon as their disposition began to
unfold itself every one added gradually some
features of his own. At the first view their
hand- writing seemed to be alike; but upon more
minute examination, I could discover laziness in
the manner of one, and in that of others nar-
rowness of soul, inconsistency, thoughtlessness,
firmness, perverseness, regularity, or any other
peculiarity. Collect all these observations care-
fully; but be not so unjust as to judge of the
whole character by a few of these and similar
traits. Be not too partial to people that are
more civil to you than others.

Beware to rely firmly upon the love and
friendship of others, before you have proofs of
their affection that have cost them some sacri-
fice. Most people that seem to be cordially
devoted to us, shrink back as soon as occasion
demands they should suppress their favourite in-
clination on our account. This is the real stand-

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 71

ard by which we can judge how we ought to
value the attachment of others. It is no merit
"todo every thing in our power to oblige and to
please a friend while we can do it conveniently;
the real and only test of our sincere concern for
his happiness, consists in our readiness to pur-
chase his comfort even at the cxpence of our fa-
vourite propensities.

LXII. ALL these general and the subse-
quent special rules as well as many more which
I must leave to the judgment of my readers, lest
J should transgress the limits of this work, tend
to render conversation easy and pleasant and to
sweeten Social Life. But there may be some who
perhaps have particular reasons to disregard one
or the other of these rules, and in that case I
think it but just to leave every one at liberty
to promote his individual happiness in his own
way. I shall obtrude my specifics upon no
one. Those that wish neither for the favour of
the great nor for general applause nor fame,
that on account of their political or ceconomical
situation or from other reasons have no occa-
sion to extend the circle of their acquaintances,
and people who arc compelled by old age or in-
firmity to shun social conversation, are not in
want of these rules. We ought therefore to be

/2 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

just enough to demand of no one that he should
accommodate himself to our customs, but let
him steer his own course; for as the happiness
of every individual depends upon the notions
which he entertains of it it would be cruel to
attempt to compel any one to be happy contrary
to his inclination. It is highly entertaining to
observe how busy some empty headed geniuses
sometimes are to decry a worthy man, who has
no inclination to accommodate himself to the
silly tone that prevails in their circles, and being
perfectly satisfied with his secluded existence
refuses to sacrifice his precious time to the pue-
rile whims of every fool. When we refuse to be
slaves to society we offend very often those busy
idlers who know of no other occupation than
to go from their beds to the looking-glass, thence
to dinner, from dinner to the card-table, and
then to bed again.. But this is extremely un-
just, and we ought to blame no one for refusing
to sacrifice his duty to sociability. To stay at
home and to do what we ought to do and for
which we are accountable, does indeed not de-
serve to be called a ridiculous singularity.

LXIII. BEFORE I point out the particular
rules which we must observe in the conversation
with men, I beg leave "to make one more obser-

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 73

vation. Did I write only or principally forJadht}
I should have omitted or at least modified
many of the rules which I have laid down and
intend giving in the subsequent pages, or sub-
stituted others in their room which would be
less useful to men. This however is not the
scope of my book. Experienced and wise la-
dies alone can give to their sex the best rules for
regulating their conduct properly in Social Life;
this is a task in which a man would not succeed.
If however the fair sex should find in this work
some useful hints which they can apply to
themselves it would be no small satisfaction
to me. I only beg leave to observe here, that
ladies are restrained by many considerations
which do not concern our sex. They depend
more than men upon the opinion of the world,
and must be more cautious and reserved in their
conduct. On one hand they arc indulged with
more inadvertencies than our sex, and on the
other with more whims: their conduct begins
sooner to influence their character, while boys
and youths may be more heedless without inju-
ring themselves in a material degree ; their ex-
istence is (or at least ought to be) confined
chiefly to their domestic circle, whereas the
man is tied more firmly to the state by his skua-

74 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

tion. From this reason many virtues and vices,
actions and omissions, produce entirely different
consequences if they be committed by one sex
than if chargeable upon the other.

CHAPTER II.
On the Conversation with Ourselves.

SECTION I.

JL HE duties which we have to observe towards
ourselves are of the last importance, to converse
with our own person can therefore neither be
useless nor uninteresting. It is inexcusable in
any man to live constantly abroad and to neg-
lect his own society in order to converse with
others, to flee as it were from himself, not to
cultivate his own Self, and nevertheless to med-
dle uninterruptedly with the concerns of others.
A man who makes it his daily occupation to live
abroad becomes a stranger in his own house; a
person that lives in a constant round of diver-
sions becomes a stranger to his own heart, is
compelled to strive to kill his internal weariness
in the croud of idle people, loses all confidence

OP SOCIAL LIEE. 75

in himself and is in the greatest distress if ever
he find himself vis-a-vis with himself. The
man that frequents only those circles in which
he is flattered, grows so averse from the voice of
truth that at last lie shuts his ears against it if it
speak, in his heart. If his conscience neverthe-
less continue to reproach him, he plunges into
the bustle of society where that beneficial mo-
nitor is silenced.

II. TAKE therefore care not to neglect your
sincerest friend, your own self, so as to make
him turn his back on you when you are most in
want of him : alas! there will be moments in
which you dare not forsake yourself, though all
the world should relinquish you, moments in
which the conversation with your own self will
be your only comfort. But what will become
of you in such moments if you be at war with
your own heart, if this last and only friend too
deny you all kind of consolation and assistance?

III. BUT if you wish to find comfort, hap-
piness and peace in conversing with your own
self, you must display towards your own person
as much prudence, honesty, propriety and justice
as you ought to show in the society of others,
and neither exasperate nor depress yourself by
neglect, nor corrupt your heart by flattery.

76 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

IV. TAKE care of the health of your soul as
well as of that of your body; but spoil neither the
one nor the other by too much tenderness. The
man that endangers his constitution by too much
labour or excess, squanders away a treasure
which frequently is alone sufficient to raise him
above men and fate, and without which the
wealth of all the world is not worth a pin. But
he that dreads every breeze of air and is fearful
to exert and toexercisehis limbs, lives a nerveless
life of constant anxiety, and attempts in vain to
put the rusty springs in motion when he has oc-
casion to exert his natural powers. A man that
constantly exposes his mind to the tempests of
passion, or incessantly crowds the sails of his
spirit, either runs aground or must return with
his leaky vessel into port, when the best season
for making new discoveries sets in. But he that
suffers the faculties of his understanding and me-
mory constantly to sleep, or shudders at every
little struggle or at any sort of painful exertion,
enjoys not only very little of the sweets of life,
but is also totally lost as soon as energy, courage
and resolution is required.

Take therefore care not to torment yourself
by imaginary sufferings of the body or the soul;
do not give way to every adverse incident or

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 77

corporeal affliction ! Take courage and be reso-
lute! All the storms of adversity are transient;
all difficulties can be overcome by firmness of
mind, and the remembrance of every loss can be
exploded from the memory if we bend our atten-
tion upon some other object.

V. Have a proper regard for yourself if you
wish to be esteemed by others. Do nothing
secretly of which you would be ashamed if a
stranger were to sec it. Act well and properly,
rather to preserve your regard for yourself than
to please others. Do not indulge yourself with
regard to your dress and appearance when you
are alone. Do not walk about in a dirty, ragged
and improper attire, nor slovenly and negligently
when you are not observed. Preserve a proper
sense of your internal dignity. Never lose your
reliance upon yourself, and upon the conscious-
ness of your value in the eyes of your Creator ;
and although you are sensible not to be as wise
and capable as others, yet do not despair to come
up with them ; let not your zeal slacken, nor be
wanting in probity of heart !

VI. Do not despair nor grow faint-hearted
if you cannot attain that degree of moral or in-
tellectual greatness at which an other has arri-
ved, and be not so unjust as to overlook those i

I

/S PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

advantages which you perhaps have before him.
But suppose this should not be the case, is it
possible we all could be equally great? Resist the
desire to rule or to act a conspicuous part. Alas !
you do not know how dearly we often must pay
for it. I am very sensible that it is extremely
difficult to conquer the desire to become a great
man; if we be firmly persuaded vvearegifted with
great abilities and possess internal merit, par-
ticularly if we live amongst a herd of nerveless
beings who are destitute of mental and bodily
energy, and see how little they value our worth,
how little influence we have upon them, how
little they are sensible of our superiority, and
how arrogantly the most pitiful and the dullest
geniuses, who attain the object of their pre-
sumptuous wishes without any exertion of their
own, look down upon us. It is truly hard! You
try all ways and means to obtain the reward due
to your merits and to render yourself useful;
but all your attempts are fruitless, and the state
remains blind to your worth. You attempt to
distinguish yourself by the superiour excellence
of your domestic establishment; but your in-
come is too small, and your wife does not sup-
port you properly ; your spirit is depressed by
domestic cares, and thus you are compelled to

OP SOCIAL LIPE. 79

keep in the common road; you perceive with
pain that your abilities are doomed to lie dor-
mant, and that the springs of your soul grow
rusty from inactivity ; but you cannot resolve
to have recourse to the usual artifices to render
yourself important, and to excite the attention of
your cotemporaries by a pompous shew of your
capacities; nor can you reconcile yourself to a
life of obscurity and idleness. I confess your
situation is truly painful and unfortunate: Yet do
not despair; have confidence in yourself and trust
to Providence! There exists a greatness which is
independent on men, fate and the applause of the
world ; it consists in the internal consciousness
of our merit and rectitude ; and our sense of it
grows stronger the less it is taken notice of.

VII. Be an agreeable companion to your-
self: that is, never be entirely unoccupied, nor
have too often recourse to the store of know-
ledge which you have treasured up in your soul;
but collect new ideas from books and men. It
is astonishing how tiresome we grow to ourselves
and others if we ruminate constantly only upon
our favourite ideas, and how soon we then ac-
custom ourselves to reject all other notions that
differ from those upon which we are used to feed
day after day.

60 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

Our own society does however never grow
more tedious and distressing to ourselves than
when we have painful accounts to settle with
our heart and conscience. If you wish to con-
vince yourself of the truth of this assertion you
need but to observe the difference of your dis-
position. How much dissatisfied with ourselves^
how absent and how burthensome to ourselves
are we after a train of hours which we have tri-
fled away or spent in doing wrong, and how
serene, how happy to reflect upon our conduct,
and to give audience to our ideas at the close of
a well -spent day !

^ VIII. You must however not be satisfied
with being merely an agreeable and entertaining
companion to yourself, but also avoid all sort of
self-flattery and show yourself your own best and
sincerest friend. If you desire to be as kind and
obliging to your own person as you are to your
acquaintances, you must also be as severe and
just to yourself as you are to others. We are
but too apt to be indulgent to ourselves while
we censure the conduct of others with the great-
est rigour, and to impute our deviations from
the right path, though we acknowledge them as
sails to fate or to irresistible impulsions, while we

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 81

treat our erring brethren with intolerance. This
is however extremely wrong and unjust.

IX. LET not the consciousness of your
being better and wiser than others that are of
your age and in a situation similar to yours, be
the standard by which you estimate your merits;
but judge of the real value of your deserts by
your capacities, your education and the oppor-
tunities which you have had to grow wiser and
better than many others. Give frequently an
impartial account to yourself on this point in
the hours of solitude, and ask yourself as an
unprejudiced judge, how you have improved all
opportunities to attain a higher degree of per-
fection ?

CHAPTER III.

On the Conversation with People of different
Tempers and Dispositions.

SECTION I.

W E allow generally that there are four diffe-
rent kinds of temper, and maintain that a man is
either of a choleric, a phlegmatic, a sanguine,
VOL. i. G

82 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

or a melancholy disposition. Although neither
of these tempers ever prevail so exclusively in
our constitution as not to be modified in a smal-
ler or greater degree by some allay of another,
which infinite mixture produces the most admi-
rable variety; yet one of these four cardinal
winds generally exercises a peculiar power over
the vessel of every son of Eve, to direct its
course on the ocean of life. People who are
entirely of a choleric temper are extremely dan-
gerous to the peace and tranquillity of those that
must live in their society. If your happiness
be dear to you you will do well to shun them as
much as possible; for their fire burns incessantly,
lights and consumes without warming. People
who are entirely of a sanguine temper arc weak
and inconsistent, destitute of energy and firm-
ness. Persons of an entirely melancholy temper
are s\\\\zy phlegmatic and a burden to themselves
and others.

People of a cholerico-sangu'me temper in gene-
ral are those that distinguish themselves most in
the world, are more feared than others, and are
more inclined to rule, to build and to destroy;
the cholerico-sanguine temper constitutes there-
fore the character which is the attribute of the
ruler and the despot ; if it be allayed with a

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 83

certain degree of a melancholy disposition it
produces a complete tyrant.

People of a sanguineo-phlegmatic temper en-
joy undoubtedly the happiest disposition. Their
life is generally the most tranquil and undistur-
bed ; they have a true relish of the pleasures
which the world affords, do not often abuse their
abilities, hurt no one ; but at the same time
perform no eminent deeds; yet if this character
attain the highest degree of which it is capable
it generally renders those that possess it volup-
tuaries of the coarsest and most stupid class.

Choleric o -melancholy people cause a great deal
of mischief ; thirst of blood, revenge, devasta-
tion, persecution of innocence and suicide are
frequently the consequences of this disposition.

People of a melancholy-sanguine temper gene-
rally light the torch of their life on both ends at
once, and ruin their body and soul.

Chokrico-phlegmattc tempers are rarely to be
met with : this composition seems to imply a
contradiction ; and yet there are people in whose
character these two extremes constantly succeed
each other like ebb and flood, and these dispo-
sitions are entirely unfit for occupations that
require cool reasoning and equanimity. They
can be put in action only with the greatest
G 2

84 PEACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

difficulty, and when they are roused at last from
their inactivity, rage and foam like wild beasts
and spoil every thing by their furious impetuo-
sity.

Melancholy -phlegmatic dispositions are more
intolerable than any of the preceding descrip-
tion, and to live with them is for every rational
man hell upon earth. I repeat it once more,
the mixture of tempers is infinitely variegated ;
but where one of these dispositions decidedly
prevails we behold always certain virtues or vices
in its train which are peculiar to it. Thus
sanguine people for instance are generally vain,
but benevolent, sympathetic and take to every
thing that interests them with vivacity and
passion ; choleric tempers are commonly ambi-
tious; melancholy dispositions incline to mis-
trust and avarice, and people of a phlegmatic
temper persist obstinately in their prejudices to
save themselves the trouble of reflecting. We
must study the temper of men if we wish to
operate upon them in conversation. I can give
only a few hints with regard to this point if I
am to keep within the limits of this work.

II. People of an imperious disposition are
extremely difficult to be treated properly, and
entirely unfit for amicable and social conver-

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 85

sation. They are determined to act every where
the principal part and want to be humoured on
every occasion. They not only despise what
has not been erected nor is directed by them-
selves, but also destroy it if they can : but when-
ever they have the lead, or at least are persuaded
they have it, they work with indefatigable zeal
and overcome all difficulties that are thrown in
their way. Two people of an imperious temper
if united to attain jointly the same object never
will produce any good, but be impelled by their
private passion to destroy every thing that comes
in their way. Thence we may easily conclude
how we must act if we be obliged to live in the
society of such people.

^ III. AMBITIOUS people must be treated
with the same prudence and caution as those of
an imperious temper. The imperious possess
always a large share of ambition, but not all
people of an ambitious disposition are also of an
imperious temper. They will frequently be
satisfied with acting a subaltern part .provided
they may hope to be able to appear to advan-
tage; nay there are instances in which they
sometimes will seek honour in humiliation, they
resent however nothing with more implacability
than an attack of this weak side of theirs.

1

86 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

IV. VAIN people want to be flattered ;
.praise affords them the greatest pleasure, and
they will be satisfied if we take much notice of
them, display attachment to them and admire
them, although we should not honour them
much. As every man has more or less desire
to please and to produce advantageous impres-
sions, we may sometimes indulge a good man
that is infected with this weakness in this point
without doing wrong, now and then drop a word
that pleases him, let him enjoy the praise which
he receives and even suffer him to applaud him-
self a little occasionally. It is however extremely
degrading for any man to act the mean part of a
low flatterer, who by cringing adulation infa-
tuates vain people in such a degree as to render
them averse to hear any thing but praise,
and make them shut their ears entirely against
the sacred voice of truth, and shun and depre-
ciate every good and candid man that cannot
resolve to demean himself, or thinks it improper
and rude to extol them in their presence. The
learned and ladies are particularly apt to be
spoiled by that sort of adulation, and I knew
some whose company on that account was insup-
portable to every plain-dealing man. At every
word which you are going to utter they expect

OP SOCIAL LIFE. $7

eagerly to hearsomcthing flattering and obliging,
and cannot conceal their vexation and ill hu-
mour as soon as they find themselves disappoint-
ed. The last degree of this vanity leads to a
kind of egotism which renders us incapable for
all social and amicable connexions, and grows
as burdensome to the person infected with it as
it is disgusting to those that must live with him.

Although it would be wrong in us to flatter such
vain people, yet not all persons have a right to
attempt their reformation, particularly if they be
not at all connected with them, to lecture them
in a rude manner, to humble them, or to show
them less civility and kindness than they would
show to any other person ; and those that con-
itantly must live with them would act very
wrong were they to require this of us, and to
desire us to assist them in reforming their
spoiled friends.

Vain people are very apt to flatter others,
because they expect to be repaid in their own
coin.

V. ARROGANCE differs from imperiousness,
ambition and vanity as well as from pride. I
wish pride were regarded as a laudable equality
of mind, as a consciousness of internal superio-
rity and dignity, as a sense of our inability to

88 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

commit a mean action. This pride produces
great and noble deeds ; it is the last support of
persecuted innocence, raises us above fate and
bad men, and compels even the powerful villain
to admire involuntarily the wise and good man
whom he oppresses. Arrogance on the con-
trary actuates us to boast of merits which we do
not possess, and to be proud of something that
has no intrinsic value. It is arrogance that
renders a blockhead proud of his titles and an-
cestry ! It is arrogance that renders the wealthy
citizen so stiff, rude and unsociable ! It is arro-
gance that infatuates the artist with so much
confidence in his supposed merits and talents,
which although acknowledged as such by no
person, raise him in his ideas far above all other
mortals. If no person admire him, he rather
will accuse the whole world of want of taste
than form the natural thought that his abilities
and skill cannot be so great as he supposes.

If this arrogance be the inhabitant of a poor
and disregarded subject, it becomes an object of
pity and rarely does much harm. It is gene-
rally attended by stupidity or ignorance, and of
course incorrigible by sound reasoning, and docs
not deserve to be treated with modesty and in-
dulgence. You cannot check arrogance better

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 8Q

than by repaying persons who are inflated with
it in their own way, by appearing not to be sen-
sible of their arrogance, or taking no notice of
them, and looking upon them as you would
look at an empty spot even when you want
their assistance ; for I know from my own
experience the more you humour them the more
insolence you will experience. But if you pay
them in their own coin their stupidity will
perplex them, and they will lower their high
strain.

^ VI. IT is very unpleasant to converse with
irritable people who are easy to be offended.
This irritability may however originate from
different sources. If therefore we find that the
man with whom we must live and who is apt to
be irritated by the least unguarded word, or a
suspicious look, or by want of attention, if you
find that such a man be very prone to take
offence because he is inflated with vanity and
ambition, which is most frequently the case, or
because he has been vexed and deceived in
many instances by bad people, or because his
heart feels too tenderly, or he expects to receive
from others as much as he gives, you must
regulate your conduct accordingly, and avoid
every thing that can give offence, which how-

0O PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

ever is extremely difficult. If such a man be
honest and reasonable notwithstanding his weak-
ness he will soon be reconciled again to you,
and easily pacified by an amicable and cool
explanation ; he will gradually be led to trust
his best friends, and perhaps even shake off his
weakness at last if you persist in treating him
with candour and liberality. None amongst
all those that are of that disposition are more
difficult to be satisfied and more burthensome
to society, than people who every moment think
they are neglected or not honoured enough.
Take care therefore not to abandon yourself to
that weakness lest you not only torment your-
self, but also disturb the peace and tranquillity
of those that are dear to your heart.

VII. OBSTIXATE people are by far more
tedious and troublesome companions than those
of an irascible temper. Yet they are never-
theless not quite intractable if they be reason-
able ; for then they generally soon give way to
the voice of Reason, become sensible of their
misconduct and our generosity, and grow more
pliable at least for a short time, if we refrain
from contradicting and opposing them in the
first heat of their passion ; but it is truly
distressing to be obliged to live and to transact

OP SOCIAL LIFE. Ql

business with people whose obstinacy is attended
with stupidity and ignorance. We attempt in
vain to meet them with gentleness and argu-
ments. It is therefore advisable in most cases
to suffer such stiff-necked fools to prosecute
their own way blindly, and to entangle them so
much in their own ideas, plans and undertak-
ings as to compel them to apply for our assist-
ance when they are involved in difficulties by
their heedless and imprudent proceedings. If
in that case we let them struggle for some time
with the consequences of their heedless obsti-
nacy they will frequently grow humble and
ductile, and become sensible that they want an
intelligent guide. But if a weak and obstinate
man unfortunately happen but once to find
out that we were wrong in opposing him, or
surprise us in the commission of a trifling
fault, we must give up all hopes of ever leading
him again. He then will always presume to be
wiser than we are and suspect our judgment
and candour.

It is useless to reason with people of either
description in the first moments of their heat,
for this only renders them more obstinate. If
we depend upon them and receive orders from
them which we know will be disapproved by

Q1 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

themselves afterwards, we can do no better
than to promise to execute them without
contradiction : but either to procrastinate
their execution till they have had time to con-
sider them more maturely, or to act secretly
according to our better judgment, which they
generally will approve in cooler moments if we
do but lead them to think that we imagined to
comply with their directions in acting as we
did, and refrain from boasting of the superiority
and greater coolness of our own judgment.

It can be useful and necessary only in very
few and very pressing instances to oppose
obstinacy to obstinacy, and to refuse absolutely
to give up our opinion, or to act contrary to
our better judgment. But this line of con-
duct ceases to produce salutary effects if we
observe it on trifling occasions or too often, or
even when we are in the wrong. A person who
constantly contradicts is generally suspected to
be always in the wrong.

VIII. PETULANCE is a disposition which
mostly arises from obstinacy, but sometimes
also originates merely from singularity or an
unsociable humour. There are people who
pretend to know every thing better than others,
contradict every one, frequently against their

OF SOCIAL LIFE. Q3

o\vn conviction, merely for the sake of dis-
puting. There are others who are fond of
speaking in paradoxes, and accustomed to main-
tain assertions which no sensible man can take
seriously in the sense in which they utter them,
from no other motive than to provoke contradic-
tion ; there are finally others whom the French
call querelleurs (wranglers), that studiously seek
opportunities to engage in personal disputes,
in order to obtain a kind of triumph over timid
people, who at least are of a more fearful dis-
position than themselves.

If you must converse with people of these
descriptions, you will do well to preserve the
most unshaken firmness and not to suffer your-
self to be provoked. I advise you never to
dispute at all with those of the first class, and
to break off the discourse as soon as they con-
tradict out of petulance. This is the only
means of bridling their disputative spirit, and
saves a great many useless words. Those of
the second description you may sometimes
indulge with the pleasure to defend their para-
doxes against you ; but those of the last class
must be treated more severely. If you cannot
avoid their society, and attempt in vain to keep
them at a proper distance by coolness and

04 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

reserve, and to ward off their rudeness, I
would advise you to meet them in so sensible a
manner as will be sufficient to deter them from
troubling you any further. Inform them with-
out either hesitation or circumlocution of your
opinion, and do not suffer yourself to be per-
plexed by their gasconading. My readers will
do me the justice to believe that I think of
duelling as every reasonable man ought to do,
namely, that it is an immoral and irrational
practice ; should however a person be compelled
by his station in life to conform to the prejudice
of rcturninginjuryforinjury, and to revenge itby
personal resentment, this can never be the case
when he is maliciously attacked without having
given any provocation, and it is extremely
wrong to use against a wrangler any other
weapon than contempt, or at most a cane, if
he carry his impudence too far ; and it is the
very height of folly to -\ give him afterwards a
chance to take away our life.

Many people are actuated by a singular spirit
of contradiction. They are always eager to
obtain what they never can possess, are never
satisfied with the actions of others, and dis-
pleased with every thing that is not exactly as
they desire it to be, although it may be ever

3

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 0$

so excellent. It is pretty generally known that
people of this description frequently can be led
to act according to our wishes if we propose
the contrary of what we want to accomplish, or
can contrive to make them realize our own ideas
in opposition to ourselves.

$ IX. IRASCIBLE people rarely offend pur-
posely. They have however no comroul over
the impetuosity of their temper, and thus fre-
quently forget themselves in the height of their
passion so much as to offend even their dearest
friends, but repent afterwards of their heedless-
ness when it is too late. I need not to prove
that if these people deserve being humoured in
some degree on account of other good qualities,
wise compliance and gentle treatment are the
only means by which the irascible man can be
restored to the proper use of his reason. I
must however observe that by opposing a
phlegmatic coldness to his rage you will provoke
him more than by the most violent contra-
diction ; for he then will think himself despised
and grow more furious.

X. WHILE people of an irascible temper
offend only out of hccdlessness, and are as
ready to repent and to forgive as they are apt to
be irritated by trie least appearance of an injury,

,06 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

those of a revengeful disposition conceal their
resentment in their heart till they find an oppor-
tunity of giving vent to their vengeance.
They neither forget nor forgive an offence,
even not when you offer to be reconciled to
them, and use every means except cringing sub-
mission to regain their favour. A man of a
revengeful temper returns every injury which
he really has or only imagines to have received,
not in proportion to its greatness or importance
but thousandfold ; persecution for trifling of-
fences, vengeance for inconsiderate expressions,
public chastisement for private reproaches, and
hesitates not to destroy our happiness if we
offend his ambition. His resentment is not
confined to the person of the offender, but
extends itself even to his family, his civil exist-
ence and friends. It is truly extremely distress-
ing to live with such a man, and the only advice
I can give you, is to avoid as much as possible
to offend him, and to endeavour to inspire him
with a kind of respectful awe, which in general
is the only efficacious means to curb people of
a bad temper.

^ XI. LAZY and phlegmatic people must be
spurred incessantly, and as almost every person
has at least one predominant passion, we find

OF SOCIAL LIFE. Q7

sometimes an opportunity to put such drowsy
people in "motion by exciting it.

There are some among this class of people
who are prompted merely by irresolution to
postpone business that is attended with the
smallest trouble. To answer a letter, to write
a receipt, to pay a bill, &c. &c. is regarded by
them as a labour which requires the most tedious
preparation. People of this description must
sometimes actually be compelled by force to
take the most pressing business in hand ; yet
when they have finished their laborious task
they are generally obliged to us for our impor-
tunity, although they were not pleased with it
at first.

XII. THE company of mistrustful, suspicious,
morose and close people tends more than any
thing to imbitter the joys of Social Life to a
noble-minded and plain-dealing man. It re-
quires in truth a very high degree of unshaken
probity, if a man shall be able to avoid growing
bad and misanthropic himself, when he sees
that they are alarmed at every unguarded step
which he takes, and give room to ungenerous
suspicion on every trifling occasion, that their
bosom is inaccessible to every spark of exhilara-
ting joy that expands his hegrt ; that they are

VOL. i. H

Q8 PRCATICAL PHILOSOPHY

determined to share no pleasing enjoyment with
him ; that they not only render the rapture of
those few serene moments which Fate dispenses
to us tasteless to him, but also disturb him
unfeelingly in his happiest and brightest hu-
mours, rouse him cruelly from his sweetest
dreams and never return his frankness, but
always are upon their guard and imagine to
behold an impostor in their most faithful servant,
and a treacherous enemy in their sincerest
friend.

This mental disease degenerates frequently
into misanthropy, a character which the amiable
author of The Stranger has painted in the most
natural and animated colours.

People of such an unhappy temper are sin-
cerely to be pitied ; for they live only to torment
themselves and others, and their lamentable
disposition arises not always from a depraved
heart. A corrupted and thick blood is fre-
quently the primary cause of such a temper, and
a long train of undeserved misfortunes contri-
butes very much to encrease this mental disease.
It originates also but too often from the deceit-
ful and ungenerous conduct of those with
whom such people are connected. There are,
alas ! but too many cruel and artful wretches

OP SOCIAL LIFE. Q0

that avail themselves of the weakness of good-
natured people to gain their confidence by
canning flattery, and when they have insnared
their heart by the semblance of disinterested
love and have no further occasion to dissemble,
pull off the mask of friendship and appear in
their natural diabolical form. It would there-
fore be ungenerous to hate and to distress
people who by external Causes have been reduced
to such a lamentable state of mind; and equity
requires we should excuse their weakness and
treat them with forbearance and pity.

If your situation should render it impossible
for you to break off all connexion with persons
of such an unhappy disposition, prudence
requires you should not mind their whims and
humour, but treat them with candour and
openness on all occasions ; let them see as
much as possible the origin, motives, course
and object of your actions ; conceal nothing
from them that is connected with their interest
or passions ; consult them in every thing that
concerns them, and act jointly with them in all
matters relating to them. Thus you will gain
their confidence, or at least gradually remove
every suspicion which they entertain against
your sincerity. I also would advise you not

H2

10O PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

to let them see that you know them to be of a
suspicious temper ; for the suspicious is like a
drunken person who will not believe that he is
intoxicated, and is offended if you tell him that
he has drunk too much.

Watch all instances in which your suspicious
friend is deceived, by his suspicion ; in which
he was mistaken in doubting your sincerity or
that of others, or injured himself by giving
way to groundless suspicion. Avail yourself of
the first cool and serene moment in which he is
pleased with you to remind him mildly of his
error. But be careful not to let a single
instance of that kind escape without improving
it. -Tell him whenever you have an opportu-
nity to convince him that he wronged you (not
that he is suspicious, but only) that you are glad
that the purity of your heart is cleared from all
suspicion. He will deny having suspected you.
Do not contradict him, but be satisfied to tell
him that you rejoice at his being convinced of
your innocence. If you repeat this frequently
you will at last succeed in making him sensible
of his weakness and ashamed of his improper
and unjust conduct. In endeavouring to ob-
viate the effects of suspicion and to correct it,
you must prevent all occasions on which it is

OP SOCIAL LIPB. 101

most commonly excited ; for no person of a
suspicious temper gives way to his weakness on
all occasions, but every one that is subject to
it abandons himself to it only on particular
opportunities. If for instance your friend be
near you must never interfere in his money
concerns though he should desire it; if he be
mysterious and reserved you must never consent
to be intrusted with his secrets ; if he be
jealous you must avoid all opportunities to be
in private with the object of his jealousy,
&c. &c. &c.

On observing these rules of prudence you
will be convinced that in most instances it is
our fault if we cannot live happy among men.
A person who unites prudence of conduct with
a benevolent heart, and studies men, knows
their weaknesses and avoids provoking their
faults, will be able to live happy even with the
most ill-tempered people. And believe me
such a wise and benevolent conduct will in a
short time grow easy and natural to you, though
it should be attended in the beginning with a
great deal of trouble and self-denial : for you
need but to converse thus for some time with a
suspicious person and you will cure him entirely,
or at least cause his weakness to break out less

103 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

frequently and obviate many disagreeable and
vexatious quarrels.

XIII. ONE should think that envy and
jealousy could be the inheritance only of mali-
cious and low-minded people ; and yet we find
but too often an allay of these bad qualities in
the hearts of several persons who, in other re-
spects, possess many good dispositions. But,
alas ! how frail is human nature ! ambition and
vanity caq easily tempt us to envy others a
happiness which is the exclusive object of our
wishes, and as soon as this sensation has pro-
duced in our heart a kind of aversion from the
person who remains in the possession of that
envied good, in spite of our envy and jealousy,
we cannot avoid to rejoice secretly if he have to
struggle with some misfortunes ; and Providence
appears to us to justify by these calamities our
inimical sentiments, particularly if we have been
weak enough to betray them to others. I shall
speak more at large in some other place of the
conduct which we must adopt, if we be con-
nected with people of a jealous disposition, and
here give only some general rules, the observa-
tion of which may prevent us in many instances
from provoking envy to direct its poisonous
shafts at us. If you wish to avoid exciting th?

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 1O3

envy of others you will do well to enjoy what-
ever you possess without ostentation, and to
make as little shew of your prosperity, merits
and talents as possible. Boast not of your
wealth in every company, enjoy the pleasures of
life with as much moderation and as little noise
as possible ; let your dress rather bespeak taste
than a propensity for ostentatious splendour ;
and if you be so fortunate as to be intimately
connected and to correspond with certain great
and wealthy people, avoid to commit the weak-
ness of proclaiming it to all the world, or to read
with a childish vanity their letters to all your
friends. Take notice of the good qualities and
merits which you discover in those that envy
you. Let them see that you are not blind to
their brighter parts ; speak of them, commend
them, and thus convince them that they also
possess desirable qualities. This will tend to
reconcile them, at least in some degree, to your
superiority, soothe their vexation and counter-*
act their mental disease.

XIV. ENVY frequently produces the dread-
ful vice of calumny^ from the attacks of which
even the best and worthiest characters are not
secure. The best means which you can apply
to guard off its baneful effects is the preserva-
tion of your innocence. Do not flatter yourself

104 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

to remain unhurt from its venomous blasts, if
your conscience accuse you of secret actions
which you would be ashamed to confess to the
world, but have committed with so much pru-
dence and art as to keep them entirely from the
knowledge of your friends and connexions.
The consciousness of having acted wrong will
deprive you of the courage and firmness which
you must have, if you shall be able to defeat the
malicious inventions of those who want to ruin
your character. But let us even suppose you
should be able to meet the calumniator with
firmness, notwithstanding the secret accusations
of your heart, and to prove his assertions to be
nothing else but malicious inventions, will your
defence avail you anything if one of those pri-
vate actions with which your consience re-
proaches you unfortunately should transpire, and
render your exculpation suspicious ? And is it
in the power of any mortal to direct the course
of incidents so as to prevent it taking a turn
which would expose him in his natural shape ?
If therefore you wish to evade the dire effects
of calumny you cannot be too careful to reserve
your innocence of heart. But as calumny gene-
rally founds her suspicions and aspersions rather
on appearances than on facts, you ought at the

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 105

same time to be extremely cautious not to commit
any action that has even the semblance of guilt.
In vain will you appeal to the purity of your heart
and the innocence of your actions if appear-
ances be against you ; for, alas ! the majority
are but too prone to be guided in their opinion
by the latter, and few only will take the trouble
to examine impartially whether they are founded
on facts or not. Endeavour therefore, as much
as possible, to preserve the purity of your heart,
and to avoid all unfavourable appearances if
you wish to avert the poisonous shafts which
calumny directs at your character.

To have displayed a warm and active zeal for
the welfare of your fellow-creatures will also serve
to arm you powerfully against the attacks of
malicious calumniators. If you be an useless
being and have done little or no good, if you
have afforded advice, consolation and assistance
to no one, calumny will find it easy to wound
your honour ; for you have done no good ac-
tions which could speak in your defence, and
there is no person who could say anything
laudable of you : but if you have been active
and indefatigable in doipg as much good as was
in your power, those to whom you have been
kind will interest themselves for you when you

106 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

are slandered, and strive to rescue your character
from the venomous tooth of calumny.

I must further observe, that if the good ac-
tions which you perform be to serve you as a
protecting shield against the shafts of calumny,
they must flow from a sincere regard for your
duty as a member of human society ; for it is
not sufficient that we have done much good, if
we wish to silence the voice of calumny by our
actions ; they must originate from a pure source
and be done with a laudable intention. Although
you should perform the brightest deeds, yet
they will not be sufficient to defend you against
slander and defamation, if pride, ambition, self-
interest, weakness, or thirst after sensual plea-
sure guide your steps : calumny will find it an
easy matter in that case to depreciate them, and
to deprive you of the applause which you ex-
pect to earn. Let therefore all your steps be
guided by the voice of your duty ; let the good
which you do be graced by modesty and an
unassuming conduct, and you will blunt the
arrows of calumny, and finally triumph over the
malicious aggressors of your honour.

XV. PEOPLE that, without paying any re-
gard to age, sex or merit, consider every person
whom they meet as a fit object for displaying

OF SOCIAL LIFE. It>7

the powers of their wit, and indiscriminately
turn the words, the dress and the actions of the
knave as well as of the honest man into ridicule,
to excite the merriment of the company in which
they are, arc a most intolerable sort of beings,
and frequently embitter the hours of Social
happiness to feeling minds. If you be con-
scious of not possessing a sufficient share of cool-
ness and moderation to defeat the purpose of
these disturbers of innocent joy, you can do no
better than to shun their company as much as
possible. Yet as you have it not always ia
your power to avoid the company of these
peace-disturbing wits entirely, or to break off
all the connexion which you already may have
formed with people of that class, you will ex T
pect me to point out to you such a line of con-
duct as may enable you to render their society
less distressing to you.

The principal rule which I would advise you
carefully to observe, is. to give no opportunity
to scoffers to make you the butt of their ridi-
cule ; for they cannot direct the batteries of
their wanton wit against you if you do not
encourage them either by your discourses or
actions to attack you. Take care therefore not
to oftcnd them, nor to expose your weak side

108 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

in their presence. As soon as you provoke
people of that description, hurt them in the
slightest degree, or in any manner give occasion
for ridicule by your actions or words, and betray
your weakness, they will take it as a signal to
discharge the artillery of their false wit against
you. You must therefore take a firm resolu-
tion to treat them with the greatest precaution,
not to render yourself odious to them by a too
visible coolness or incivility, by disobliging them
or speaking ill of them in their absence, or of-
fending their pride, and not to irritate them in
those parts where they are apt to take fire. Be
also always upon your guard not to speak nor
to do anything that could expose you to ridi-
cule. Be particularly careful not to distinguish
yourself from your cotemporarics by a singular
dress or awkward manners ; and accommodate
yourself as far as is consistent with propriety,
and the regard which you owe to yourself to
the innocent customs of your age. Avail your-
self of every opportunity to mix with polite
society, to shake off that awkward bashfulness
and perplexity which but too often overshadows
the lustre of the brightest jewel, and frequently
excites the laughter of ridicule against those
who, by their intrinsic worth, arc intitled to

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 100

claim the regard and the applause of every man
of sense and feeling.

It is however not sufficient only to avoid an
opportunity to the scoffer to ridicule you ; if
you be desirous to shield yourself against the
wanton sallies of his merciless wit you must
also deprive him of all courage to attack you.
To effect this, I would advise you to display a
certain dignity of conduct on your first meeting
with people who are apt to ridicule others ; to
shew them by your looks, by the tone of your
voice and your whole deportment what they
have to expect from you. Let your counte-
nance always bespeak your consciousness of in-
nate dignity while you are in their society ; re-
frain from jesting and being familiar with them,
and maintain your seriousness with an unshaken
equanimity. Should the scoffer, notwithstand-
ing this mode of conduct, which in general
intimidates those shallow-brained wits, make an
attempt to distress you by his ridicule, you will
undoubtedly deprive him of the courage to make
a second trial if you tell him plainly, with a
certain dignity of mien and accent, that you are
determined not to suffer yourself to be abused
by him. But as some of my readers may think
it rather difficult to regulate their conduct at

110 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

all times according to these rules, and to apply
them properly, I shall add one more which
every intelligent being is capable of observing,
and which is by far more important and decisive
than those which I hsve pointed out already.

Live as an honest mail and a useful member
of human society ; be a tender father to your
children, v an affectionate husband, a loyal sub-
ject of your King, diligent and careful in the
performance of the duties of your calling, just
to every one, benevolent and charitable, modest,
obliging, peaceable, polite and liberal in Social
Life, and no scoffer will dare to attack ybti :
and if, nevertheless, he should make an attempt
to direct the shafts of his wit at you he will
never be capable of wounding your honour, nor
of hurting you materially ; but his ridicuje will
excite the indignation of all those that know
jt and respect your virtue.

XVI. AVARICE is one of the meanest and
most disgraceful passions. No meanness can
be imagined which a miser is not capable of
committing if his thirst for riches be excited ;
and all nobler sensations, friendship, pity and
benevolence are shut out of his heart if they
be not productive of gain : nay, he denies him-
self even the most innocent pleasures if he can-
1

OP SOCIAL LIFE. Ill

not have them for nothing. He considers every
stranger as a thief, and himself as a parasite who
lives at the cxpence of his better self, of his
Mammon. However in our times, when luxury
is carried to a higher degree every day, when the
wants of even the most sober man, who must
live in the world and maintain a family, are so
great ; when the price of provisions rises day
after day, and so much depends upon the influ-
ence of money, and the rich has a decided
superiority over the poor ; and finally, when im-
position and falsehood on one side, and mistrust
and want of fellow-feeling on the other encrease
visibly in all ranks, and therefore reliance upon
the assistance of our fellow-citizens becomes an
unsafe capital ; in these times it would be wrong
in us to call every saving and prudent man a
miser, without having inquired first into his
situation, and the motives which excited his
actions.

Amongst the real misers there are also some
who, besides the thirst after money, are ruled
by another co-prevailing passion. These people
accumulate, save, cheat others, and deny them-
selves every thing that does not tend to satisfy
that passion, whether it be lust, gluttony, am-
bition, curiosity, gambling, or any other object.

112 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

I have known people who would have betrayed
for the sake of a guinea a friend, and even a
brother or a sister, and exposed themselves to
public infamy ; whereas they thought their mo-
ney well applied in purchasing a single moment
of sensual gratification at the pace of a hundred
and more guineas.

There are others who so ill calculate as to
save pence and to throw away guineas. They
love money, but do not know how to husband
it. In order to recover the sums of which they
have been cheated by rogues, swindlers^ ad-
venturers and flatterers they stint their servants,
buy the worst sort of provisions if they can save
something by it, haggle with the industrious
tradesman and shopkeeper about a few pence in
a most degrading manner, and inquire eagerly
after those places where the articles which they
want can be had at the cheapest rate, though
perhaps not always of the best quality.

Finally, there are others who are liberal on
every occasion and in general are not afraid to
spend money ; but in one single point, on which
they put a peculiar value, ridiculously stingy.
My friends have frequently censured me for
being over-parsimonious with regard to writing
materials, and I cannot deny being subject to

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 113

that weakness. Although I am not rich yet I
part less reluctantly with a shilling than with a
sheet of the best writing paper.

If you wish to preserve the favour of avaricious
people you will do well never to ask any thing
of them ; yet as this cannot always be avoided,
prudence requires you should learn to which of
the above described classes of avaricious people
the man belongs with whom you have to deal,
that you may be able to regulate your conduct
accordingly.

With regard to the conversation with spend-
thrifts I have only to observe, that a rational
man ought not to suffer himself to be misled by
their example to incur foolish expenses, and
that it is beneath the dignity of an honest
man to take advantage of their thoughtless
liberality either for his own benefit or that of
his friends.

XVII. WE must not expect that even our
noblest and wisest actions will always be attended
with gratitude and success. Thisprinciple I think
we ought to have always before our eyes if we
wish not to grow averse from serving others,
or become inimical to our fellow-creatures and
dissatisfied with GOD and our fate. We should
however be destitute of every human feeling if

VOL. i. I

114 PBACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

it did not vex us to see ourselves slighted by peo-
ple whom we have served faithfully, sincerely
and without self-interest to whom we have de-
voted ourselves entirely and perhaps even sacri-
ficed our own advantage, as soon as they have
no further occasion for our assistance; or
betrayed, abused and persecuted when they can
obtain by their ingratitude temporal advantages,
or gain the favour of our powerful enemies.
This will however not deter a man who knows
the human heart and is a warm friend of virtue
from being generous. As I shall have an oppor-
tunity of recurring again to this subject in two
succeeding chapters, I shall only observe at pre-
sent, that every good action rewards itself; yea,
that a man of a humane and liberal disposition,
if he know beforehand that he must not look for
gratitude amongst men derives a new source of
internal satisfaction from that very ingratitude,
namely, the pleasureof being conscious of having
done good merely from a love of his duty. He
laments the corruption of those that are capable
of forgetting theirbenefactor, andcontinues to be
ready and studious to serve those that are so
much the more in want of his assistance, the
weaker they are and the less internal happiness
they have in their heart. Do not therefore com-

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 115

plain of the ingratitude which you experience,
nor reproach the ungrateful for it, but continue
to be generous to him! Receive him again
when he returns to you, he may grow sensible
at last of the excellency and noblenesss of your
conduct, and repair the injury of which he is
guilty if not, I advise you to reflect that every
vice punishes itself, and that the heart of the
ungrateful wretch, and the unavoidable conse-
quences of his meanness, will avenge you upon
him Alas ! what a long chapter on the ingrati-
tude of men could I write ! How many instan-
ces of it have I experienced on the thorny path
of the mazy labyrinths of life ! But I will be
silent and strive to forget the degeneracy of my
brethren.

$ XVIII. MANY people find it absolutely
impossible to pursue any object of their wishes
on a strait path ; artifice, cunning and mfidious-
ness guide them in all their undertakings, al-
though their heart be not entirely bad. A cer-
tain unfortunate disposition of mind, timidity
and the influence of the occurrences of life, are
frequently the principal causes which produce
that character. A suspicious man for instance
is but too apt to veil even the most innocent
transactions in mysteriousness, to disguise him-

i 2

116 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

self and to conceal the real object of his pur-
suits. A man of an ill-regulated activity and
of too firy a temper, an artful enterprizing
genius, who is in a situation in which he meets
with too much uniformity and sameness, and
finds no opportunity to unfold and display his
talents, will attempt numerous crooked ways to
extend his compass of activity, or to render the
scene of action more interesting ; and in that
case he will not be over-conscientious in the
choice of the means which he applies to accom-
plish his purpose. A very vain man will pro-
ceed with a great deal of mysteriousness to con-
ceal his weakness. A courtier who is used to
see nothing but deceit, intrigues, cabals and
plots, and is not accustomed to go the strait
way, will think a life that flows along without
intricacies very uniform and tedious, veil his
most unimportant steps in impenetrable myste-
riousness, and give to his most innocent transac-
tions an enigmatical appearance. The lawyer
who is constantly occupied with the sophistries
of chicane, is very fond of dealing in puns and
quibbles on every occasion. People that have
overstrained their imagination by reading novels
and other fantastical books, or lost their sense
for simplicity, artless nature and truth through

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 117

a profligate and idle life or bad company, cannot
exist without intriguing ; and there are also a
great number of people who do not wish half as
ardently for an object which they can obtain in
a regular manner as for what they expect to
procure clandestinely and surreptitiously. Even
the most generous and open man, particularly if
he be young, may be tempted to have recourse
to crooked means if we constantly treat him
with mistrust, or with so much severity as to
render him incapable to place any confidence
in us.

But whatever may have contributed to accus-
tom a person to employ artifice and intrigues,
the following mode of conduct is the best which
you can adopt in your dealings with characters
of that description. Treat them always with
openness and candour, and show yourself by
words and deeds a decided enemy to every thing
that can be called artifice, intrigue and deceit ;
and as a warm admirer of every honest man, to
make them sensible how much they would lose
in your eyes if ever you should surprise them on
crooked paths.

Display an unlimited confidence in their ho-
nesty while they have not deceived you, and
lead them to think that you arc incaj>able of

118 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

believing they should ever be able to attempt
imposing upon you. If they set any value on your
regard they then will carefully avoid displeasing
you.

Be as tolerant to their weaknesses and as
ready to pardon and to excuse their failings
(provided they hate meditated no malicious
trick) as will be sufficient to convince them, that
they have no reason to fear and deceive you
as vigorous censors.

Do not watch their conduct as a spy nor at-
tempt to sift them in a circuitous manner, but
question them frankly and directly in a firm
tone and with penetrating looks, if you want to
obtain some elucidation which you have a right
to demand. Should they stammer and attempt
to elude your question, I would advise you either
to drop the subject of your inquiries entirely,
letting them see you wish to spare them the
shame of imposing upon you, and to treat them
afterwards with more coldness than usual, or to
caution them in an amicable but serious manner
not to disgrace themselves.

Should they however deceive you notwith-
standing your endeavours to prevent it, pru-
dence bids you not to treat their insincerity
slightly ! Display the greatest indignation at the

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 11Q

first false step, and do not forgive it immediately.
But if all this should not becapable of correcting
them, should they continue to impose upon you
you can take no better measure than punishing
them by contempt, and letting them see you
shall suspect all their professions and actions
until they be entirely corrected. I must how-
ever observe, that a person who is once accus-
tomed to artifice and crooked dealings very
seldom returns to the path of truth and can-
dour.

The above rules are also applicable in the
treatment of liars.

XIX. THOSE that commonly are called
boasters, braggers and puffers are of a different
species. They have no intention to deceive
actually, but invent stories or exaggerate real
facts for no other purpose than to show them-
selves more to advantage and attract the notice
of others; to induce others to form a high opi-
nion of their talents and merits ; to excite asto-
nishment by the relation of wonderful incidents,
or to be regarded as agreeable and chearful com-
panions; and if once they have acquired a habit
of adorning and exaggerating an incident, a
simile or a sentence at the expence of truth, they
iometimes believe their own bragging and

12O PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

puffing and view all objects through a micro-
scope.

The relations and descriptions of such puffing
boasters are sometimes entertaining enough ;
and if we be once acquainted with their emble-
matical language we know how much we have
to believe.

Yet if they should carry their exaggerations
too far, I would advise you either to entangle
them in their own net by a number of questions
about the minutest circumstances, so as to ren-
der them unable to advance or to retreat and
thus put them to the blush, or to return them
for every gasconade another still more comical
and exaggerated, and thus convince them
that you are not so silly as to believe them; or
to furl the sails of conversation suddenly as soon
as they begin to puff, which if repeated fre-
quently generally will make them more cau-
tious.

XX. IMPUDENT, idle and intriguing people,
farasites and flatterers ought to be kept at a
proper distance. You will do well not to be
too familiar with them, and to let them know
by a civil but cool and serious treatment that
their society and familiarity is not agreeable to
you. Parasites who seek our company or> ac-

OF SOCIAL LIPB.

count of our table, will not trouble us for any
length of time with their intrusion if we never ask
them to eat or to drink with us; but against
flatterers particularly those of a finer class, we
ought to be more on our guard for the sake of
our own moral character. They spoil our heart
entirely if we accustom our ear to listen to their
poisonous discourses: we then want constantly
to be tickled, are disgusted with the voice of
truth, and neglect and slight our most faithful
and best friends, who are desirous to make us
sensible of our defects and errors. If you wish
not to fall thus deeply, arm yourself with indif-
ference againt the baneful allurements of flat-
tery. Shun the flatterer as you would flee from
a venomous serpent. This is however not so
easy to be done as you perhaps may think.
Some people have a manner of saying flatteries
which appear to be just their reverse. The art-
ful flatterer that has explored your blind side
will not applaud always, if he know that you
have too much sense not to see the danger
that lurks beneath the coarser snares of flat-
tery, but will sometimes rather censure you. He
will for instance, tell you " that he cannot com-
prehend how a noble-minded and wise man like
you, could forget himself so much for a mo-

122 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

ment ; he had thought that this could happen
only to ordinary people like himself." If you
be an authour he will censure defects in your
writings, which at first sight must appear trifling
to you, and only serve him to applaud those
passages of which he knows you to be proud
with so much the more impudence. He will
discover weaknesses, and censure you with a
pretended zeal for defects that flatter your
vanity. He will for instance call you a misan-
thrope if you wish to be famous for your solitary
manner of life, and charge you with being in-
triguing if you be desirous to appear as a
consummate courtier. In this manner he will
lead you imperceptibly to think that he is an
impartial lover of truth; you will greedily
swallow his sweet poison, and in your infatua-
tion open your heart and purse to the artful de-
ceiver.

XXI. I SHALL now speak of the conduct
which we ought to observe with regard to Vil-
lains: that is, people whose heart has been de-
praved so much by a neglected education, bad
company or other causes, as to exhibit no ves-
tige of its former good disposition.

It is obvious that we must avoid if possible all
connexions with people of this description, if we
1

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 123

really are anxious to preserve our peace of mind
and have our moral improvement at heart. Al-
though a man of firm principles will not easily
be spoiled in their company, yet he may accus-
tom himself gradually to the sight of villanies,
and thus lose that aversion from every thing
that is mean, which frequently is alone sufficient
to preserve us from falling in moments of temp-
tation. We are however but too often necessi-
tated by our situation in life to live in the midst
of villains, and to transact business jointly with
them, and in that case it will be necessary not
to lose sight of certain rules of prudence.

If you distinguish yourself by superiour ta-
lents and a conspicuous excellence of heart, you
have just reason to apprehend that people of bad
principles and morals will attempt to disturb
your peace of mind and to vex you. There ex-
ists an eternal league between villains and block-
heads against all good and sensible people, such
an intimate connexion as enables them to know
each other among the rest of mankind, a kind
of fraternity which renders them willing to go
hand-in-hand, although they should be ever so
much separated by other circumstances, as soon
as an opportunity offers to persecute and to
trample upon real merit. No kind of precau-

124 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

tion and reserve can avail anything against
that confederation ; you will rely in vain upon
your openness and innocence, in vain proceed
^ith moderation and lenity, conceal your me-
rits and attempt to screen yourself by the ap-
pearance of mediocrity, if you really be at
man of sense and a votary of virtue. No one
discovers the excellencies which you possess
easier than those that are totally destitute of
these good qualities ; no one does secretly
more justice to merit than a villain ; but he
trembles at it like satan at the gospel, and leaves
no stone unturned to oppose it. That nume-
rous confederation of villains and blockheads will
teaze you incessantly, attack your honour, now
speak ambiguously of you, and now with undis-
guised malignity, and maliciously misrepresent
your most innocent words and actions.

But be not frightened at it although you
should be actually distressed for some time by
knaves and villains, yet the probity and the
consequences of your actions will finally con-
quer, and your enemies be entrapt in their own
snares. Besides rogues and villains are unani-
mous only while no manly firmness and resolu-
tion is required, and while they can fight in the
dark, but disperse as soon as they are exposed to

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 125

the light. Pursue therefore firmly the strait
path which your duty points out to you. Never
indulge yourself with the application of crooked
means, never employ artifice to defeat roguery,
never have recourse to intrigues to counteract
cabals, and never associate with villains against
villains. Act generously ! Ill treatment and
suspision if carried too far can make a complete
villain of a person who is only half a rogue ;
whereas generosity may sometimes correct a
hardened knave and render him attentive to
the voice of his conscience. You will however
do well to make him sensible that your conduct
before him is not regulated by fear, but solely
by voluntary generosity. Let him feel that
when matters are carried too far, and the in-
dignation of a resolute and honest man breaks
loose, the wise and courageous votary of virtue
in the dust is more to be dreaded than a rogue
bedecked with purple ; that a noble mind, that
virtue, prudence and spirit render a man more
powerful than a knave is at the head of an army
of vile hirelings. What has a man to fear who
has left nothing else at stake than what no mor-
tal can wrest from him ? and how little can a
cowardly sultan, an unjust despot, who constantly
carries an enemy with him in his bosom that
3

126 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

goads him incessantly ! how little, I say, can such
a contemptible being prevail in the moment of
extreme and despairing necessity against the
meanest of his subjects, who is supported in the
conflict by the firmest allies, an unpolluted
heart, a sound understanding, an undaunted
spirit and a pair of sinewy arms ?

It is impossible to render ourselves beloved by
some people, and in that case it will be at least
some advantage to be dreaded by them.

There are others that will avail themselves of
every opportunity to betray us into a certain con-
fidence and familiarity in order to obtain arms
against us, with which they threaten to assail us
when we refuse to obey their imperious dictates.
Prudence requires we should guard against such
dangerous persons as much as possible.

Make presents to the person whom you have
reason to suspect of being inclined to rob you,
if you think generosity can make any im-
pression upon his heart.

Encourage and honour people that display an
active propensity to do good. Do not ruin their
credit if you possibly can avoid it. There are
people who speak extremely well but are knaves
in their actions, highly inconsequent, thought-
less and passionate. Do not unmask them if

OP SOCIAL LIPB. 177

the consequences of their disposition do not
render it absolutely necessary. They do at least
some good by their discourses, which will remain
undone if you render them suspected of dupli-
city. They ought to be sent from place to
place to promote good purposes, but never to
stay long in one place lest they should expose
themselves, and by their example destroy the
good effects of their doctrines.

XXII. PEOPLE that are too modest and
timid ought to be encouraged and inspired
with confidence in themselves. Too much
timidity is as unmanly as impudence and arro-
gance are despicable. A man of a noble dispo-
sition ought to be sensible of his worth, and as
just to himself as he is to others. Yet a modest
man is offended by too much praise, and too
visible marks of distinction : display, therefore,
the regard which you have for him less by
words than by actions, which are the best proofs
of real affection.

XXIII. IMPRUDENT and talkative people
ought, naturally, not to be trusted with secret?.
It would indeed be much better if there ex-
isted no secrets at all, if we could always act
openly and frankly, and let ever)- one see the
most secret thoughts of our heart ; it would be

128 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

much better if men thought and uttered no-
thing but what every one might know : yet as
this is not always possible, particularly with
people who arc in public offices and entrusted
with the secrets of others, we must therefore be
cautious to whom we communicate our secrets.

There are people who are utterly incapable
of keeping a secret. Their running anxiously
from place to place, like a hen that is going to
lay an egg, is a certain indication that they
have some secret to disclose, and suffer much
uneasiness till they have communicated it to
another gossip. Others are indeed not disin-
clined to keep the secrets which have been en-
trusted to them, but wanting prudence betray
them involuntarily by their looks, hints and
signs ; or from want of firmness are incapable
to resist importunate inquirers, or to have too
good an opinion of the discretion and probity
of others, which frequently makes them commit
a breach of secresy. To people of this class
you cannot be too reserved.

Curious people, who make it their business to
explore the private concerns of others may be
treated in a different manner, as circumstances
require. If you wish to check their prying
curiosity at once, and to deter them from making

OP SOCIAL LIFE.

any further attempts to meddle with your
private concerns, to act the part of eaves-
droppers, to watch your steps and to pry into
your plans and transactions, you can take no
surer step than to declare to them with energy
and spirit, that you are determined to resist
their impertinent intrusion, and to resent the
least attempt of theirs to meddle with your af-
fairs. Should you, however, wish to divert
yourself at the expence of their prying dispo-
sition, you may amuse their curiosity by direct-
ing it to such a number of trifles as will keep
them constantly employed, and leave them no
time to trouble themselves about matters which
you are desirous of concealing from them.

Heedless and forgetful people are unfit for any
business that requires punctuality. Young per-
sons may sometimes be weaned from this defect,
and trained to keep their thoughts together.
Many that are forgetful and heedless from a
lively temper, will shake off that weakness when
they grow older and more sedate. Others af-
fect to be thoughtless, because they imagine
that it gives them an appearance of learning.
Fools of that sort deserve to be pitied ; and I
would advise you to take no notice of their
studied distraction. They ought to be treated

VOL. i. K

ISO PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

like those that pretend being nervous or sickly
to create interest. But if you be connected
with people who really have a short memory, you
will do well to advise them to write down what-
ever they wish to retain, and to peruse these
memorandums frequently ; for nothing is more
disagreeable than to be connected with people
who promise to execute business of importance
for us, to rely upon their word, and to find after-
wards that they do not recollect a syllable of it.

I must observe on this occasion, that it is
wrong to be provoked or vexed if people who
are naturally inclined to be heedless and dis-
tracted, sometimes neglect to shew us the civi-
lity and attention which we have a right to ex-
pect, as this is done unintentionally, and with-
out any view to offend us.

XXIV. THERE is a description of people who
are commonly called whimsical, (difficult). They
are not always of a vicious temper, nor at all times
morose and quarrelsome, yet generally hard to
be pleased. They have accustomed themselves,
for instance, to a pedantic regularity, the rules
of which are not so familiar to their friends and
connexions as to themselves ; we may therefore
easily happen to offend them, by putting, for
example;, a chair in their apartments in a wrong

OP SOCIAL tlEfi. 131

place j or they are addicted to certain oddities,
and for instance, dress, speak, or write in a pe-
culiar manner singularities to which we must
accommodate ourselves if we wish to preserve
their good opinion. One would think that
people of sense ought to be above such trifles ;
yet we frequently meet with men who in other
respects betray no small degree of sound judg-
ment and equity, but in these or similar points
are uncommonly difficult. If the good opinion
of people of that description be of any conse-
quence to you, I advise you to accommodate
yourself to their singularities as far as is con-
sistent with honour and probity, and to please
them in matters of such a trifling nature. But
even if you should not be connected with them,
nor care for their favour, you ought nevertheless
not to ridicule nor distress them on account
of their peculiarities, if they be respectable cha-
racters; for every one of us has his failings,
which we must tolerate reciprocally with fra-
ternal indulgence.

People who think it an honour to distinguish
themselves -from others by the peculiarity of
their conduct in unimportant matters, not be-
cause they are convinced of acting with more
propriety than the rest, but chiefly because they
K 2

132 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

are determined to differ from their cotempo-
raries in their behaviour, are called singular.
They are pleased to see that their singularity is
taken notice of; and a sensible man that is con-
nected with such people ought carefully to
examine whether their singularities are of an
innocent nature, and whether they deserve to
be spared for other considerations, that he may
be able to regulate his conduct towards them
according to reason and the precepts of toler-
ance.

As for people who are ruled by humours, and
to-day will receive you with the greatest kind-
ness and good nature, and to-morrow perhaps
treat you with a chilling coldness, I advise you
to take no notice of the continual ebb and tide
of their fancies, but always treat them in the
same cautious manner; should however their
humorous conduct proceed from secret suffer-
ings they are in titled to your compassion.

XXV. STUPID people who are sensible of
their weakness, suffer themselves to be guided
by men of sense and judgment, and by a natu-
rally good, benevolent and gentle disposition are
easily prompted to do good ; but when with dif-
ficulty persuaded to turn bad, ought not to be
despised. All men cannot possess an elevated
1

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 133

mind, and the world would be badly off if all were
alike. There must be a greater number of subal-
tern geniuses than of high-spirited people in this
world, unless all are to live in a continual warfare.
It cannot indeed be denied that a certain superior
degree of virtue which requires mental strength,
energy, firmness and a clear judgment, isincon-
sistentwith weakness of understanding; but this
is not absolutely necessary. If the happiness of
mankind be but promoted, and the weaker class
suffer themselves to be made instrumental to it,
then are they more useful members of society
than all eccentric geniuses with their indefati-
gable and wild activity.

It is however extremely disagreeable and in-
supportable to be connected with a blockhead
that imagines himself a demi-god, with a vain,
obstinate and suspicious fool, a spoiled and
proud dunce that thinks himself capable to rule
countries and nations when he cannot govern
himself. As I shall havefrequent opportunities in
the course of this work to point out the parti-
cular rules which we must observe should we be
connected with such conceited fools, I shall refrain
mentioning them here to avoid useless repetition.

I must observe on this occasion, that we fre-
quently commit the greatest injustice by be-

134 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

stowing the epithets of weak, stupid, insensible
and ignorant, upon people who in fact arc quite
the reverse. Every one posseses not the gift of
displaying his ideas and sentiments to advantage.
We ought therefore to judge of people chiefly
by their actions ; but in doing this we must
never omit to reflect upon their situation, and
the opportunities which they had or had not to
distinguish themselves. We very seldom con-
sider that a man has already great merit if he
do no wrong, and that the sum of negative
good frequently contributes more to general
happiness than the long life of an active man,
whose violent passions are continually at war
with his great and noble views. Learning,
mental accomplishments and plain sense are
besides very different things. People of a cer-
tain education and politure are generally guided
by a certain tone that prevails in the society
which they frequent, and we are but too apt to
confound principles which rest upon that tone
with the invariable dictates of pure wisdom.
We are used to shape our ideas after that arbi-
trary standard, or rather to repeat words whose
ambiguous sense we scarcely should be capable
of explaining to a raw child of nature, and thus
are led to mistake for a blockhead every one

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 133

that is not initiated into the nonsensical myste-
ries of our circle, and bluntly speaks as he
thinks. A man may possess a large share of
plain sense and a high degree of erudition, and
yet act a very sorry part in one of our elegant
and fashionable circles, because he is unac-
quainted with the subjects that are the common
topicks of conversation in these assemblies, which
are but too often beneath the notice of a man who
is sensible of his intrinsic dignity, and ashamed
to speak nonsense ; or he has too much con-
scientiousness and veneration for candour, truth
and virtue to be capable of uttering unmeaning
flatteries in order to display his wit- at the ex-
pence of decency. You would therefore wrong
him very much were you to set him down for a
stupid blockhead on account of his silence, or
the timidity and awkwardness which he displays
when he cannot avoid joining in a conversation
for which he has no relish. Do not therefore
despise people of this cast, nor distress them by
ridicule ; for they are deserving of your regard ;
consider that you would be as awkwardly situ-
ated in a circle of people of their manner of
thinking as they are in your company, and
appear equally stupid and ignorant to them as
they appear to you !

13(5 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

If we be connected with good-natured but
weak people, it will be prudent in us to endea-
vour to collect a circle of virtuous friends
around them, who will not abuse their weakness
and prompt them to deeds which are unworthy
a benevolent heart.

There are people who can refuse nothing,
at least not orally ; and thence it happens
they promise more than they can perform, give
more, and take more trouble upon themselves
for others than in justice they ought to do,
merely because they 'are afraid to give pain to
any one, or to appear disinclined to serve
others. Others are so credulous as to trust
every one, sacrifice themselves for every one,
and mistake every person for a sincere friend
that has the appearance of an honest and a
benevolent man. Others are not capable of
asking anything for themselves, although they
should thus be debarred from the attainment of
advantages to which they have the justest claims.
It would be needless to exhibit how much all
these weak peopleareabused, how much the good
nature and obliging disposition of the former is
intruded upon, and how often impudence wrests
every advantage from the latter, because they
have not courage to defend the justness of

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 137

their claims. Do not abuse the weakness of
any person, nor attempt to obtain surreptitiously
advantages, presents or assistance which you
cannot demand from people of the above class
with the strictest justice and without distressing
them. Endeavour also to prevent others from
abusing them in a similar manner. Encourage
the timid ; interfere in his behalf; speak for
him when his weakness prevents him speaking
for himself, and assist him whenever he wants
your assistance.

Some people are so weak as to abandon
themselves entirely to a certain favourite pro-
pensity. People of this class speak of nothing
with so much pleasure as of their favourite ob-
ject ; all their ideas revolve constantly round
that point, and they miss no opportunity to
introduce it on every occasion; their hobby-
horse may be a noble passion or not, may con-
sist in a predilection for hunting, horses and
hounds, or for dancingand music, pain ting, prints
or any other particular. They forget in that
case that the person to whom they are speaking
perhaps knows nothing at all of their favourite
object, nor do they wish he should have much
knowledge of it, if he but patiently listen to
them, or admire their darling and seem to

138 PRACTICAL, PHILOSOPHY

be delighted with it. Who could be so cruel as
not to indulge an honest and sensible man in so
trifling a pleasure ? I advise you particularly
to notice tire innocent hobby-horses of the
Great with whom you wish to ingratiate your-
self; for a lash given to this favourite f is more
painfully felt,' as Tristram Shandy observes,
' than a blow which the rider receives.'

XXVI. IT is easy and pleasant to converse
\vith cheerful and lively people who are animated
\vith real good humour ; I say they must be
animated with real good humour ; their cheer-
fulness must flow from the heart, must not
consist in idle jesting, nor in hunting after
witticisms. A man who can laugh from the
bottom of his heart and abandon himself to the
ebullitions of jocundity, cannot be thoroughly
bad. Malice and cunning render us serious,
pensive and close ; but a man who can laugh
heartily is not dangerous. From this however
we must not infer that every person who is not
of a cheerful temper is bent on mischief.

The disposition of our mind depends upon
our temper as well as on our health, and on
internal and external relations. Genuine cheer-
fulness usually is catching, and this epidemy of
hilarity as I may call it is so highly beneficent,

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 13Q

we feel so unspeakably happy in laughing away
all the troubles of this world, that I cannot
exhort you too pressingly to cheer up your
mind, and to devote at least a few hours every
week to innocent hilarity.

It is however difficult not to fall into a satiri-
cal tone when we are in a jovial disposition and
give the reins to our wit. What can afford us
more matter for laughing than the numerous
follies of men ? And when we laugh at these
follies it is almost unavoidable not to laugh at
the fools who commit them, in which case our
merriment may produce very disagreeable and
dangerous consequences.

When our ridiculing jokes meet with ap-
plause we are commonlv tempted to give qur
wit a keener edge ; while others perhaps deprived
of such opportunity would be in want of
matter for a lively conversation, are misled by
our example to explore with additional assiduity
the defects of their neighbours, the consequences
of which are partly known but too well, and
partly have been touched upon in the preceding
chapter. I would therefore advise you to be
upon your guard in conversing with satirical
people. I do not however mean to infer that
you ought to be afraid of their cutting tongue,

I4O PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

for this would afford them just ground for
suspecting you to be pusillanimous in the
highest degree ; but wish only to exhort you
not to suffer yourself to be seduced to join in
their satirical abuse, thereby to hurt yourself and
others and to depart from the spirit of toleration.
Do not therefore applaud too much satirical
people, nor encourage their propensity to dis-
play their wit at the expence of others, and do
not laugh when they lampoon and ridicule their
neighbours !

$ XXVII. DRUNKARDS, Voluptuaries and all
votaries of vice in general you ought to shun,
and if possible to avoid their Society ; yet if you
should not always be able to do it, you cannot be
too careful to watch over your innocence lest
it should be infected by their example. This
however is not sufficient ; it is also your duty not
to indulge them in their excesses, how pleasing
soever the shape may be in which they appear,
but to shew as far as prudence permits that you
have an unconquerable aversion against them,
and to be particularly careful never to join in
smutty discourses.

We see frequently that elegant rakes are
uncommonly well received in the fashionable
circles as they are called ; and but too often

OP SOCIAL LIFE. ^ 141

experience in many societies, particularly in such
as consist entirely of males, that the conversa-
tion turns upon obscene ambiguities, which
inflame the imagination of young people and
spread farther the corruption of morals. An
honest man ought not to contribute the least
thing in the world to this general corruption of
morals ; he rather is bound to display his aver-
sion from it in the strongest manner, without
shewing any respect of persons ; and if he can-
not correct people who walk on the path of
vice by amicable admonitions, and by directing
their activity to nobler objects, at least to
convince them that he values decency and vir-
tue, and that innocence must be respected in
his presence.

^ XXVII 1. ENTHUSIASTICAL, romantic and
eccentrical people live and move in a world of
fancies, and are sworn enemies to cool reflection.
Fashionable readings, novels, plays, secret
societies, want of real and scientific knowledge
and idleness infect a great number of our
modern youth with this disease ; we however
also frequently meet with hoary enthusiasts.
They are constantly bent upon the unnatural
and supernatural ; despise the good that is
within their reach to pursue distant phantasms ;

PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

neglect what is useful and necessary to form
plans for the attainment of what is not needful ;
abandon themselves to idleness when it is their
duty to exert themselves, in order to interfere in
matters that do not concern them ; want to
reform the world and neglect their own domestic
affairs; deem important subjects trifling and
are enraptured with absurdities ; do not com-
prehend what is plain and preach up incompre-
hensible doctrines. You will in vain attempt
to convert them by arguments of sound reason ;
for they will despise you as one of the common
herd, tax you with want of feeling and indif-
ference to great and noble objects, pity you for
your wisdom, and rather connect themselves
with fools of their own way of thinking than
associate with you. If therefore you are really
desirous to convince such an enthusiast of some
truth or to gain credit with him, your discourses
must be warm and animated, and you must
speak in behalf of sound reason with as much
fervour as he displays in defending his follies.

It is however very difficult to reform such
people, and it will frequently be best to leave it
to time to cure them of their folly. Yet enthu-
siasm is frequently catching. If therefore you
have a lively imagination, and are not quite

OP SOCIAL LIFE, 143

certain of being able to keep it under the con-
troul of your understanding, I advise you to
be upon your guard in conversing with enthu-
siasts of any kind. In our century, in which
the rage for secret associations has acquired an
almost general ascendancy over mankind, means
have even been found to bring all sorts of re-
ligious, theosophic, chemical and political en-
thusiasm into regular systems. I forbear to
decide which of these sorts of enthusiasm is
the most pernicious ; yet I think that which
presumes to reform the world is pregnant with
inconceivable mischief; I have so much the
more reason to believe it firmly, as this sort of
systematic enthusiasm can produce the greatest
confusion in the State, and generally has the most
imposing appearance ; whereas the rest soon be-
come tiresome and are capable of charming only
perverted and inferior geniusses for a length of
time. I would therefore advise you to regard
in your conversation with the apostles of such
systems, the words happiness of the world
liberty equality rights of men euk'tvatien
general mental illumination reform spirit of
cosmopolitism and the like, merely as allure-
ments, or at most as well-meant empty words
with which these peoples amuse themselves like

144 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

school-boys with the oratorical figures and
tropes which they must apply in their meagre
exercises.

I advise you in general to let eccentrical
people pursue their course at pleasure, while
they are not yet perfectly qualified for the mad-
house; for the world is large enough to contain
a great number of fools.

$ XXIX. I now beg leave to say a few words
concerning devotees, pwitam and hypocrites.

People whose sentiments correspond with
their external zeal for religion, whose warmth
for piety and divine worship, and whose attach-
ment to the rites of that church whose tenets
they profess, flow from the heart, have the
strongest claim to our regard. Although their
conduct should be guided rather by pious sen-
timents than by the light of reason ; although
their religious feelings should proceed from a
heated imagination, and their attachment to
certain ceremonies, rites and systems be car-
ried to a higher pitch than is consistent with
sound reason, yet they deserve toleration,
forbearance and fraternal love, provided they
be honest men and practical Christians. But
an hypocritical villain that wears the mask of
sanctity, meekness and religion, and is a volup-

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 145

tuouS seducer of innocence, a malicious calum-
niator, or a fanatical persecutor, deserves to be
branded with ignominy. It is however not diffi-
cult to distinguish these two sorts of people.
A man who is really pious is open, candid,
peaceable and cheerful, not ov$r civil nor too
humble, but benevolent, simple and easy in
conversation ; he is indulgent, gentle, meek
and just to every one ; talks not much of
religious subjects, except in the circle of his
intimate friends ; the hypocrite, on the con-
trary, is accustomed to wheedle, to sneak and
to flatter, is always upon his guard, a slave of
the great and wealthy, an adherer of the
prevailing party, a friend of the happy, but
never a disinterested defender of the deserted.
He talks constantly of honesty and religion,
gives generally large alms, and performs the
duties of Christian charity in an ostentatious
manner ; excuses the faults of others in such a
manner as makes them appear to be ten times
more glaring than they really are. Be careful
to form no connexion whatever with people of
this description ! Shun them as much as possi-
ble ! Do not offend nor hurt them if your
peace and happiness be dear to you !

People who believe without any sufficient
VOL. i. l>

146 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

ground in certain doctrines and obligations, or in
supernatural causes, agencies and apparitions,
who for instance believe that GOD is an irascible
and revengeful Being, that those who are here-
tics in their opinion ought to be deprived of all
civil privileges, that the sign of the cross has a
peculiar and supernatural effect, that ghosts and
superiour beings can appear to men, &c. &c. &c.
and who regard these objects of their faith as
highly sacred and inviolable are called sztpersfi-
tious. It is a certain criterion of superstition to
believe too much, i. e. more than sound reason
warrants. People who are given to superstition
do not therefore listen to the voice of reason, but
are deaf to sober arguments and believe the most
contradictory tenets. They never give up an
opinion which they have once adopted, how ab-
surd and incomprehensible soever it may be,
and the firmness of their faith is founded merely
on habit. They have heard for instance a cer-
tain tenet asserted in their ;ytouth, it was recom-
mended to them as a religious truth, and they
have believed in it for many years; or something
was inculcated into their mind as an invariable
duty and obligation ; or they were taught to be-
lieve that certain invisible powers produce cer-
tain effects: and now they continue to adhere

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 147

to that opinion, because they have accustomed
themselves so much to believe it that the con-
trary of it appears to them a daring violation of
truth, which they are bound to abhor or to hate :
and as reason opposes to their belief incontro-
vertible doubts, their commodiousness leads
them to think that the voice of reason ought
not to be listened to in matters of faith.

Superstition undoubtedly is a source of nume-
rous evils and productive of great misery; and
it is extremely painful and distressing for every
individual to be connected with its votaries: for
the superstitious abhors every one that is of a
different opinion. He applies to those that dif-
fer from him in their belief certain names which
encrease this aversion, because he connects with
them the idea of people that are hateful to the
Godhead. He therefore reposes no confidence
in them, and cannot persuade himself to love
them. He thinks it frequently a sin to have any
connexion with them, and if he had it in his
power he is also but too often inclined to per-
secute them. He is averse from every thing
tending to disturb his faith. He regards every
person who opposes his notions by arguments of
sound reason as his enemy. He is therefore an
enemy to all mental illumination though he

L2

148 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

deny to hate it ; and opposes all persons and
means that promote it. He is for this reason
very seldom a firm friend, a good citizen and
subject. We must at least constantly appre-
hend that he will spare neither his sovereign nor
his father, nor his fellow-citizen, if any of' his
tenets should excite him to persecute a person
who differs from him in faith.

My readers will easily comprehend that it is
difficult to converse with such people, and still
more difficult to preserve our peace and happi-
ness in their society, without violating the love
which we owe to all men, how corrupt and
erring soever they be. If you wish to be capa-
ble of exercising the duties of this general love
to the superstitious, you need but to comprehend
that his errors deserve rather to awaken your
pity than sensations of hatred and aversion, on
account of their origin : For if you carefully
inquire how they crept into his soul, you will
find that generally it is no fault of his to be in-
fected with them. Infantine and juvenile in-
struction, the example of parents, the zeal of
teachers and governors, habit, want of a suf-
ficient knowledge of the means of mental illu-
mination, &c. &c. &c. are frequently the sole
and inevitable causes of superstition. Reflect

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 1 !()

only upon your own experience and you will
be sensible of the truth of this assertion. Do
you not find that children are very willing to
believe whatever their parents or instructors tell
them of subjects of which they can have no sen-
sible perception ? If they for instance tell them
from their infantine years, that all the objects
which they see as well as themselves were crea-
ted by a good GOD ; that he is omnipresent,
preserves, blesses and loves all animated beings,
though he cannot be seen, &c. &c. &c. ; if all
those that are about them say and believe the
same and repeat it frequently with serious looks,
and if they at the same time tell them with
marks of horror, that there are people who do
not believe in a Supreme Being; do you think
that it will be possible these children should not

4t *

believe firmly in the existence of GOD ? andabhor
all those as wicked people or fools who are of a
contrary opinion ? If errors be inculcated into
their ductile mind in the same manner they will
impress themselves as deeply upon their soul as
truth, and gradually become the most invincible
prejudice. What merit is it therefore in an
adult person to have a firm conviction of truth ?
and how can it be imputed to another as a fault,
with the least colour of justice, if he be preju-

150 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

diced for errors which have been instilled into
his mind in his youth by those that had the di-
rection of his education? You will perhaps object
that such a person ought to examine his erro-
neous notions when he has attained to years of
discretion. But how can a person do. this
without being actuated by some motive or
other? And what motive can a person have to
suspect the truth of a doctrine of which he is as
firmly convinced as he is of the reality of his ex-
istence ? Is it not natural that a person who is to
examine a doctrine which he believes, should first
think it possible that it may be erroneous ? But
if he think it impossible he cannot be reason-
ably expected to examine it. From this it ap-
pears that the superstition of many people is
very excusable, and that those who are infected
with it have a just claim to our forbearance.
It would therefore be as unjust and inhumane to
hate a man for his superstition as it would be to
hate an other because he is infected with some
constitutional disease. The superstitious is
therefore justly intitled to compassion, and we
ought to tolerate him with fraternal love.

It is your duty to spare his weak side, and to
avoid as much as possible introducing discourses
which may give him pain. If you be desirous

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 151

to correct the errors of one of your superstitious
brethren you ought to do it with modesty. If
you wish to succeed you must not declare di-
rectly his opinion to be erroneous. The surest
way of convincing him will be to start amicable
objections to his ideas, and to lead him to think
that you wish to be better informed by him.
Request him to refute your doubts, and he will
afford you a natural opportunity to point out the
weakness of his arguments; but should he ne-
vertheless remain stubborn and perhaps grow in-
solent, your own sense of equity will tell you
that it is not becoming a wise man to abuse a
person, because he is incapable to comprehend
truth. Endeavour to gain his confidence by
doing justice to the zeal with which he defends
his opinion, and by convincing him that you do
ifot differ from him with regard to the essential
points of religion, and that those tenets in which
you do not agree with him are not materially
connected v/ith virtue and piety. When you
have gained his confidence you must not attack*
his superstition directly but indirectly; for if you \
tell him plainly that the tenets for which he eri-
tertains the highest regard be false, he will be
terrified and abhor you as a dangerous man. All
religious superstition is founded in part on tho

152 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

idea, that the tenets which its vgtaries have
adopted are indispensably necessary for obtaining
the favour of the Supreme Being and eternal
happiness, and partly on contempt of reason.
Endeavour therefore to convince the supersti-
tious that Reason is the principal gift of GOD,
and that we must account to the Supreme Being
for our neglecting the use of it; that without
the assistance of its light we should be incapa-
ble of understanding even revelation, and that
mankind owes to its heavenlyinfluence the great-
est blessings. You then may proceed farther,
and prove to him that his tenets are not indis^
pensably necessary for obtaining the favour of
GOD and eternal happiness; that GOD will nei-
ther reward nor punish men for their faith, but
only for their works, &c. &c. &c. This will
mitigate the anxious obstinacy with which he
defends his superstitious opinions; and when he
begins to comprehend that people who differ
from him in faith may also be good men, and
to value reason properly, you may safely
venture to communicate your arguments mo-
destly to him. But I must caution you to do
it always when he is cool and when you are
without witnesses, and you will certainly be
capable of removing Jiis errors, or at least render
3

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 153

-them less burdensome and distressing to your-
self.

XXXI. DEISTS, Freethinkers and Sctjfen
of religion of the common class are generally
not more tolerant than their antipodes, the de-
votees. A man who is so unfortunate as not to
be capable of convincing himself of the truth,
the sanctity and necessity of the Christian Reli-
gion deserves ^>//x, because he is destitute of a
very essential happiness, and of a powerful com-
fort in life and death. He deserves more than
pity; he has a just claim to our regard and love
if he perform as well as he can his duties as a
man and a citizen, and disturb no one in his
belief; but if a person be a scoffer of religion
rather from depravity of heart than from per-
verseness of understanding, or only pretends to
hold religion in contempt, hunts after proselytes,
and attacks publicly with hacknied witticisms
that doctrine upon which millions found their
only hope, their temporal and eternal happiness;
if he persecute, despise, censure and brand with
the name of a hypocrite every one that differs
from him in opinion, such a depraved fool de-
serves to be treated with contempt.

XXXII. OF the manner in which melan-
choly people, lunatics and madmen should be

154 PKACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

treated I can say but very little, as I do not
possess sufficient medical knowledge to be able
to point out the best method. This subject
properly belongs to the department of the philo-
sophical physician, and besides would take up
too much room in this little work. I shall
therefore give only a few hints concerning this
point.

It appears to me to be a matter of the last
importance with regard to people that are afflic-
ted with mental distempers, to find out the pri-
mary source of their disease, and to ascertain
whether it has been occasioned by a disorder in
particular organs of the body, or by a peculiar
disposition of the mind, violent passions or mis-
fortunes. For that purpose you must observe
what objects particularly occupy their imagina-
tion while they are raving or disordered, as well
as after the paroxysm has subsided ; and likewise
on what their fancy chiefly broods: it then will
appear that it frequently is possible to cure these
unfortunate people gradually, if their mind can
but be recalled from a single fixed idea, or if this
can only be modified properly. It is further
highly important to observe what particular
change of weather, of the seasons and of the
moon has the greatest influence upon their dis-

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 155

order, which will enable you to avail yourself of
those moments which are most favourable for
attempting a cure. I have also observed that
confinement and every sort of harsh treatment
generally serves only to make the evil worse.
On this occasion I cannot help expressing my
admiration of the madhouse at Frankfort on
the Mein, which I have had many opportunities
of observing. The disordered persons who are
received in that institution, arc suffered to walk
about in the house and the garden whenever it
can be done with safety, at least in those seasons
in which their disease is less violent.

Their keepers treat them with so much mild-
ness that many of them after a few years quit
the house again entirely cured, and a greater
number remain at most only melancholy, so as to
be capable of performing manual work; whereas
these people in many other hospitals, perhaps
would have been rendered mad in the highest
degree by close confinement and hard treatment.

People of weak understandings may also be
disordered in their intellects, if a violent passion
by which they are ruled, be nourished, excited
and irritated. I remember to have seen two
such miserable beings : one of them possessed
in his youth an excellent understanding, great

156 PRACTICAL 'PHILOSOPHY

ability and wit, traces of which were still visible
when he enjoyed calmer moments. He was to
have studied the law but had learnt nothing, and
abandoned himself to a profligate life. On re-
turning to his native town he was treated as
an ignorant idler, and was conscious of his de-
serving it. Yet he possessed an uncommon
pride and was not quite poor. Forsaken by his
family and shunned by his equals, he began to
form connexions with the court officers of the
Prince of ***. His jocose sallies at length in-
troduced him to the noticeof thePrince himself.
He soon became very familiar with the latter,
and the whole court flattered his vanity. This
familiarity terminated however in his being
abused and treated as a privileged merry-maker.
Yet this was still a sort of existence which pleased
him, While he was not abused too much and at
liberty to converse familiarly with people of
rank, and to tell them sometimes severe truths.
But as the latter were not inclined to condescend
too much to him for nothing, and likewise not
always disposed to listen patiently to his witti-
cisms, which frequently were rather coarse, he
experienced sometimes very humiliating treat^
ment and even corporeal chastisement, yet could
not relinquish his disgraceful career, because his

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 15/

relations and acquaintances held him in extreme
contempt, and his little fortune was totally
spent. Thus he sunk deeper and deeper every
day, and at last grew entirely dependent on the
court. The Prince caused a parti-coloured
jacket to be made for him, and there was not
even a scullion in the palace that did not think
himself in titled to pass a joke upon him, or to
pull him by the nose for a pint of wine. Despair
now urged him to get drunk every day, and if ever
he happened to be sober, the idea of his dreadful
situation, the consciousness of the mean partwhich
he acted, the aversion from inventing new jokes
to preserve his place, and his awakening pride
tormented his mind, while he ruined his con-
stitution by excesses. His intellects became
actually disordered, and at one time he was
so mad as to render it necessary to chain him.
At the time I saw him he was an old man, re-
duced to a most lamentable situation. He was
treated as a frantic person, and regarded rather
as an object of aversion than of pity. He en-
joyed however, at times, some lucid intervals, in
which he betrayed an uncommon degree of
penetration, wit and genius ; and when he
wanted to obtain a charitable gift he could
Hatter in the most artful and insinuating man

153 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

ner, and displayed so much dexterity in taking
advantage of the weakness of others, so much
practical knowledge of the human heart, that I
knew not whether I ought to sigh more at
those that had reduced him to this terrible state
or at his own deviations.

The other person of whom I am about to
speak was once steward in a nobleman's family,
but on my first seeing him he lived upon a pen-
sion. As he was of no further use to his mas-
ter, he as well as his family and domestics
amused themselves with his pride and amorous
disposition. They called him Your Highness,
gave him an order, forged letters of Princes and
Kings, in which he was informed that he was
of an illustrious family, and had been kidnapped
in his infancy ; that the Turkish Emperor who
had usurped his dominions, wanted to have him
assassinated, and that a Grecian Princess was in
love with him. Some friends of the family dis-
guised themselves as Ambassadors, and pre-
tended to have been sent to enter into nego-
ciations with him. In short, after a few years
the intellects of the poor fellow were entirely
disordered, and he believed all this nonsense
seriously.

I forbear to make any comments on these
1

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 15Q

two lamentable facts, as the reader will easily
be able to judge in what light they ought to be
viewed.

CHAPTER IV.

On the Conversation with People of a different
Age.

SECTION I.

A HE conversation with people who are of the
same age with us seems indeed to have many
advantages and charms. A congenial manner
of thinking, and a reciprocal exchange of
such ideas as interest the attention of both
parties in an equal degree, unite men more
strongly to each other : certain inclinations and
desires are peculiar to every different age ; the
disposition changes in the course of time ; we
do riot keep pace with the change of taste and
fashion ; the heart grows colder and takes less
interest in new objects ; our imagination and
vivacity cools ; many happy delusions have dis-
appeared ; numberless objects that were dear to
us have passed away and are no more ; the

l6O FKA^TICAL PHILOSOPHY

partners in our juvenile pleasures are gone to
their eternal home, and the youth around us
attend only out of civility to our accounts of the
pleasures of our happier days. Congenial expe-
rience affords more matter for conversation than
events which are entirely foreign to those with
whom we converse. All this cannot be dis-
puted; yet disparity of temper, of education,
fate and occupation frequently expand or con-
tract these boundaries. Many people remain
in some degree for ever children, while others
grow old men before their time. The rake
who has ruined his body and soul and satiated
himself by all sorts of sensual gratification,
naturally finds very little pleasure in the society
of young and innocent country people, who
have not yet lost their sense for artless joys ;
and an old country gentleman who has never
travelled farther from his home than thirty or
forty miles, is as little comfortable and happy
in a circle of experienced and polished in habi-
tants of the capital as an aged Capuchin would
be in a society of hoary literati. On the other
hand it cannot be denied that many fashionable
passions, as for instance, those for hunting,
gambling, drinking and backbiting frequently
unite old men and youths, aged women and

OP SOCIAL LIFE. l6l

young girls in the most cordial manner. This
exception from the above observation, that the
conversation between people who are of the
same age has many advantages and charms, can-
not depreciate the value of the rules which we
are about to give with regard to the conversation
between people of a different age ; we only
beg leave to make one remark more : An over-
scrupulous separation of people of different
years, which is established in most great families
of this country, where young people are rarely
admitted to companies which are composed of
persons of a maturer age before they have com-
pleted a certain number of years, is extremely
hurtful. The tone which young people adopt
if constantly left to themselves, is generally not
the best ; their manners are not improved, and
a certain awkward timidity and bashfulness takes
possession of their mind, which frequently
renders them extremely ridiculous when they
are first introduced into mixed societies; besides,
old people are confirmed in their egotisms,
grow intolerant and morose to their children, if
they constantly be in company only with such
persons as make a common cause with them, as
soon as they begin to extol former times at the
VOL. i. M

102 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

expence of the present age, the tone of which
they do not know.

$ II. OLD people very rarely are just enough
to put themselves in the place of younger per-
sons, but leave them undisturbed in the enjoy-
ment of their innocent sports, without a wish
to promote them by joining in these youthful
pleasures. They reflect not on their own
juvenile years, and thus it happens that old
people generally desire young men should be
as sedate, sober and reflecting as themselves,
and shew the same coolness, moderation and
prudence which experience and the change
which nature has produced in their temper,
teaches them to display. Juvenile sports appear
unimportant to them, and the gambols of youth
are considered by them as thoughtless wanton-
ness. It is however extremely difficult for old
people to recal to their recollection the situation
and state of mind in which they were twenty
or thirty years before, and this causes them to be
often highly unjust in their judgment, and to
commit many errors in the education of their
children. Oh ! let us remain young as long as
possible, and when the winter of life bleaches
our hair, when the blood creeps slower through
our veins and our heart grows cooler, look down

OP SOCIAL LIFE. l63

with sympathetic pleasure upon our younger
brethren who are gathering vernal roses, while
we are seated by the paternal fire-side, to rest
from the toils of life and to warm our chilling
blood ! Let us not preach down by severe and
frigid reasoning the sweet pleasures of youthful
fancy ! When we look back upon those happy
days in which a single smile from the enchant-
ing virgin who now is a withering matron enrap-
tured us with heavenly bliss ; in which music
and dancing thrilled every nerve of our frame
with pleasure ; in which merriment and the
sallies of wit dispelled every gloomy thought,
and sweet dreams of future felicity, pleasing
bodings and rosy hopes cheered our existence.
Oh ! then let us prolong that happy period to
our children, and participate as much as possible
in their juvenile raptures. Infants and children,
youths and blooming virgins will then croud
around the cheerful old man who encourages
their innocent mirth. When a young man I
was connected with such amiable old ladies,
whose society, had it been in my option, I
would have preferred on the journey through
life to that of many a handsome and blooming
girl ; and when I chanced to be seated at a
convivial feast by the side of a dull beauty, I

M2

164 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

I frequently envied the man who was placed
near a cheerful old woman.

III, Bv recommending such a good-natured
condescension to the disposition of youth, I
however do not mean to infer, that an old man
can be excused if he forget his dignity so far
as to act the contemptible part of a gay fop or a
professed merrymaker; or that it is becoming a
woman who has nearly compleated half a cen-
tury to dress like a young girl, to practise the
despicable arts of coquetry, or to rival the
younger part of her sex in their amorous con-
quests. Such a breach of decorum produces
contempt, and justly deserves it. People of a
certain age ought never to give an opportunity
to youth of ridiculing them, or to neglect paying
them that regard to which they are intitled by
their riper years.

IV. IT is however not sufficient that the
society of old people be not burdensome and
offensive to youth ; it ought also to be useful
to them. A greater share of experience obliges
the former to instruct and to guide the latter,
and to lead them in the path of virtue and hap-
piness by their advice and example. This how-
tiver must be done without pedantry, pride
and presumption ; without a ridiculous predi-

OF SOCIAL LIFE. l65

lection for every thing that is old ; without
demanding a sacrifice of all juvenile pleasures ;
without intrusion or creating tediousness. I
rather would advise old people to let their
society be courted, which undoubtedly will be
the case ; because well-disposed youths are wont
to think it an honour to be permitted to converse
with cheerful and sensible old men, and the
society of such as shew that they have seen and
experienced a great deal has always sufficient
charms.

$ V. THUS much on the conduct of, old
people towards the young. I now shall add a
few words on the conversation of youth with
men and old people.

Many sensations which nature has impressed
on the soul are reasoned away in our enlight-
ened age, which is so carefully cleared of all the
rubbish of antiquated prejudices. One of these
prejudices is the sense of regard for hoary age.
Our youth ripen sooner, grow sooner wise and
learned than those of former times did. They
repair by diligent reading, particularly of maga*-
zincs, pamphlets and novels their want of ex-
perience and study. This renders them so
intelligent as to be able to decide upon subjects
which our forefathers thought could only be

1(56 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

clearly comprehended after a close and studious
application of many years. Thence arises that
noble self-sufficiency and confidence which
inferior geniuses mistake for impudence and
arrogance, that consciousness of internal worth
with which the beardless boys of our age look
down upon old men, and decry every thing
that happens to come in their way. The ut-
most that a man of riper years may expect now-
a-days from his children and grand children is,
kind indulgence, chastising censure, being
tutored by them and pitied, because he is so
unfortunate as not to have been born in our
happy age, in which wisdom rains from Heaven,
unsown and uncultivated, like the manna in
the desert.

VI. THERE are many things in this world
which can be learnt only by experience ; there
are sciences which absolutely require close and
long study, reiterated reflection and meditation,
coolness of temper and mature judgment ; and
therefore I think the most brilliant and
acute genius in most cases ought to pay some
attention and deference to an old man, whose
inferiority of faculties is compensated by age
and experience. It must be acknowledged in
general, that the store of experience which a

OP SOCIAL LIFE. .

UU.IM1 JAJJT> J .iT

man gathers in a long course of years enables
him to fix. his ideas, to awaken from ideal
dreams, to avoid being led astray by a lively
imagination, the warmth of blood and the
irritability of nerves, and to behold the objects
with which he is surrounded in their proper
point of view. It is besides so noble and
amiable to render the latter days of the pilgri-
mage of life, in which cares and sorrows gene-
.rally encrease and enjoyment takes its flight, as
easy as possible to those that soon are to bid an
eternal farewel to the treasures and gratifications
of this world, that I feel myself impelled to
exclaim with additional energy to youth of
every description- " Rise up before the hoary
head, and honour the face of the old. Court
the society of old and experienced people ! Do
not despise the counsel of cool reason, nor the
advice of experience. Treat the hoary as you
wish to be treated when your hair shall be
bleached by old age. Respect them and do
not desert them, when wild and thoughdess
youths shun their company."

As for the rest, it cannot be denied that there
are many old fools, as there are also wise young
men who have earned already when others
scarcely have begun to sow.

168 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

$ VII. THE conversation with children is
highly interesting to a sensible man. He be-
holds in them the book of nature in an uncor-
rupted edition. Children appear as they really
are, and as they are not misled by systems,
passions or learning, judge of many things
better than grown persons ; they receive many
impressions much sooner, and are not guided by
so many prejudices as the latter. In short, if
you wish to study men you must not neglect to
mix with the society of children. However,
the conversation with them requires considera-
tions which are not necessary in the society of
people of maturer years.

It is -a sacred duty to give them no offence
whatever, to abstain in their company from all
wanton discourses and actions, and to display
in their presence benevolence, faith, sincerity,
decency and every other virtue ; in short, to
contribute as much as possible to their improve-
ment ; for their ductile and uncorrupted mind
is as ready to receive good impressions as it is
open to the seeds of vice, and I may safely
maintain that the degeneracy of mankind is
greatly owing to the imprudence and inconside-
ration with which people of a maturer age
deport themselves in the presence of children.

OF SOCIAL LIFE. l6()

Let therefore all your discourses and actions
be graced with truth when you are in their so-
ciety. Condescend in a becoming manner to
that tone which is intelligible to them, carefully
avoid tcazing and vexing them, as is the custom
of many people ; for this has the most lament-
able effect upon their character.

Good-natured children are attracted by a se-
cret and peculiar sense to benevolent and ami-
able people, though they should not take much
notice of them ; whereas they shun others that
are of a less commendable disposition, notwith-
standing their endeavours to ingratiate them-
selves with them. Purity and innocence of
heart is the talisman by which they are charmed.

It is very natural that parents should be fond
of their children, it is therefore prudent to pay
some attention to the latter if we wish to gain
the favour of the former. By this however I do
not mean to infer that it is right to flatter the
spoiled children of the Great, thus to nourish
the vanity, pride, and peevishness of these
generally already but too corrupted beings, to
contribute to their moral degeneracy and to
transgress the principal law of nature, which or-
dains that the child shall pay homage to the man
of maturer years.

170 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

Above all things I would advise you not to
interfere if parents in your preseece reprimand
their children, by taking the part of the latter,
for this will make them believe that their parents
are in the wrong, diminish their filial love, con-
firm them in their disobedience, and intrude
upon the plan of education laid down by the
former.

tut is &

l - : - v - : ' ;!: .-y.-.:

CHAPTER V.

- . . i )i : i ". ! _ .1 J V >'

On the Conversation between Parents, Children
.: TV-V! and Relations.

SECTION I.

1 HE first and most natural bond that unites
men with men, after the connexion subsisting
between husband and wife, is the tie which
connects parents to their children. Although
propagating thespeices be not intended to serve
for the benefit of the future generation, yet
there are but very few that are not perfectly
pleased with the reality of their existence ;
and notwithstanding parents who live in chris-

1

OP SOCIAL LIFE.

tian states do not educate, nourish and bring up
their children merely from a voluntary choice,
yet it would be highly absurd to deny that the
numerous troubles and cares which this pro-
duces impose the most sacred obligations upon
the latter ; or to maintain that no impulse of
benevolence, sympathy and affection attaches
those to us whose flesh and blood we arc, who
have nursed and cherished us, cared for us and
shared all their comforts with us.

Immediately after the union between parents
and children, follows the connexion subsisting
between the different branches of one family.
The members of the same family being united
and rendered harmonious by a similarity of or-
ganisation, and education, as well as by a com-
mon interest, feel for each other what they do
not for strangers ; and they estrange themselves
from the rest of human society in the same pro-
portion in which the circle of their family
encreases.

Patriotism is a more compound sensation, but
still more cordial and warm than cosmopolitism
in a man who has been early ejected from
civil society, and wandering as an adventurer
from country to country, has no property and
no relish of social duties. A person who does

172 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

not love the mother from whose breast he has
drawn nourishment, whose heart is not wanned
at the sight of the place in which he has chear-
fully spent the innocent and happy days of his
youth, cannot possibly take a lively interest in
the welfare of the whole, because property, mo-
rality, and every thing that can be dear to man
in this world rests, in fact, upon the preservation
of the bonds that unite us to our country and
family.

These bonds growing looser every day,
prove that we decline more and more from the
excellent order of nature and its laws ; and if
a turbulent genius whom his country expels,
because he refuses to submit to its laws, in his
indignation at the restraint which morality and
the police impose upon him, maintain that it js
becoming a philosopher to dissolve all close r
connexions, and to acknowledge no other bonds
than those of general philanthropy, this proves
only that in our times even the most singular
and extravagant principle must serve as a main
pillar of some philosophical system. Happy
eighteenth century, in which such great dis-
coveries are made, as for instance : that we may
learn to read without being acquainted with
letters and syllables, and that we may love the

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 173

whole human race without loving individuals !
Century of universal medicines, of philalethes,
philanthropists and cosmopolites, whither wilt
thou lead us at last ? General illumination will
spread over all ranks ; the husbandman will let
his plough stand idle, and read to Princes
lectures on liberty and equality, and on their
obligation to share the drudgeries of life with
him t every one will attempt to reason down all
prejudices that stand in his way ; laws and civil
regulations will be superseded by license ; the
powerful and the better-instructed will reclaim
his right of superiority, and follow his impulse
to care for the best of the whole world at the
expence of his weaker brethren ; property, con-
stitutions and political restrictions will cease to
be respected, every one will be his own ruler,
and invent a system of his own to gratify his
desires. Oh ! happy, golden age ! We then
shall be but one family, shall press the noble and
amiable cannibal to our heart, and, if that ge-
neral benevolence should spread farther, walk
through life hand in hand with the witty and
sensible'Ourang-Outang. Then all fetters will
be broken and all prejudices dispelled. We
then shall not be bound to pay the debts of our
fathers, nor to be satisfied with one wife, and

PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

the lock of our neighbour's strong box will
prevent us no longer from making good our
innate right to the gold which all-bountiful na-
ture produces for general use.

We happily are not yet arrived thus far ; and
as there still exists a great number who as well
as myself love their relations, have a relish for
domestic happiness, and cherish family-bonds,
it will not be superfluous to subjoin a few re-
marks on the conversation with near relations.
There are parents who, living in a continual
round of amusements, scarcely see their children
once in a day, gratify their propensity for plea-
sure while hirelings are intrusted with the edu-
cation of their sons and daughters, and when
they are grown up, live with them on such a
cool and civil footing as though they were not
at all connected with them. It is unnecessary
to prove that this conduct is highly unnatural
and unwarrantable. There are also other parents
who demand of their children such a slavish
submission and so many considerations and sa-
crifices, that the restraint and shyness which
their tyranny-creates destroy all confidence and
tender intercourse in such a degree, as to render
the hours which children must spend in the
company of their parents*; extremely heavy and

OP SOCIAL LIPR. 175

dreadful to them. Others likewise intirely for-
get that boys attain the age of manhood, and
treat their adult sons and daughters as if they
still were babes, not indulging them with even the
least liberty of choice, and will leave nothing at
all to their own judgment. This is extremely
wrong and imprudent. Respect does not con-
sist in rigorous awe, but can exist extremely
well with a confidential and familiar intercourse.
We do not love a person to whom we scarce-
ly dare to look up, nor do we communicate
ourselves to those that always are preaching up
severe laws, because restraint and coercion de-
stroy all open and voluntary communication.
What can be more charming than to behold a
tender father in the circle of his adult children,
who pant after his wise and chearful conversation,
conceal none of their inmost wishes from him,
who is their counsellor, their most indulgent
friend and shares in their innocent juvenile
sports ; or at least does not interrupt them, and
lives with them as his best and natural friends !
An* union for which all the feelings that can
be dear to man incessantly plead, -namely, the
voice of nature, of sympathy, and of gratitude ;
similarity of taste and of interest, and the habU
of mutual intercourse* This familiarity is,

PflACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

however, often carried too far. I know parents
who render themselves despicable by participa-
ting in the excess of their children, or by neg-
lecting to Conceal their own vices, and thereby
provoke the ridicule and contempt of those to
whom they ought to set a good example.

$ III* It is not uncommon in our days to see
children neglect their parents or even treat
them ill. The principal ties of human society
grow laxer every day ; young men think that
their fathers are not wise, entertaining and en-
lightened enough, and girls yawn in the com-
pany of their hoary mother, not reflecting how
many tedious hours their parent spent at their
cradle in attending and nursing them when
they were stretched on the sick-bed, or in per-
forming the most disagreeable and offensive
labours, to render them comfortable and to ease
their pains, and that she denied herself many
pleasures to take care of the little helpless, unclean
being, who without her tender attendance per-
haps would have perished. Children forget but
too often how many chearful hours they have
iinbittered to their parents by their stunning
clamour, how many sleepless nights they have
caused to their careful father who exerted him-
self to the utmost of his abilities to provide for
3

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 177

his family, and was obliged to deny himself
many comforts for their benefit. Well-disposed
minds however will never be so totally devoid of
all sense of gratitude as to be in want of my
advice, and for mean and unfeeling souls I do
not write. It is only necessary to observe, that
if children really fhould have reason to be
ashamed of the weakness or the vices of their
parents, they will do much better to conceal
their defects as much as possible than to neg-
lect paying them that external regard which
they owe them in many respects. The blessings
of Heaven and the approbation of all good men
are the certain rewards of the attention which
sons and daughters pay to the comfort and hap-
piness of their parents. It is a great misfortune
to a child to be tempted by the discord in which
his parents live, or by other causes, to take the
part of one against the other. Prudent parents
however will carefully avoid involving their
children in such altercations ; and on such oc-
casions good children will behave with that cir-
cumspection and tenderness which probity and
prudence require.

IV. We often hear people complain that
more assistance, kindness and protection may be
expected from strangers than from the nearest

VOL. i. N

178 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

relations ; but I think this complaint to be ge-
nerally unjust and unfounded. There are cer-
tainly uncharitable people to be found amongst
our relations as well as amongst those that are
not connected with us by the ties of blood. It
cannot be denied that relations frequently pay
regard to their kindred only if they are rich or
honoured by the multitude, but are ashamed of
their obscure, poor or persecuted relatives ; Ithink
however that many demand of their uncles,
aunts and cousins more than they ought to do.
Our political situation, the rapid encrease of
luxury, and the enormous load of taxes with
which we are burthened, render it highly ne-
cessary for every prudent man to confine his
principal care to the maintenance of his wife
and children, and the cousins, nephews and
nieces who frequently rely entirely on the assis-
tance of their powerful and wealthy relations,
neglect to render themselves capable of pro-
viding for themselves, and squander away their
time and money, have but too often such
heavy and unreasonable demands upon their
kindred, as render it impossible for a man who
is not callous to the voice of his duty and con-
science, to realize their expectations without
being unjust to others. In order to avoid these

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 179

disagreable collisions, I advise you not to slight
that cordial and confidential intercourse which
renders our connexion with relations so highly
agreeable, but at the same time to entertain and
excite as little expectation as possible of obtain-
ing assistance and protection from relatives ;
to assist your kindred as much as you can with-
out being unjust to better people ; but to avoid
carefully pushing the fortune of your ignorant
and undeserving relations, and procuring places
for them to the injury of worthy and meritorious
strangers, as this will render you extremely
odious and create you more enemies than
friends.

Relations, as well as married people and friends,
as we shall state more at large in a future page,
ought to observe that persons who know each
other more intimately, and see one another fre-
quently without disguise, must be particularly
circumspect in their conduct to avoid growing
tired of each other, and overlook ing great merits
on account of trifling defects.

It is finally to be wished, that the members of
large families in the middle station would not
continually associate only with their relations ;
for this divides human society into too many
separate parties ; those that are not connected

N 2

180 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

with them by the ties of blood are kept at a dis-
tance, and if a stranger happen to drop into
their circle he finds himself very awkwardly
situated.

V. Old uncles and aunts, particularly such
as are married, are very apt to scold, to vent
their gouty and hysteric humours at their ne-
phews and nieces, and to treat them as if they
were still in leading strings, which is highly un-
just and imprudent. Such conduct has rendered
them proverbial, and a trifling legacy is too
dearly bought if we must patiently listen to
continual somniferous and useless lectures ;
whereas these good old folks would be greatly
loved and tenderly treated by their young re-
lations, if they were prudent enough to be less
morose in their conduct.

VI. We frequently find in cities, and particu-
larly in large manufacturing towns, an extremely
stiff and insupportable tone amongst persons
who belong to one family. Civil, oaconomical
and other considerations render it necessary for
them to see each other often, notwithstanding
which they constantly quarrel, teaze, vex arid
hate one another, and thus imbitter their life.
If you cannot sympathise with your relations,
you ought at least to treat them civilly, and to

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 181

abstain from making their life miserable by con-
tinual altercation, which only tends to render
them more spiteful, instead of reconciling their
animosity and rancour ; whereas you may be
certain of rendering your intercourse with them
less burthcnsome and painful by forbearance and
kindness: for nothing is more apt to blunt the
edge of enmity and discord than returning good
for evil, and preserving an unshaken equanimity
of temper.

CHAPTER IV.
On Conjugal Conversation.

SECTION I.

WISE and good choice in concluding the
most important bond of human life, is undoubt-
edly the safest means by which married people
can render their connexion happy and cheerful.
If, however, people who do not contribute mu-
tually to sweeten the life of each other, and to
render its burthens less onerous, but on the con-
trary arc swayed by opposite inclinations and

182 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

wishes, and guided by different reasons, unfor-
tunately have contracted an indissoluble union,
this really is a truly miserable situation, and an
existence replete with continual sacrifices, a
state of dire necessity from which death only can
release the hapless sufferer.

This bond is no less unfortunate if dissatisfac-
tion and aversion be only on one side, if the ma-
trimonial tie has not been connected by volun-
tary choice, but on account of political or ceco-
nomical considerations, or occasioned by coer-
cion, despair, distress, gratitude, by accident or
a transient whim, or mere sensual desire in
which the heart was not interested; if one party
always expect to receive and never will give,
demanding continually to have all wants and
wishes gratified, claim constantly advice, assist-
ance, attention, diversion, pleasure and comfort,
and will do nothing in return. Be therefore
careful how you choose a partner for life, if you
do not wish to leave your whole future domestic
happiness to the faithless and deceiving favour
of chance.

^ II. IF we, however, consider that even
those marriages which depend on voluntary
choice, generally are concluded in an age and
under circumstances in which man is determi-

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 183

ned rather by blind passion and natural instinct
than by mature consideration and reason, al-
though he dream and talk in that state of delu
sion of a great deal of sympathy and fondness
we should rather be astonished that there arc
still so many happy couples in the world. Kind
Providence has, however, regulated every thing
so wisely, that our happiness frequently is pro-
moted by what seems to be most contrary to it.
The mischief arising from our incapacity to
choose properly in our juvenile years is happily
counterpoised by our being more pliable, duc-
tile and accommodating in that age than in the
years of maturity. The rough edges are smoothed
easier when the mass is yet soft and pliable than
when it is hardened. We are less difficult in
our younger years than when experience has
rendered us nicer and more cautious, and exci-
ted great expectations in our soul ; when our
cooler reason anatomizes every thing more care-
fully, and every interruption of our enjoyment is
accounted a great loss, because the reflection on
the space we have run through reminds us for-
cibly of the short period we may expect to live,
and actuates us to husband our time and plea-
sure more carefully. If differences arise between
a young couple, they arc also soon reconciled

T84. PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

again : aversion and hatred do not root so deeply,
and while the senses maintain their right in full
force, the most violent matrimonial dissensions
are frequently terminated by a single conjugal
embrace. To this we must add that habit, com-
mon interest, domestic occupations, which leave
us little time to abandon ourselves to idle fan-
tasies, the pleasure which our children afford us,
the mutual care of their education, and the joint
concern for their future happiness contribute in
those years, in which youth, vigour and acti-
vity animate us to ease the burden of the matri-
monial yoke, and to afford us numerous and
various pleasures which receive an additional
relish from the share the faithful partner of our
life takes in them. But we are of a different
disposition when we have attained the age of
maibrity. We then demand more, are eager
to earn and to enjoy, and disinclined to take
new burthens on our shoulders ; the character
has more firmness, we are unwilling to be new
moulded, and our desires are less clamorous for
gratification. There are but few exceptions
from this rule, and these are to be found only
among the better class of men, who, as they
advance in years, grow more indulgent and
gentle, and being firmly convinced of the ge-

OP SOCIAL LIFE.

ncral frailty of human nature, demand little and
arc willing to give; but this is a kind of heroism,
a noble self-denial, and we are speaking here of
the reciprocal promotion of mutual happiness.
I would therefore advise you to be particularly
careful in the choice of a conjugal partner at
that period of life, if such counsel be not su-
perfluous; for people of a maturer age are
generally more circumspect in this matter, and
those who being men act like heedless youths,
deserve to feel the consequences of their folly.

I do not believe that a perfect harmony of
temper, disposition and thinking, of capacities
and taste is necessarily required to constitute
matrimonial happiness; the contrary may some-
times afford more felicity, if the disparity be not
too great and extend not to essential principles.
A bond that is founded on mutual interest, and
in which all the troubles one party suffers equally
affect the other, renders it frequently necessary
that the too great vivacity, the rash impetuosity
of the husband should be temi>crcd by gentle-
ness, and sometimes even by a little phlegmaon
the part of the wife, and vice versa, to prevent
many heedless steps and their dangerous conse-
quences. Many families would also be reduced
to total ruin if man and wife were animated with

186 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

an equal propensity for splendour, luxury and
extravagnce; or for immoderate benevolence
and sociability : and as our young novel readers
commonly shape the ideal picture of their future
partners after their own dear self, the interfe-
rence of an old morose father or guardian is

sometimes very beneficial to them. Thus

much on the choice of a partner, which is almost
more than I ought to have said here.

IV. Married people who must see each other
every day, and therefore have opportunities
enow to get acquainted with each other's faults
and humours, and suffer many inconveniences
even from the most trifling of them, cannot be
too circumspect in their conduct ; and it is
highly important for them to find out means of
preventing their society from being troublesome
and tedious to one another, and to guard against
mutual indifference, coldness and aversion. Dis-
simulation is one of the worst expedients that
can be adopted for that purpose ; but nothing
is more efficacious than a certain regard for our
own person, and an unrcmitted care to avoid
every thing that can produce bad impressions. I
would therefore advise married people carefully
to cultivate mutual civility, which is the true
spirit and characteristic of conjugal familiarity,
andatall times distinguishes a man ofgoodbrecd-

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 187

ing. It is one of the principal requisites of ma-
trimonial happiness to avoid growing tiresome in
conversation, and endeavouring to enliven mu-
tual intercourse as much as possible by a prudent
change of subjects; as nothing tends more to
render the society of those with whom we must
live fastidious than harping constantly on the
same string, and repeating the same discourse
on every occasion. I know a married man who
has related the small store of anecdotes and nu-
merous stories which he possesses so often to his
wife, and in her presence to strangers, that the
vexation and irritability which they produce
in her mind arc but too apparently depicted in
her countenance whenever he entertains his
guests with those hacknicd sallies. A person who
reads good books, frequents polished societies and
reflects upon what he reads, sees and hears, will
find every day additional matter for interesting
conversation ; but this will certainly not be suffi-
cient if he idle away the whole day by the side
of his wife, and dedicate no time to useful occu-
pation ; he then will be obliged to begui'e the
tedious hours by playing at cards, or in any
other equally insipid manner, if he can meet with
no other company ; or have recourse to what is
still more to be deprecated, the temptation of

188 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

'

quarrelling with his consort by way of amuse-
ment. It is therefore very salutary if the hus-
band have some regular employment, which fixes
him at least for some hours every day to his
writing desk, or calls him abroad ; or if a short
absence should occasionally intervene, which
rarely fails giving new relish to the society of
his wife; during which period he is wishfully
expected by his faithful partner, who carefully
directed his domestic affairs whilst the tcnderest
anxiety has been expressed for his safety and
presence : on his return she receives him joy-
fully; when the evenings glide imperceptibly
away amid chearful discourses and consultations
relating to the welfare of his family, and in con-
sequence the matrimonial happiness of both is
not poisoned by satiety. I would therefore
advise those that wish to excite a new relish to
their conjugal bliss, to separate themselves now
and then for a short period from the object of
their love, by going a journey, and thus give a
new zest to connubial enjoyments. It is also
requisite that those who desire to preserve each
other's regard, should avoid every thing which
can render their person disagreeable in the eyes
of the object of their tenderest affection, and
particularly uncleanlincss of dress and impn>

OF SOCIAL LIFfi. 1 8<)

priety of conduct. Those that live in the coun-
try in particular, cannot be too careful to avoid
all rustic airs, expressions and manners, as well
as every neglect of their person : for how is it
possible a wife, who discovers more defects and
improprieties in her husband, with whom she
constantly converses, than in other people should
be partial to his society, and regard and love
him more than others that display greater polite-
ness and decorum ? And how can the conjugal
state afford her real happiness, if her feelings be
constantly wounded, and her life prove an unin-
terrupted train of sacrifices and sufferings ?

V. IP you so punctually and c^fully fulfil
your duties, and act after such a regular and
firm plan as to surpass if possible all your ac-
quaintances, you may justly expect to be sin-
cerely beloved by your wife, and finally prefer-
red to all those that produce momentaneous
impressions on her heart by single eminent qua-
lities and accomplishments. But you must be
careful to fulfil all these duties. A man who
gets privately drunk once or twice every week,
will derive but little benefit from his being capa-
ble to boast of his disinterestedness, diligence,
ceconomy and the respect paid him by good
j and the wife who neglects the education .

PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

of her children, will derive very little advanta^
from her chastity, which perhaps is principally
owing to want of temptation or a cold disposi-
tion. If you claim regard and love as a duty,
you must be careful to deserve it ; and if you
expect your wife should honour and love you
more than any other man, you must not rest
this expectation merely upon the promise which
she has given you at the altar, but found it
chieflv upon your unremitted endeavours to be
better and more amiable in every respect than
others. Vices and virtues can be classed only
with regard to their consequences ; for they all
are in factQ^ually important, and a careless hus-
band is as criminal as an unfaithful wife. Yet
this is not the general way of thinking. We
rail frequently against vices to which we are not
inclined, and do not consider, that being inat-
tentive to important virtues is as criminal as the
commission of a bad action. An old woman
persecutes with furious rage a poor young girl
who has been betrayed by the warmth of her
temper and the power of artful seduction into
a false step, but does not think to deserve being
censured for suffering her children to grow up
like irrational brutes, because she has never
committed an actual breach of her matrimonial

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 1 (J I

'rows. A careful attention to all our conjugal
duties, is therefore the safest and the only way
to insure the attachment and love of our matri-
monial partners.

$ VI. NOTWITHSTANDING this, amiable stran-
gers may sometimes happen to make more fa-
vourable though transient impressions upon our
consorts than are consistent with our peace. It
is not to be expected that after the first blind
love is evaporated, married people should con-
tinue to entertain such a partiality for each
other as not to be sensible sometimes of the ac-
complishments of others. To this we must add,
that people with whom we occasionally con-
verse display only their bright side and are more
apt to flatter us than those with whom we live.
Impressions of this nature will however be soon
obliterated, if the husband continue to fulfil his
duties faithfully, and betray no symptoms of
mean envy and foolish jealousy which never are
of the least benefit, but always tend to produce
bad consequences. Love and regard cannot be
enforced nor obtained by harsh treatment; a
heart that must be guarded is like the Mammon
of the miser, rather an useless burthen than a
real treasure which contributes to render us hap-
py : opposition serves only to irritate; no watch-

1Q2 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

fulness is so great as not to be liable to imposi^*
tion; and it is natural for man to wish with
additional ardour for a supposed good as soon
as the attainment of it v is seen to be attended
with difficulties, which otherwise perhaps would
have had no charm for him.

I would also .advise you to scorn all those lit-
tle artifices which may be excusable in lovers,
but ought never to be practised by married
people; as for instance, to excite jealousy in
order to animate the passion of the beloved
object with additional warmth. An union
which must be founded on mutual regard is
utterly incompatible with crooked means. If
my wife unfortunately believe me to be capable
of sacrificing my duty and conjugal affection to
foreign inclinations, such practices will serve
only to lessen her regard for me ; and if she
perceive that I only trifle with her, these artifi-
ces will be worse than fruitless, and may pro-
duce the most lamentable consequences.

I repeat it again : although the man should
give his wife or the wife her husband some cause
for uneasiness, yet this little deviation of the
heart will not be of long duration, if the injured
party continue faithfully to perform all matri-
monial duties. The misguided wife, for in-
3

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 1 C)3

%tance, will sooner or later say to herself in a
moment of cool and dispassionate reflection :
" Although that man possess many amiable qua-
lities and accomplishments, yet he is not con-
nected with me by such tender ties as those that
unite me with my husband who shares all my
cares, is the fat her and supporter of my children,
and participates of all my joys and sorrows ; nor
will he ever, love me more tenderly than my
faithful consort, who has already given me so
many undoubted proofs of his forbearance and
affection.'* And such a triumph of returning
love which must take place, sooner or later, obli-
terates all former sufferings.

VII. PRUDENCE and probity however re-
quire that we should arm ourselves against the
impressions which the superior accomplishments
of others can make on our heart. I would ad-
vise every one, therefore, to be particularly care-
ful to avoid such dangerous opportunities in the
earlier part of life, when the imagination and
the passions are but too apt to take fire, and
the heart so strongly inclined to rebel against
the controul of sober reason. A young iiia.ii
who perceives that a woman with whom he
frequently converses is likely to become dearer
to him than his wife, and thereby kindle a wild

VOL. i. O

PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

fire in his bosom, or at least imbittcr his domes-
tic happiness, will do well to drop all intercourse
with her, lest her illicit society should become
necessary to him. This rule of prudence ought
to be particularly attended to in our conversa-
tion with the finer coquets who. without medi-
tating any breach of honour, delight in sporting
with the peace of an honest and feeling man,
and are proud to cause sleepless nights, to pro-
voke tears, and to excite the jealousy of other
women. There are but too. many vain females
of this class, who are actuated not by a bad heart
or a vitiated temper, but by an unbridled desire
to shine and to be generally admired, and thus
to disturb the domestic peace of many a married
couple. People of a maturer age whose heart
has attained more firmness, may safely adopt a
different mode of conduct. A man of firm prin-
ciples, who accounts to his understanding for the
feelings of his heart, and aims at the possession
of real happiness, will soon recover from the
too favourable ideas which he may have formed
of another person to the disadvantage of his wife,
by seeing the former so frequently as to be able
to observe that she has more defects than his
faithful, loving and sensible wife. If he at the
same time reflect upon the tender interest which

OF SOCIAL LIEE. 105

his consort takes in all his pleasures and sorrows,
at the anxiety which she is wont to display for
his happiness and comfort, and calls to his aid
the reflection on the pledges of their mutual ju-
venile love, his heart will undoubtedly be eager
voluntarily to return to the sweetest duties.

VIII. NOTHING is more absurd, nor can
any thing render domestic life more burthen-
some and miserable than the foolish idea that
married people, because they are wedded to
each other, have a right to monopolize all the
feelings of their partner, and to demand that no
other good and amiable person shall be dear to
the heart of their consort, that the husband
must be dead to the worth of every other female,
and that it is a breach of conjugal fidelity if the
wife speak with warmth and admiration of an-
other man, and delight in conversing with him.
Such demands are doubly ridiculous and unjust,
if one party be already obliged to sacrifice much
to the other on account of the difference of dis-
position, or for other reasons. If in such a case
the husband, for instance, endeavour to exhila-
rate himself in the company of amiable people,
to forget his sufferings for a few moments, to
raise and to warm his spirits, the wife rather
ought to thank him for it, than to distress him
o 2,

PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

by foolish reproaches, to provoke his indigna-
tion, and to drive him to despair and the com-
mission of actual injuries.

IX. THE choice of such friends as well as
of pleasures and amusements must however be
left to the heart and the taste of every individual.
'We have observed already, that a perfect simi-
larity of temper, disposition and taste is not ab-
solutely required for conjugal happiness. It
Would therefore be an insupportable slavery for
either party to be obliged to conform in all
these points entirely with the disposition of the
other. It is already hard enough for feeling
people to be deprived of the pleasure of sharing
with the partner of their life the noble and heart-
elevating sentiments and impressions which arc
produced in their mind by good books, the fine
arts and the like, because her soul is not suscep-
tible of them ; but to be obliged to deny our-
selves every gratification of that nature, or to
regulate the choice of our friends and conversa-
tion according to the unfeeling whims of a per-
verted head and a frigid heart, and to deprive
ourselves of all the comforts that are congenial
to our disposition and way of thinking this is
the highest degree of mental misery and worse
than the torments of hell : and I need not to

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 1Q7

add that the husband, who is designed by nature
and the civil constitution to be the head and
director of his family, and frequently is actuated
by the most important reasons to cultivate this
or that connexion, to choose this or that occu-
pation, or to take steps which may appear sin-
gular to those that are unacquainted with his
private motives, can be expected least to suffer
himself to be controlled in such a manner. On
the contrary, it contributes very much to render
Social Life comfortable, if people who are united
for ever by the most sacred ties, and bound to
share reciprocally their joys and sorrows, endea-
vour to accustom themselves gradually to think
and to feel congenially, and to render their taste
harmonious ; and it is a proof of an almost
brutish stupidity, of a despicable indolence, and
frequently of the most vitiated will, if we, after
having been united many years with a reason-
able, polished, and loving being, still are as
ignorant, raw, calloun and obstinate as we were
before. Jn that case tranquillity of mind, peace
and happiness can abide no longer with us after
the first rapture of love is evaporated, and the
suffering party begins to be sensible of the con-
sort's defects, and of the happiness which pro-
bably would have resulted from a connexion

198 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

with another person ; whereas tenderness and
real regard will easily produce that harmony of
soul in reasonable and sensible people, if not
obstinacy or a revolting difference of thinking
render the disparity irreconcilable.

X. BUT how are we to guard against an
actual breach of conjugal fidelity ? How are we
to arm ourselves when violence of temper, want
of self-dominion, seduction, the arts of co-
quetry, beauty and opportunities on the one
hand, tempt us to break the matrimonial vow ;
and on the other we are repelled by the mo-
roseness, bad temper, stupidity, sickliness, de-
formity or the advanced age of our consort ?
This book is not designed to be a system of
morals ; I must therefore leave it to every sen-
sible reader to solve this delicate query as well
as he can, and to consider by what means he
can acquire a proper dominion over his pas-
sions, and avoid dangerous opportunities and
temptations, which indeed is not so easily effected
in certain situations and relations as many people
may think, particularly if we be young. I shall
however say as much on this head as propriety
and the plan of this work will permit.

If you be desirous to avoid the commission of
an actual breach of fidelity, I would advise you

OP SOCIAL LIFE.

not to accustom yourself and your wife to ex-
cess in the enjoyment of your matrimonial
rights, to voluptuousness, effeminacy and in-
temperance, and thus to prevent the corporeal
wants and desires growing too violent. It is
further highly necessary for married people to
be chaste; delicate and modest in the dispensa-
tion of their matrimonial favours, to avoid dis-
gust, satiety and faunish lust. A kiss is a
kiss ; and it will generally be the wife's fault if
a sensible husband be eager to obtain that kiss
(which he can receive without trouble and in an
honourable way from the pure and glowing lips
of his helpmate) from a stranger, contrary to
his duty and the laws of decency, and vice
versa. Should you perceive that your consort
is charmed by the power of novelty, you
may turn that weakness to your advantage
by being more parsimonious in the dispen-
sation of your matrimonial favours, and give
a new zest to conjugal desires by occasional
continence and other impediments thrown into
the way of your partner's sensual gratifications.

XI. IT undoubtedly is a most painful step to
dissolve an union with a person who has been
dear to us, and was once the idol of our wishes.
A man of sense, who knows from experience

20O PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

the lamentable consequences which generally
attend divorces, w$l therefore first try all other
means before he resolves to separate himself
from the faithless partner of his bed, and rather
take all possible pains to reform and recal her
to her duty than have recourse to that distres-
sing expedient.

There are two means of effecting that lau-
dable purpose, which is highly becoming a man
who possesses a feeling heart and a generous
disposition of mind.

Gentle and prudent treatment is the first
means which I would advise an husband to ap-
ply if he find that his wife be inclined to deviate
from the path of her matrimonial duty. Harsh
and g-illifig reproaches, and all manner of vio-
lence will only serve to widen the breach ;
whereas mild and kind treatment will frequently
be sufficient to recal a frail wife from the road
to her own and her husband's ruin. But if you
wish to succeed, your endeavours to treat her
with gentleness must be entirely unaffected,
and nbt_ tinctured with the least symptom of
stifled indignation or secret anger ; for it will
be entirely out of your power to reclaim her to
her duty if she perceive that your conduct be
the effect of art. Prudence requires farther,

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 2O1

that you should display sorrow and grief when-
ever you surprise her in the act of deviating
from her matrimonial obligations, and to avoid
carefully betraying the least sign of fretfulncss
or hatred, as such conduct would only serve to
confirm her in the pursuit of her lawless career,
and to alienate her heart more from yon, be*
cause some people find a pleasure in provoking
the passions of others, whereas no one that has
the least spark of sensibility left can delight in
giving pain. If you continue to proceed in this
gentle and prudent manner for some time, you
will have the satisfaction to convince her of
the goodness of your heart, to insure her re-
gard, to make her regret the pain and grief
which she causes )^ou by her weakness, and
then only can you safely try the second means,
and remonstrate with her on the impropriety of
her conduct. But if you really be desirous this
step should be crowned with success you must
never lose sight of the following rules :,

First of all you must, as we have already ob-
served, impress her with a favourable iJca of
ynurse]f\ for if your erring wife has no regard
for you, and suspects your heart or principles,
remonstrances will only render bad worse. But
if you have gained her good opinion, if she

2O2 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

esteem the goodness of your heart, and be af-
fected by your generous conduct, you may
safely venture to speak a word of admonition to
her, and to remind her of the impropriety and
injustice of her behaviour. This must how-
ever be done mildly and in a convincing manner.
You must remonstrate with her in a kind and
affectionate strain, call her deviation by a gentle
name, appeal to the many proofs of your sincere
affection for her which she has received, point
out indubitable instances of her transgression
of her duty, as well as the lamentable conse-
quences that may result from a continuation of
it, and paint with lively colours the sufferings
which you have patiently borne. It is how-
ever absolutely necessary you should not do this
in the presence of witnesses, but in private, to
spare her the pain of seeing her weakness ex-
posed ; because every mortal is desirous to con-
ceal his faults from the world, and our heart re-
volts and feels indignant sensations if others be
informed, in our presence, of our weakness and
defects. Rage and bitterness are in that case
the usual consequences of such an imprudent
indelicacy. I would further beg you to observe,
that you must select for such remonstrances

j

moments in which she is in a good humour.

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 203

Every mortal has his serene and gloomy hours,
and the introduction of painful subjects at a
time when the mind is pressed down by dis-
agreeable ideas and sensations generally produce
unpleasant consequences. If you be so fortu-
nate to catch a propitious moment for remon-
strating with your misguided consort, you must
not neglect to do justice to the merits and ami-
able qualities which she still possesses. Whoever
knows the nature of the human heart will be
sensible, that it is of the last importance to pay
attention to this rule. Man wishes to be good,
and his mind revolts at the idea of thinking
himself guilty. We are terrified at the charge
of having rendered a fellow-creature miserable,
feel ourselves degraded, and think that our whole
character is ruined. Can you blame your wife
if her heart revolt in such a trying moment ;
and will it not be necessary to remove or to
prevent such an unfounded error ? This you
will do most successfully if you preface your
remonstrance by speaking of your wife's good
qualities, of her talents, the laudable features of
her character, of the goodness of her heart and
other accomplishments that claim your regard ;
in short, by doing justice to the merits which
she possesses, and by representing her deviation

204 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

from her conjugal obligations as the only stain
that disgraces her. This will soothe her mind,
check her anger, and render her capable of
listening patiently to your admonitions, and
willing to follow your advice. The peace of
your mind will certainly gain by such an at-
tempt to recal your erring consort to her duty,
though you should not succeed as well as you
may wish ; for at least you will render her more
cautious in her conduct, and have the satis-
faction of having done on your part every thing
that love and prudence can require.

$ XII. The charge of an actual commission
of adultery is highly awful and pregnant with
the most serious consequences ; it is therefore
the sacred duty of every husband who thinks
himself injured to inquire carefully and mi-
nutely, Whether it be founded merely on sus-
picion or on indubitable facts, before he takes
any step to vindicate his marital rights. I
would therefore advise every one that thinks he
has reason to suspect his wife of disloyal prac-
tices, to take care not to give way to unfounded
presumption, and not to infer from the seeming
partiality of his consort for another man, of
from her predilection for the society of an ac-
complished stranger, that she is unfaithful to

OF SOCIAL. LIFE. 205

him. Much less ought he to rely upon the
insinuations and dubious hints of pretended
friends, or on the tales of antiquated gossips.
Even our own experience ought to be suspi-
cious to us in such a momentous case, if our
observations have not been made with the
greatest circumspection and coolness ; for how
often do we find that we heard and saw wrong,
and repent too late of our hasty judgment !
Even if your wife should grow rather cool in
her conversation with you, you would do wrong
in taxing her immediately with an improper
attachment for another ; as this may frequently
be the effect of private sorrows or secret vexa-
tion, and sometimes of your own conduct.

Should you, however, think you have suf-
ficient cause for suspicion, it will be prudent in
you to institute the most impartial investigation,
and to inquire only for such proofs as admit of
no other interpretation. Justice and love ought
to be your only guides in that painful tusk;
and these require you should interpret all ap-
pearances which excite your suspicion in the
most favourable manner, and with as much cha-
rity as possible. While there is the least pos-
sibility to deduce unfavourable appearances from
any other cause than infidelity, your own peace

206 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

of mind requires you should not be too hasty
in your judgment, but do as you would wish to
be done by were you in the predicament of
your suspected wife.

It is further a rule of prudence and justice,
not to betray your suspicion to your faithless
consort while you cannot yet substantiate it by
the most incontrovertible proofs ; for it is the
most unpardonable cruelty to afflict an innocent
heart by such a dreadful suspicion ; and, be-
sides, if you give vent to your suppositions, you
will run the risk of inraging and exasperating
your wife to such a degree as may actuate her
to punish you by the commission of a crime
which she otherwise, perhaps, would have ab-
horred. Such a cruel injury may also destroy
the peace of an innocent heart for ever.

XIII. BUT how are you to act if you should
be so unfortunate as to have incontrovertible proofs
of your consort's guilt ? In that case, your own
dignity, prudence, and charity demand of you
not to torment her by contempt, reproaches,
scorn, or similar humiliating treatment. For
what would it avail you ? It would serve no
other purpose than to plunge her deeper into
guilt, and put it entirely out of your power to

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 2O7

recal her to virtue, and lo save yourself from
disgrace and sorrow.

Therefore avoid also divulging her crime,
complaining of it toothers, and so exposing her
to public shame; because this would be the
surest way of driving her to despair, of con-
firming her in the prosecution of her criminal
course, and of poisoning the mind of your
children.

Be generous and humane to your fallen con-
sort ; do not suffer your children or servants to
neglect paying her the respect which they owe
her ; and avoid as much as possible doing any
thing that could give her pain, particularly in
the presence of strangers.

Neglect no opportunity to regain her love by
kindness, by defending her person against those
that speak ill of her, by paying a just tribute to
her good qualities in her absence, by displaying
a serene and chcarful countenance in her pre-
sence, and speaking to her in a mild and con-
ciliating tone ; by convincing her that you take
a lively interest in her concerns and sympathize
with her sorrows, by affording her every plea-
sure and comfort that lies in your power, by
consulting her on all affairs that concern her ;

208 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

as well as endeavouring to please her by addi-
tional neatness in your dress and the like.

Examine your own conduct impartially ; en-
deavour to discover what may have caused the
alienation of her love, and hasten by every kind-
ness to re-acquire it ; for it is almost impossible
a wife should be unfaithful to her husband if
he have not impaired her love by some impro-
priety in his conduct.

If you follow these rules you may attempt
the reformation of your erring consort-with the
most sanguine hopes of success, as your kind-
ness and generous conduct will not fail to gain
you her confidence and regard ; and without
these all attempts to recal her to her duty will
be fruitless. Should you be so fortunate as to
succeed in your endeavour to restore her to
virtue, your mutual love will undoubtedly be
stronger than ever, and the increase of your
happiness will sufficiently atone for all former
sufferings. It is but natural that this should be
the consequence. Repentance of her past mis-
conduct, mutual joy at her reformation, the
recollection of the dangers and sorrows which
are past, and the additional relish which the
conjugal embraces must derive from the long

OP SOCIAL LIFE.

interval during which both parties were deprived
of them, cannot but be a sufficient compensa-
tion for the troubles and the self-denial with
which the recovery of such an unfortunate be-
ing is attended a compensation far more valu-
able and honourable than any sum which the
laws can adjudge to the injured partner of a
seduced female the inefficacy of such legal
punishment being sufficiently proved by the
numerous trials for adultery which occupy our
courts of justice.

XIV. But what is ,to be done if all these
attempts to recal a faithless wife to her duty be
made in vain ? In this case only two expedients
remain, viz. either to separate yourself from
your guilty consort , or, if circumstances render
it necessary to endure her, leaving her reforma-
tion to time.

The former step ought to be taken by a
prudent man only in case his wife's guilt be
attended with public disgrace, or with the pro-
bable ruin of his fortune ; or if the mind of his
children be in danger of being irretrievably in-
fected by her bad example.

I would however advise you, for the pre-
servation of your honour and the peace of your
mind, as well as for your safety and the sake of

VOL. r. P

210 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

your children, to avoid all violent reproaches,
ill-treatment and every thing that betrays ha-
tred and revenge ; for this will at all times do
more harm than good. It will also be prudent,
for the same reasons, not to offend nor to pro-
voke the relations of the guilty consort, or any
one of those that are connected with her, because
you would thus needlessly increase the number
of your enemies, blow up the flame of ven-
geance, hurt your peace of mind and your con-
stitution by the numberless vexations to which
you would expose yourself.

I would also advise you not to deny your
faithless consort, neither before nor after the
legal separation, that civility and respect which
good breeding and decency demand, but treat
her with the same politeness which you are
used to shew a stranger ; never to speak ill of
her, but render the state of separation as easy
to her as possible, and to settle the matter so as
not to injure the welfare of your children by
giving vent to passionate heat.

As, however, circumstances and considera-
tions may take place that will render it prudent
to avoid a total separation from the guilty wife,
and rather to continue Jiving with her than
taking the benefit of the law notwithstanding

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 211

the most glaring proofs of her criminality, I
beg leave to say a few words on that head.

This case can take place only if the separa-
tion threaten to be attended with the most ruinous
consequences ; if for instance the children would
be deprived by a divorce of the whole of the
fortune which they have to expect, or if the
family and the connexions of the guilty wife
should be so powerful as to be able to ruin you
entirely. These and other considerations ought
to be carefully pondered before you take a de-
cisive step ; and if you find that a total separa-
tion from your faithless partner will evidently be
attended with more lamentable consequences
than you have to expect if you continue to live
with her, prudence and self-preservation demand
of you to prefer the latter.

In that case you will act wisely in concealing
the disgrace of the faithless wife as much as
possible from the public, but particularly from
your servants and children. I would also advise
you to avail yourself of every propitious oppor-
tunity that may offer itself to remonstrate with
your unfortunate consort against her lamentable
infatuation, to represent to her in mild accents,
but with lively colours, the dangerous conse-
quences of her conduct, the iufamy to which
p 2

PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

she devotes herself, and to conjure her not to
disgrace herself publicly, at least, for her own
sake ; to palliate her conduct, if it be censured
in companies in your presence, to meet her
sometimes abroad, and to treat her on such oc-
casions with so much kindness and good nature
as to lead others to think that you live with
her on the most amicable footing. This is no
deception ; that being a term which conveys
the supposition of an untruth by means of which
we injure others.

It will generally produce the most salutary
consequences if the injured party treat the
offender, at home and abroad, with a certain
degree of regard and kindness, sparing her all
unnecessary pain, and proving to her by words
and deeds that he does not deserve the injuries
which he suffers from her misconduct. Such
a wise and noble manner of proceeding will un-
doubtedly produce some good effect, particu-
larly if the injured husband watch with addi-
tional circumspection over his own conduct,
becoming more than ever a rigorous observer of
the laws of propriety and virtue, and setting his
children an example worthy of their imitation.

I have been thus particular with regard to
this momentous point, as the crime of adultery

OF SOCIAL LIFE.

Seems to have become the most fashionable of
all vices ; the principal cause of which seems to
me to originate in its not being attended in
this country with public disgrace, but subject
only to a penalty proportionate to the circum-
stances of the seducer. Libertines and rakes
are too willing to part with their money for the
sake of sensual gratification to be materially
affected by the risk which they run in seducing
the wife of an honest man ; whereas solitary
confinement, transportation, or some public
mark of disgrace would more effectually serve
to check them in their libidinous pursuits than
the heaviest fines. We find that in countries
where the vile seducers of married women are
publicly branded with shame, or punished with
imprisonment, the crime of adultery appears to
be less frequent than in this country.

$ XV. AN unlimited confidence ought to
subsist amongst married people. But are there
no instances at all in which one party may keep
something secret from the other ? Undoubtedly
there are. As the husband is designed by na-
ture to be the counsellor of his wife and the
head of his family ; as the consequences of every
unguarded step taken by his consort devolve
upon him, and as the laws make him responsible

214 PKACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

for her conduct ; as the wife, in fact, is no mem-
ber of the civil body, and the violation of her
duties falls heavy upon the husband, disgraces
and injures the family more immediately than
the misconduct of her consort; as she depends
more on the public opinion than him, and
finally, as secresy is rather a manly than a female
virtue, it may morfe rarely be proper in the
wife to be close and reserved than in her hus-
band, and concealment and secresy towards the
head of the family may produce the worst of
consequences. The latter, on the contrary, who
is more immediately connected with the state is
frequently intrusted with secrets which he has
no right to divulge, and the communication of
which may embroil him with others, and who
Is to direct the whole house, and frequently
cannot submit the plan upon which he acts to
the weaker judgment of his wife, but must fol-
low the dictates of his heart and reason with
unshaken firmness, and pay no regard to the
Opinion of the multitude, cannot possibly be
always as communicative and unreserved as his
consort might wish. Difference of situation
however may alter this point of view. There are
men who would be reduced to the most lament-
able state were they to take a single step without.

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 215

the privacy and advice of their wives; and there
are very talkative men and close women. Be-
sides, a wife may be intrusted with female secrets
by a friend. In these and similar cases, pru-
dence and probity must regulate the conduct of
both parties. It is however an incontestible
truth, that all conjugal happiness is at an end if
real mistrust take place and candour must be
enforced. Nothing can be more contemptible
and mean in a husband, than being so vulgar as
to peep secretly into the private letters of his
wife, or to open them clandestinely, to search
her drawers and to rummage her papers. Such
miserable and ungentlemanlike practices will be
of very little or no advantage to him ; for
nothing is easier than to elude the watchfulness
of a man with regard to injuries that must be
proved, if once the bonds of mutual attachment
be destroyed, and the perplexities of delicacy
and regard conquered. Nothing is less difficult
for a wife than to deceive a husband whom she
perfectly knows, if she once have lost all credit
with him, and beside can convict him of having
frequently given way to false suspicions, because
his passion makes him blind, and his mistrust and
jealousy provoke imposition. Deception is ge-
nerally the consequence of such an imprudent

2l6 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

and unjust conduct, which may occasion the
ruin of the moral character of the best of
women, and provoke her to commit crimes
which otherwise perhaps she never would have
meditated.

XVI. IT is not advisable, for reasons which
must be obvious to every intelligent man, that
married people should transact all their business
in common ; on the contrary, it is necessary that
each party should have its proper department of
activity. It is generally attended with very un-
pleasant consequences if the wife, for instance,
compose the official reports of the husband, and
the latter, when company is expected, must su-
perintend the kitchen and assist in the nursery.
This causes the greatest confusion, excites the
ridicule of the domestics, and, as one relies upon
the other, nothing is done properly.

XVII. As for the management of pecu-
niary concerns I cannot approve the method
which is almost generally adopted in allowing
ladies a certain sum of money for housekeeping,
with which they are obliged to contrive to de-
fray all expences. This creates a divided in-
terest ; the wife is reduced to the class of ser-
vants and tempted to grow selfish, endeavours to
save, is induced to think her husband too dainty,

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 21 7

and vexed if he invite a friend to dinner ; the
husband on the other hand, if he be not actuated
by delicate aad generous sentiments, is apt to
think that he lives not well enough for his money,
or if he wish for an extraordinary dish dares
not to ask for it through fear of distressing his
wife. I would therefore advise you to give your
wife (if not a cook, a housekeeper, or any other
domestic manage those concerns which properly
belong to the department of the mistress of the
house) a sum that is adequate to your circum-
stances for defraying the expcnces of your table,
and when that is expended not to look cross if
she ask for more. Should you, however, find
that she expends too much, prudence and ceco-
nomy bid you to examine her accounts, and to
consult with her in what manner your expcnces
can be rendered more adequate to your income.
Do not conceal your circumstances from her;
and allow her a small sum for innocent pleasures,
dress and charitable purposes, of which you
ought to demand no account from her.

XVIH. CEcoxoMY is one of the first requi-
sites of conjugal happiness. Therefore should
you have acquired a habit of dissipation in your
unmarried state, prudence requires, above all
things, you should disengage yourself from it

218 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

as soon as you are united to a deserving consort,
and use yourself to domestic oeconomy. A
single man may easily endure distress, want,
humiliation and neglect ; for if he have a pair
of sound arms he may find bread any where ; he
can easily resolve to quit all his connexions, and
support his life in a remote corner of the globe
by the labour of his hands : but if a husband
and father have reduced himself to want and
poverty by bad oeconomy, and angry looks meet
those of his family who demand from him sup-
port, attendance, education and pleasure ; if
then he do not know where to get bread for to-
morrow ; or if his civic honour, his promotion
and the establishment of his children require he
should live in a decent stile, or display some de-
gree of splendour in his dress, and he has ren-
dered himself incapable to do it ; if his creditors
haunt all his steps, and attornies, jews, and
usurers distress him day after day then the un-
fortunate man becomes a prey to ill-humour, to
bodily and mental diseases ; despair seizes him
and grief preys on his vitals ; he endeavours to
blunt the keen edge of self-created misery by
abandoning himself to an incessant round of
diversions and excesses ; his conscience tortures
tris mind with pungent reproaches ; the bitter

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 21 Q

complaints of his wife follow him every where,
and the groans and lamentations of his hapless
children haunt him even in his sleep ; dreadful
dreams torment him in the arms of his unhappy
consort ; the contempt with which his purse-
proud acquaintances look down upon him dis-
pels ev r ery rising ray of hope, and gloomy
clouds of despondency darken his brow ; his
friends forsake him, the ridicule of his enemies
tortures his soul, and in that dreadful situation
he is lost to all domestic happiness ; the hapless
man is then particularly anxious to shun the
society of those whose peace he has ruined.
Should therefore one party or the other be in-
clined to dissipation, it will be advisable to put
a stop to the growing evil in time, and to con-
fide the management of all pecuniary affairs tp
that party which can husband the purse best.
It will also be needful that a regular plaa should
be formed, to repair the mischief which already
has been done, to execute it strictly, to avoid all
expences which are not utterly necessary, and
to take care that something should be left for
enabling the dissipating party to enjoy at least
some pleasures, lest the restriction should be too
onerous.

XIX. IP my readers should ask, Whether

220" PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

it will be better if the husband or the wife be
rich ? I must give it as my opinion that it is
best if the former have the larger fortune. It
will be well if both have some property to con-
tribute a mutual share to the expences of house-
keeping, and to prevent one party from being
maintained entirely at the cost of the other.
But if the dcpendance to which the poorer party
naturally will be reduced on that account can-
not be avoided, it is more consistent with nature
that the husband, being the head of the family,
should contribute the larger share towards sup-
porting it. A person who marries a rich wife
ought to take great care to avoid becoming her
slave on that account. .j

The little attention which is paid to this rule
of prudence is the principal cause which de~
stroys the happiness of numerous families. If
my wife had brought me a large fortune I would
be particularly solicitous to prove to her that I
have but few wants ; I would incur very few
private expences, and convince her that I can
acquire by my own industry as much as I want ;
I would pay for my board, and be only the adr
ministrator of her fortune ; I would keep a
splendid house, because this is fit for rich people,
but show her that splendour does not flatter my

OP SOCIAL LIFE. Ill

vanity, that I can be as happy if I have but two
dishes at dinner as if I had twenty ; that I do
not want being waited upon ; that I have a pair
of sound legs which can carry me as far, though
not so fast, as her coach and four ; and then I
would exercise the prerogative of a husband,
and demand an unlimited controul over the ap-
plication of her fortune.

XX. Is it necessary that the husband should
possess a larger share of prudence and judgment
than the wife ? This question is also of no small
importance ; therefore let us investigate it more
minutely !

The notion of prudence and judgment, with
all its relations and modifications, is not always
understood in the same manner. The prudence
of a husband ought to be of a quite different
nature from what the wife should possess ; and
if prudence be confounded with knowledge of
the world, or even with learning, it would be
madness to desire that the other sex should rea-
lize as much of it as men. A wife ought to
possess an esprit de dttn'il, a finesse, a certain
degree of innocent dexterity, circumspection,
wit, gentleness, pliancy and patience which the
male sex do not always possess in the same
measure. The husband, on the other hand,

3

PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

ought to be endowed with a higher degree of
foresight, firmness and pertinacy, less subject to
prejudices, and more indefatigable and polished
than the wife.

If you take that question in a more general
sense, and ask, Whether it be better if the hus-
band possess weaker intellects and a smaller
share of knowledge in matters which must be
understood rightly if we wish to live happy in
the world, or the wife ? I reply without hesita-
tion, that it is almost impossible a family could
be governed well if the wife bear an absolute
sway. There may be exceptions, but I know
of none. By this observation, however, I do
not mean to reflect any blame on the influence
which good and prudent wives contrive to exer-
cise over the heart of their husbands ; for who
could blame a deserving wife for applying her
powers to that purpose, and what reasonable
man is not sensible that he frequently wants
gentle corrections ? That exclusive arbitrary
sway of which we were speaking, seems to be
diametrically contrary from the order of nature.
A weaker constitution of the body, an innate
predilection for gratifications that are less lasting,
whims of all sorts which often fetter the under-
standing on the most important occasions, edit-

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 223

cation, and finally the civil constitution which
renders the husband responsible for the actions
of his wife, design her to look out for protection,
and demand of the husband to be her guardian.
Nothing however is more absurd than if the
wiser and stronger party be to commit itself to
the protection of the weak and less wise. Ladica
of eminent mental accomplishments act, there-
fore, evidently contrary to their own interest,
and prepare for themselves numerous disagree-
able scenes in suffering themselves to be seduced
by a desire for dominion, to look out for and
choose stupid husbands ; the inevitable conse-
quences of such an improper and imprudent
choice are disgust, confusion, and the contempt
of the public. Men who are so poor in spirit as
not to be capable of acting the part of the mas-
ter of the house properly, would do better to
remain single all their life than to render them-
selves a laughing-stock to their children, their
domestics and neighbours. I knew a weak
prince, whose consort exercised such an abso-
lute control over him, that once when she had
ordered her carriage to be got ready, he sneaked
into the court yard to ask the coachman, " If
he knew whether he was to be of the party."
Stich a disgraceful want of authority renders a

1

224 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

husband extremely ridiculous, and no one likes
to transact business with a man whose wilj,
friendship, and manner of judging depends on
the whims, nods, and corrections of his wife,
who is obliged to communicate all his letters to
his governess, and dares not to undertake any
thing until he has held a curtain-consultation
with his tutoress. A husband ought not to
deny his authority even in his civility to his con-
sort. Even the female sex despise a man who,
before he can take a resolution, first must con-
sult with his wife, always carries her cloak, is
afraid of going into a company where she is not
present, or must dismiss his most faithful ser-
vants if his dear helpmate dislike their phy-
siognomy.

XXI. THE life of man is interspersed with
numberless troubles. Even those that seem to
be the favourites of fortune have frequently to
struggle with secret sufferings, no matter whe-
ther they be real or imaginary, unmerited or
self-created. Very few wives have sufficient
spirits patiently to bear misfortunes, to give
good advice in time of need, and to assist their
husbands in bearing the burthens that must be
borne. Most of them add to the troubles of
their consorts by complaining unseasonably, by

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 225

talking incessantly of the state in which matters
might be, were the circumstances different from
what they are, or even sometimes by ill-timed
and unjust reproaches. If therefore it be any-
wise possible to conceal trifling misfortunes from
your wife (adverse incidents of an important
nature very seldom admit of it,) rather lock up
your uneasiness in your heart ! besides, it is no
consolation to a sensible man to make the object
of his tenderness a sharer in his sorrows ; and
who would not conceal his grief and expose him-
self singly to the storms of adversity, if the dis-
closure of his distress be not only useless, but
renders his burden more onerous ? But should
Providence involve you in great distress, or
afflict you with pungent pains which admit of
no concealment ; should the iron rod of unre-
lenting fate or powerful enemies persecute you,
oh ! then summon your whole firmness, and
endeavour to sweeten the bitterness of the cup
of misery which the faithful partner of your life
must empty with you ! Watch over your hu-
mour, lest you should add to the affliction of the
innocent ! Retire to your own apartment when
your heart grows too heavy, and there ease your
mind by prayer and giving vent to your tears.
VOL. i. Q

PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

Strengthen and steel your heart by the aid of
philosophy, by confidence in GOD, hope and
wise resolutions, and then appear before your
consort with a serene countenance, to pour the
balsam of comfort in her soul. No misery in
this world is endless, and no pain so great as not
to admit of intervals of alleviation. A certain
heroism in the struggles against misfortune is
attended with a pleasure which makes us forget
the most pungent afflictions, and the conscious-
ness of liaving administered comfort and conso-
lation to others elevates our heart in an astonish-
ing degree, and conveys an unspeakable hilarity
to the mind. I am speaking from experience.

XXII. We have laid it down as a principle,
that a perfect harmony of thinking and temper
is no necessary requisite of matrimonial happi-
ness ; it cannot however be denied, that the
state of a married man is a very lamentable one,
if the wife take no warm interest at all in mat-
ters which appear important, and are interesting
to the husband. We are truly miserable if we
must look out among strangers for sympathizing
sharers in our innocent enjoyments and sor-
rows, and in every thing that occupies our mind
and heart. I pity the man whose phlegmatic

OF SOCIAL H*E. 227

wife mixes water with every drop of joy which
the hand of rosy-coloured fancy administers to
his lips ; rousing him from every blissful dream
of happiness, returning frigid replies to his
wannest discourses, and destroying the fairest
creations of his imagination by her want of fel-
low-feeling. But what is to be done in such a
situation ? The best advice I can give to un-
fortunate husbands of this class is, to make use
of Job's specific, to abstain from moralizing, if
no amendment is to be expected, to be silent, if
his words make no impression, and to avoid all
opportunities that could occasion scenes which
might enrage him beyond measure, or expose
him to the danger of seeing his wife's stupi-
dity publicly ridiculed ! This will enable him
to enjoy, at least, a tolerable share of negative
happiness.

But what is to be done if Fate or our own
folly should have chained us for ever to a being,
who, on account of her moral defects or even
vices, is undeserving of the love and regard of
good people ; if our consort imbitter our life
by a morose and vicious temper, and distress us
by envy, avarice, or unreasonable jealousy ; or
if she render herself contemptible by a false
and artful heart, or be given to brutish lust and

u 2

229 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

drunkenness ? I need not to observe that many
an honest man may be innocently involved in
such a labyrinth of v/oe, if love blind his youth-
ful judgment ; as the most vicious dispositions
are frequently concealed, in the bridal state, by
the most beautiful masks. It is also but too
well known that many a husband by imprudent
management occasions the shooting up of vices
and bad habits, the seeds of which lie concealed
in the heart of his wife. It would however lead
me too far from my purpose, were I to give
rules how to act in every individual situation of
this kind I shall therefore make only a few
general observations on that head. In situations
of such a nature we must pay particular regard
to the preservation of our own peace, to our
children and domestics, and to the public.
Concerning ourselves, I would advise every one
that is reduced to such a lamentable situation
not to have recourse to complaints, reproaches,
and quarrels, if he see that there be no hope
left of correcting his vicious consort, but to use,
with as much privacy as possible, such remedies
as reason, probity and honour shall point out as
the most efficacious. Act after a well-digested
plan, devised with as much coolness of temper
as possible. Ponder well whether a separation

OP SOCIAL LIFE.

be necessary, or by whatever other means you
can render your situation tolerable, if it cannot
be ameliorated, and do not suffer yourself to be
diverted from the prosecution of the measures
you have adopted by the semblance of amend-
ment or caresses. However, never degrade
yourself so far as to suffer your being tempted
by tlic heat of your temper to treat your con-
sort with harshness and severity ; for this would
be adding fuel to the flame, and render your
situation worse. Finally, perform your duties
with additional strictness the more frequently
your wife transgresses her obligations ; thus you
preserve a good conscience, which is the best
and firmest supporter in every misfortune.
With regard to your children, domestics and
the public, prudence bids you to conceal your
affliction as much as possible. Discord between
married people has always a bad influence on
the education of their children. Therefore, if
you cannot conceal your displeasure at your
consort's temper and conduct, the happiness of
your children requires you should separate your-
self from them, and intrust their education to
the skilful hands of a stranger rather than let
them be witnesses of your conjugal dissensions.
The domestics of a married couple, whose disr

230 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

cord breaks out in open quarrels,, are but too
apt to revolt against the laws of subordination,
fidelity and candour ; parties are formed, and
talebearing is encouraged ; therefore carefully
avoid quarrelling with your wife in the presence
of your servants. If public dissensions prevail
among married people, the innocent party as
well as the guilty forfeits the regard of his fel-
low-citizens, which ought to put you on your
guard not to communicate your domestic mis-
fortunes to strangers.

XXIV. Officious friends, old women, aunts
and cousins are very apt to interfere on such
occasions. But suffer no person whatsoever to
intrude upon your domestic concerns without
your leave. Repel all such officious intruders
with manly firmness. People of a good dispo-
sition are reconciled without the interference of
a mediator, and upon malignant minds his best
efforts will have no influence. Pray that heaven
may not curse you with one of those antiquated
mothers in-law who pretend to know every
thing better than their children, and want to
direct under every circumstance though they
should be destitute even of common sense ; who
make it their business to breed and to keep up
quarrels, and to conspire with cooks, house-

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 231

keepers and chamber-maids to explore, out of
Christian charity, the secrets of your neighbours.
Should you however, unfortunately have ob-
tained such a baneful piece of furniture along
\vith your wife, I would advise your not omit-
ting, the first time she attempts to meddle with
your domestic affairs, to repel her pious service*
in such a manner as may terrify her from making
a second attempt of that nature ! But there are
also good and worthy mothers-in-law, who love
the consorts of their children with true ma-
ternal tenderness, give them the best advice,
and therefore ought to be esteemed a valuable
acquisition, and venerated as guardian angels or
a beloved and amiable wife.

Quarrels between husband and wife ought
generally to be settled by themselves ; or should
matters have proceeded too far, before the pro-
j>er courts of justice, all intermediate instances
arc dangerous, and all mediators and protectors
of the suffering party chosen from among
strangers do more harm than good. The hus-
band ought to be master in his own house, be-
ing thus ordained by nature and reason ! He
must by no means suffer this dominion to be
wrested from him, and even maintain his ground

PBAfcTICAL PHILOSOPHY

firmly when his wiser wife opposes her secret
power over his heart to his authority.

XXV. All these rules are, perhaps, appli-
cable only to persons of the middle class ; peo-
ple of high rank and great wealth are but rarely
susceptible of domestic happiness, live generally
on a very ceremonious footing with their con-
sorts, and therefore are in want of no other
rules but those which a polished education pre-
scribes ; and as they commonly have a system
of morals of their own, they will find in this
chapter but very little that suits them.

CHAPTER VII.

Rules for Lovers and those that converse ivith
them.

SECTION I.

AT is difficult, if not impossible, to converse
reasonably with people who are in love ; they
are as unfit for social conversation as those who
are intoxicated ; they live only for their idol,
and care little or nothing for anything else. If

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 233

you cannot avoid frequenting their society, and
wish to live on an amicable footing with them,
you must carry with you a sufficient stock of
patience to be enabled to hear them talk of the
object of their tenderness without yawning ;
and you may be sure to gain their good opinion
if you can prevail upon yourself to show on such
occasions an interest for their concerns, or not
be provoked by their follies and eccentricities in
case their love should be kept secret, not watch
them, or appear to have any knowledge of their
passion, though the whole town be apprized of
the secret (which is often the case) and finally
not to irritate their jealousy.

This being all that I have to say on this sub-
ject, except a few collateral remarks, which I
beg leave to subjoin, viz. If you wish for a
judicious friend who is to assist you with his
advice, or to interest himself in your behalf
with firmness and unshaken diligence, you will
be sadly disappointed in choosing a person who
is in love. If on the contrary, you be desirous
to meet with a sympathizing and sentimental
friend, whom you expect to whine and sigh
with you, to lend you money without demand-
ing security, to subscribe to your works, to
assist you in relieving the distressed, in pacify-

234 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

ing an enraged father, joining you in the exe-
cution of some romantic prank, keeping you
company in your follies, or in applauding your
verses, you will undoubtedly do well to apply,
as occasion may require, either to a happy or
an unsuccessful lover !

It would be useless to prescribe rules for
lovers how to act when they are in company
with the object of their tenderness ; as these
people are not often thoroughly collected, it
would be as great folly to demand of them an
observance of certain modes in their conversa-
tion with the object of their wishes, as it would
be to desire a madman to rage in verse; or a
person who has the tooth-ache to groan to
music. Yet surely something may be said, the
observation of which would prove salutary, could
it only be hoped that such people would pay
attention to the dictates of reason.

III. The first love creates astonishing re-
volutions in the manner of thinking and the
whole nature of man. A person who never was
in love can form no idea of the bliss which
the conversation of lovers affords them, while
those that have trafficked too long with their
heart lose all susceptibility for sensations of that
nature.

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 235

The first declaration of love produces most
wonderful effects. A person who has frequently
trifled with his heart, and been in love with dif-
ferent females, will not indeed find it difficult
to express his sentiments on a propitious op-
portunity, if he should feel inclined once more
to pay his devoirs at the shrine of Love ; and
the coquette knows well enough what answer
she must return on such an occasion : she pre-
tends at first not to believe that he is serious,
apprehends that the gentleman is going to di-
vert himself at her cxpence, that the reading of
novels has turned his brains, or if he urge his
suit with more importunity, and she thinks it
time for her to be convinced by degrees that he
is in earnest, she beseeches him in the first in-
stance to spare her weakness, and not to betray
her into a confession which would make her
blush ; then the enraptured lover offers to press
the sweet charmer to his heart, and protests he
is the happiest creature in the world, but the
offended fair one solemnly assures him that she
will never permit such liberties to be taken with
her, and very gravely reminds him that the
laws of probity and honour require that he should
spare her weakness, while she dispenses her fa-
vours with the most frugal ceconomy to enjoy

PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

the pretty romance the longer ; and if nothing
will serve to protract the closing scene any fur-
ther, a quarrel is called to her assistance to put
off the happy moment in which the last favour
is to be granted.

People of this class, however, feel nothing at
all during their amorous dalliance, laugh at the
farce when they are by themselves, can calculate
with the greatest accuracy how far they shall
have advanced in a day or two, and enjoy a
sound and undisturbed sleep notwithstanding
the apparent cruelty of their charmer.

The case is different with two innocent hearts,
\vho, being warmed the first time by the genial
fire of love, wish to give vent to their blissful
and guiltless sensations, and yet cannot take
courage to declare by words what their eyes and
gestures have so frequently and plainly expressed.
The young man looks tenderly at the object of
his love. She blushes ; her looks betray an un.-
easy and flurried mind when he converses too
long or with too much apparent freedom with
another female ; indignation flashes in his
eyes, he scarcely can refrain from giving vent
to his anger, if with a smiling countenance she
whisper something to a stranger, and his every
action upbraids the thoughtless maid ; the re.-

OF SOCIAL LlPfi. 237

proach is felt, immediate satisfaction is given ;
the offensive conversation is suddenly termi-
nated ; the reconciled lover thanks the atoning
fair one by a tender smile, and the clouds which
enveloped his brow are instantly dispelled by
cheerfulness, accompanied with the most lively
salliesof jocundity and good humour; assignations
are made by the eyes for the next day ; the lovers
mutually beg pardon, exculpate their conduct,
warn each other against the intrusion of ob-
servers, acknowledge their reciprocal rights
and nevertheless have not yet declared by a
single word what they feel for each other. Both
parties however arc anxious for an occasion of
coming to an explanation ; the long-sought op-
portunity offers at last, presents itself repeatedly,
and both suffer it to escape unimproved, or at
most only betray their sentiments by a tender
pressure of the hand, when a still more favour-
able unexpected occasion again offers itself, but
neither dare to utter their sentiments ; they are
thoughtful, doubt whether their Iqve be re-
turned, and tremblingly delay coming to an
ecclaircissementj although their passion be thefa-
ble of the whole town, and the object of the vilest
aspersion. When at length the timid confes-

238 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

sion breaks from the quivering lips, and is re-
turned with stammering and half stifled words,
attended by a convulsive pressure of the hand
that thrills the inmost fibres of the heart, and
electrifies, as it were, the whole frame ; then
we begin first to live entirely for each other,
care little for all the world, are blind to the ob-
servations and deaf to the whispers of those that
are near us, are happy in every company where
the object of our tenderness is present, fear not
the frowns of misfortune by her side, suspect
not that sickness, poverty and oppression may
overtake us on the flowery path of love, are at
peace with all the world, and care not for the
comforts of life. You who have seen such
blissful times, say ! is it possible to dream a
sweeter, happier dream ? Is one of all the fan-
tastic joys of life so innocent, natural and harm-
less as this ? Can any other sensation render us
so unspeakably happy, so gay and peaceful ?
What a pity it is, that that blissful state -of in-
chantmcnt cannot last for ever, and that we are
awakened but too frequently and too terribly
from that Elisean trance ?

IV. In the matrimonial state jealousy is a
dreadful evil that destroys all peace and happi-
ness, and every quarrel may be attended with

OP SOCIAL LIFE.

fatal consequences ; whereas in love, jealousy
creates variety and additional relish : nothing is
sweeter than the moment of reconciliation after
short quarrels, and such scenes serve to cement
the union more strongly. Bat dreadful is the
jealousy of a coquette, and you ought to trem-
ble at the vengeance of a woman whose love
you have scorned, or for whom your heart has
ceased to be interested, if she continue to covet
the possession of your person, no matter whe-
ther she be actuated by wanton desires, vanity
or caprice ! She will persecute you with furious
ire, and no kindness on your part, no forbear-
ance, no secrecy with regard to your former
connexion, nor all the civilities which you pay
her in public will save you from the dire effects
of her frantic passion, particularly if she have not
learnt to fear von.

c

V. MYSOGYNISTS declaim loudly, that the
fair sex do not love half so faithfully and firmly
as man does ; that vanity, curiosity, delight in
romantic adventures, or the calls of sensual
wants are the onlv charms which attract them
to our sex, and that we can count on female
fidelity only while we can gratify one or the
other of these passions and propensities, as time
and occasion require ; while others are of a dii-

24O PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

ferent opinion, and paint in the most charming
colours the firmness, cordiality and fire of the
female heart which is animated with love. The
former impute to the fair sex a larger share of
sensuality and irritability than of nobler senti-
ments, and pretend that no married man ought
to believe his wife if she assure him that she
possesses a cool temper ; whereas the latter
maintain that the purest and most sacred love,
destitute of all sensual desire, nay even of pas-
sion, can animate only a female bosom in its
intire fulness. I leave those to decide on the
merits of this subject, that possess a greater
knowledge of the female heart than myself. I
shall not venture to give my opinion on this
delicate point, though I have been an attentive
observer of the other sex during a long and fre-
quent intercourse with them. Thus much how-
ever I can presume to maintain, without injury
to either sex, that men cannot pretend with any
colour of truth to surpass women in fidelity and
fulness of love. The history of every age
affords numerous instances of women who,
scorning all difficulties and dangers, were
attached with the most surprising and unshaken
firmness to their lovers. I know of no greater
felicity than that which flows from such a cordial

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 241

and unconquerable love. Thoughtless minds
are to be met with as well amongst men as
amongst women; the whole human race are
subject to the desire of change; new impres-
sions, produced by a superiour degree of ami-
able qualities, no matter whether they be real
or imaginary, can supplant the liveliest senti-
ments; but I am almost tempted to say that
instances of infidelity are more numerous
amongst men than amongst women, but are less
noticed and make less noise than those of female
inconstancy ; we are more difficult to be fet-
tered for ever than the other sex, and it would
indeed be an easy task for me to state the real
causes of this phenomenon, did not the scope of
the present work prevent me from discussing
this point.

VI. TRUE and congenial love enjoys secretly
the blessings which attend it, and refrains not
only from priding itself with favours received,
but also scarcely dares to acknowledge to itself
the whole extent of its happiness. That period
in which we have not yet disclosed our love by
words, though we understand the mystic mean-
ing of every glance and every look of the be-
loved object, affords the happiest moments of
congenial and pure felicity. Those joys are

VOL. t. R

142 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

most enrapturing which we bestow and receive
without accounting for them to our under-
standing. The delicacy of our feelings fre-
quently prevents us from speaking of favours
which lose their greatest value, and can no
longer be reciprocated with propriety when
they are made subjects of discussion. We
grant silently what we are bound to refuse if it
be requested, or if it be visible that it is granted
premeditatedly.

VII. IN those years in which the heart is
but too apt to run away with the understanding,
many a thoughtless young man lays the founda-
tion of his future misery by a rash promise of
marriage. He recollects not in the trance of
love how serious and important such a step is,
and that this is the most difficult, dangerous
and indissoluble of all obligations which we can
take upon ourselves. He unites himself for
life with a being who appeared in his eyes
blended by passion, to be gifted with qualities
which experienceand the light of sober reason dis-
cover to him to have been merely delusory, when
too late he perceives that he has rendered him-
self unspeakably miserable by trusting to appear-
ances ; or he does not consider that such an
union adds to the wants, cares and labours of

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 243

life, and is forced to struggle by the side of a
beloved wife with want and sorrows, and
doomed to feel all the blows of adverse fate with
double force; or he breaks his promise, if his
eyes be opened before the indissoluble knot be
tied, and then he is tortured by the reproaches
of a polluted conscience But of what use are
sober advice and prudent counsel in the moment
of mental intoxication ? As for the rest, I refer
my readers to the XIV and XV sections of the
following chapter.

VIII. IP love and intimacy have attached
you to an amiable woman, and your bonds should
be dissolved either by adverse fate or incon-
stancy and fickleness on one part, or any other
cause, the laws of honour demand of you not to
act ungenerously after the connexion hasceased.
Do not suffer yourself to be tempted to take a
disgraceful revenge, nor to make an improper
use of letters and the confidence that was placed
in you. The man who is capable of aspersing
the character of a female who once was dear to
his heart, deserves the contempt of every honest
mind ; and how many who in other respects
are not over amiable, owe the favour to accom-
plished women, to approved discretion and deli-
cacy !

R2

244 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

CHAPTER VIII.
On Conversation with the Fair Sex.

SECTION I.

XJEFORE we proceed further I must observe,
that the notice which I am bound to take of the
defects of the female character in general, is in
nowise meant to depreciate the numerous good
qualities which we discover not only in indivi-
duals, but also in the whole sex. To be silent in
respect of the former in order to give the greater
lustre to the latter is the practice of a venal flat-
terer, a part for which I profess myself wholly
unqualified. Most writers however, who speak
of the female sex, seem to be particularly solici-
tous to descant only on their defects, which
system likewise equally militates against my
purpose. An authour who writes on the con-
versation with men, cannot avoid glancing at
those defects which we must tolerate and spare
if we wish to preserve Social Happiness. Either
sex, every rank and age, and every individual
character is subject to a variety of defects which
are so intwined with his nature as to appear

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 245

inherent. The scope of this work requires I
should speak of them as far as my knowledge
renders me competent for the task ; and my
readers I presume will find that I am not blind
to the virtues which render the conversation
between men and women, old and young people,
the wise and the ignorant, the rich and the poor,
a source of pleasure and happiness ; nor that I
mean to praise or censure any class at the
expense of its opposite. Thus much by way
of preface to this subject.

II. NOTHING is more adapted to give the
last polish to the education of a young man than
the conversation with virtuous and accomplished
women. Their society serves to smoothe the
rough edges of our character and to mellow our
temper. In short, the man who has never been
connected with females of the better class is not
only deprived of many of the purest pleasures,
but also will have little success in Social Life ;
and I should not like to be connected by the
bonds of friendship with a man who has a bad
opinion and speaks ill of the female sex in ge-
neral. I have spent the happiest hours of my
life in the society of amiable women ; and if I
have any commendable qualities, or if after
having been deceived so frequently by men and

246 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

fickle fortune, bitterness, vexation and resent-
ment have not expelled benevolence and love
from my soul, I owe the whole entirely to the
salutary impressions which female conversation
has made upon my mind.

III. WOMEN possess a peculiar facility in
discerning those men who sympathize with
them, feel interested in their conversation, and
can accommodate themselves to their tone. We
should be very unjust were we to maintain, that
personal beauty only can produce lively impres-
sions upon their minds ; the contrary being fre-
quently the case. I know young men of the
most striking personal appearance who are very
unsuccessful with the fair sex, while those whose
form is far from being handsome are great fa-
vourites with them. There is a peculiar method
of rendering ourselves agreeable to the sex,
which can be learnt only of themselves ; and
the man who is ignorant of it will never succeed
in ingratiating himself with them, how great so-
ever his personal and mental accomplishmentsbe.
There are men who shamefully abuse the power
which they possess of pleasing the ladies ;
those that are trusted with adult daughters, and
being allowed at all times free access to the un-
suspecting fair, having first acquired the sem-
1

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 247

blance and character of harmless creatures, arc
permitted to sport the most wanton jokes, and
frequently indulged with opportunities which
prove lamentable preludes to certain and bitter
repentance. The abuse of that art however
does not condemn its proper application. A
small tincture of female gentleness, though not
degenerating into unmanly weakness ; favours,
but neither so great nor so particular as to at-
tract public notice, or demand greater in return,
nor yet so private as to be overlooked, or not at
all valued ; polite marks of attention on trifling
occasions, which scarcely admit of thanks, and
consequently convey no obligation, seem to be
free from pretension, yet nevertheless are under-
stood and valued ; a kind of ocular language,
though very different from amorous ogling,
which is understood and felt by a tender and
sensible heart without requiring the assistance
of words ; a nice delicacy in displaying certain
.sentiments ; a free and open conversation, which
must never degenerate into impudent and vul-
gar familiarity ; at times a look of soft melan-
choly ; a certain romantic enthusiasm which
borders neither on the sentimental nor the ad-
venturous ; modesty without timidity ; intre-
pidity, courage and vivacity ; agility of body,

248 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

skill, nimbleness and pleasing talents these, I
think, arc most conducive to gain us the favour
of the fair sex.

IV. THE consciousness of being in want of
protection, and the belief that man is a being
\vho can afford it, is also implanted by nature
in the mind of those women who have firmness
and resolution enough to protect themselves.
For this reason even ladies of a meek and gentle
disposition feel a kind of aversion from men
who are weak and infirm. They have the ten-
derest compassion for suffering people ; as for
instance for wounded or sick persons, but
habitual and lasting infirmities, which impede
the free use of bodily and mental faculties, will
undoubtedly deprive you of the affection of
even the most chaste and modest woman.

^ V. THE ladies have frequently been ac-
cused of feeling a particular interest for liber-
tines and rakes. If this be true, I cannot see
why it should be so very reprehensible as many
seem to think. If the consciousness of their
innate weakness render them more tolerant than
we are, this does honour to their heart : how-
ever, it is but just to confess that we are actuated
frequently by envy to censure such happy cri~
minals j whereas we arc secretly pleased with a

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 24Q

Lovelace, and other polished rakes, when we be-
hold them only on paper and on the stage.
The cause of this phenomenon originates, most
probably, in an obscure sensation, which tells us
that deviations of this sort require a certain acti-
vity and energy which always create interest.
As for the rest, it has been observed that most
ladies are tolerant only to handsome men and
ugly women.

^ VI. I must also observe, that cleanliness
and elegance of dress serve very much to re-
commend us to the ladies, and that they are
very kecnsighted in discovering the smallest in-
attention in these particulars.

VII. AVOID paying homage in a similar
manner to several ladies at one time and in the
same place, if you be bent on obtaining the
affection and favour of an individual female ;
they will forgive us trifling acts of faithlessness,
nay, they will sometimes like us the better on
that account ; but at the moment in which we
are speaking to them of our sentiments, we must
feel what our lips utter and show that they are
the sole object and cause of our sensations. All
is over if they perceive that we address our ten-
der discourses to every woman who comes in

25O PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHT

our way ; for they are desirous to possess our
affection undivided.

VIII. Two ladies who have pretensions of
the same nature, no matter whether they be
founded on beauty, learning, or any other ac-
complishment, agree but rarely in the same
company ; yet they may at times be recon-
ciled in some degree ; but if a third, who has
the same pretensions, should unfortunately join
their circle, we must give up all ideas of check-
ing the rising tempest, which inevitably M ill
break out on the slightest occasion.

Therefore, take particular care in the pre-
sence of a lady who pretends to superiour talents
or anything else of that nature, not to praise
another too much for the same accomplishments,
especially if the latter be a rival of hers. All
persons who are conscious of their internal merit
and have a desire to shine, particularly ladies,
are apt to wish to be admired exclusively, no
matter whether it be on account of beauty,
taste, talents, or any other superiour quality.
Therefore, never speak of the likeness which
you perceive in the lady with whom you are
conversing and her children, or any other per-
son. The ladies have sometimes singular

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 251

whims, and it is frequently difficult to know
what ideas they have of themselves, and how
they wish to look. One affects simplicity, in-
nocence and artlessness ; another presumes to
possess grace, a noble air and dignity of deport-
ment ; a third delights to be told that her
features express a great deal of meekness and
good nature ; another wishes to be thought
firm, manly and high-spirited ; one pretends to
look very sickly and nervous, while another re-
joices to be told that she has a healthy and fresh
appearance. This weakness is trifling and in-
nocent, and you will do well in accommodating
yourself to such singularities.

IX. MOST ladies wish to be constantly
amused, and an entertaining companion is fre-
quently received better by them than a worthy
and grave man whose conversation is graced
with wisdom, but who prefers being silent to
engaging in idle talk. No subject, however,
is more entertaining to them than their own
praise, if it be uttered in a proper manner. An
aged matron will not be angry with you if you
discover traces of former beauty in her features ;
and many a mother of adult children will not
deem it an offence to be mistaken for her
daughter. It is generally a dangerous matter

252 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

to speak of the age of a lady, and if you be wise
you will not touch this subject at all. If you
know the art of giving them an opportunity of
appearing to advantage, your society will be
agreeable to them, though you should not be
able to amuse them much. But is not this the
case, more or less, with all men ? All mortals
are pleased to shine, but women in particular,
because we nourish their vanity from their in-
fancy, and but seldom give them an opportu-
nity of seeing their own defects in a proper
light.

X. CURIOSITY is a prominent feature of the
female character, and prudence requires we
should pay some attention to it in our conversa-
tion with the other sex, and endeavour to pro-
voke, to amuse and to satisfy it as circumstances
require. It is most singular to observe how far
this propensity sometimes will carry them.
Even the most compassionate of their sex have
frequently an irresistible desire to see scenes of
horror, executions, operations and the like, to
hear horrid stories and to view objects which
the firmer man cannot behold without aversion.
For this reason they are, in general, particularly
fond of reading such novels, and to see such
plays as are crowded with horrid incidents and

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 253

dreadful apparitions. For this reason some of
them have so strange a desire to explore the
secrets of others and to pry into the actions of
their neighbours, though malice, envy and
jealousy be not always the motive by which
they are actuated. Lord Chesterfield says;
" If you wish to ingratiate yourself with women,
" trust them with a secret !" He means, indeed,
only with one of no great importance. But
why only with a trifling one ? Are not many
women more discreet than men ? All depends
upon the object of the secret.

XI. EVEN the most excellent women are
more changeable in their humours and less con-
sistent at all times than men in general. This
arises from the greater irritability of their nerves,
which renders them easier to be affected, and
from the weakness of their frame, which exposes
them to many unpleasant sensations of which
we have no notion. Be not therefore asto-
nished, my friends, if you think, you do not
meet every day with the same degree of sym-
pathy and love in the object of your affection.
Bear patiently with these transient humours,
but take care not to intrude upon them in such
moments of irritability and ill-temper, to tor-
ment them with your wit or to offer unseason-

254 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

able consolation. Endeavour to find out what
they like best to hear in every particular disposi-
tion of mind, and wait patiently for the moment
when they are sensible of the value of your in-
dulgence and forbearance, and disposed to atone
for their errors.

XII. The female sex sometimes find a cer-
tain pleasure in teazing others, and giving un-
easiness even to those persons who are dearest
to them. This also is the effect of their hu-
mour, and not of a bad and malignant dispo-
sition. If you bear these transient bursts of ill-
humour with patience and good-nature, and
are careful to avoid widening the trifling dif-
ference into a formal breach by passionate be-
haviour, the fair tormentor will-, soon atone for
the injuries which you suffer by additional
kindness, and you will obtain one claim more
to her affection.

XIII. In such and all petty contentions
and differences with the other sex we must yield
them the triumph of fhe moment, and be care-
ful of not exposing them to ridicule ; their va-
nity for this would never forgive us.

XIV. It is almost needless to repeat here
what has been asserted already so often, that
the resentment of an ill-tempered and malig-

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 255

nant woman is dreadful, cruel and extremely
difficult to be appeased. It indeed almost sur-
passes belief how expert such furies are in find-
ing out means to torment and persecute an ho-
nest man, by whom they conceive themselves
to have been offended, how implacable their
hatred is, and in how mean and degrading a
manner they sometimes satisfy their thirst for
vengeance. The author of this observation has
had the misfortune to experience this in a most
painful degree. A single thoughtless step of
his early youth, bv which the pride and vanity
of a woman, who had injured him first, were
offended, was the cause of his meeting with in-
surmountable difficulties and opposition where-
ever he afterwards was obliged, by his fate, to
apply for assistance and protection. The fiend-
like malignity of that woman instigated calum-
niators of the blackest cast to precede him with
the foulest aspersions, to oppose all his actions,
and to ruin every plan which he formed for the
benefit of his family. The greatest prudence
and circumspection were incapable to ward off
the effects of her hatred, and even his public
acknowledgment that he was sensible of the in-
jury which he had offered her, was insufficient
to reconcile her revengeful spirit. This impla-

256 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

cable woman ceased not to persecute him, until
at last he resigned every thing that rendered the
assistance of others necessary, and confined
himself entirely to a domestic existence, of which
she cannot rob him. And that woman is a
princess, who has it in her power to render
thousands happy, and has been gifted by nature
with the most excellent abilities and uncommon
personal charms.

As for the rest, we observe in general, that
the weaker are always more cruel in their ven-
geance than the strong, because, perhaps, the
consciousness of that weakness renders the sense
of the injury which they suffer more acute,
and makes them more eager to find an oppor-
tunity of trying their strength, for once at
least.

XV. A PHILOSOPHICAL tFeatise of Professor
Meiners on the question, " Whether it be in
our power to fall in love, or to resist the influ-
ence of this passion at pleasure ?" leaves me
little room for hoping that I shall be able to
say anything new on the means which we must
use to preserve our liberty in . our conversation
with amiable women. Love, indeed, is a sweet
tormentor, which surprises us when we are least
aware of it, and in consequence commonly

OF SOCIAL LIFE. 257

begin to counteract it when it is too late ; yet
it is but too often attended with bitter suffer-
ings and the ruin of all peace and happiness ;
for hopeless love is one of the most dreadful
evils, and external relations sometimes throw
insurmountable obstacles in the way even of
the noblest and tenderest inclinations ; it will
be useful, particularly for a person whom nature
has gifted with a lively temper and a warm ima-
gination, to endeavour to obtain a certain de-
gree of dominion over his sensibility and feel-
ings, and if he find himself unequal to the task
to flee the temptation. To be beloved and
incapable of returning love for love is extremely
distressing to a feeling heart ; it is a dreadful
situation to love without having any hope of
success ; and it is sufficient to fill the heart
with black despair when we are doomed to reap
infidelity and imposition for faithful and un-
bounded affection. The man who has found
out infallible means to obviate all this, has dis-
covered the philosopher's stone -I confess I
have not ; and know no other than timely
flight.

XVI. There are villains who have so little
regard for the virtue, probity and peace of their
fellow-creatures, as not to scruple seducing in-

VOL, i. S

258 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

nocent and inexperienced girls by insidious
arts, or at least to delude them by false expecta-
tions, and even by the promise of marriage ;
thus procuring for themselves some moments of
transient gratification, but afterwards abandon
the unhappy victims of their sensuality, who on
their account declined every other connexion,
and are but too often ruined for life by the in-
famous duplicity of such unprincipled wretches.
The ignominy of such conduct must be obvious
to every one that has the least spark of love for
honour and justice left in his bosom ; and for
those that are entirely destitute of these feelings
I do not write. There is, however, another
kind of conduct, which in its consequences is
no less dangerous, though it be not equally
criminal in point of motive ; and I must beg
leave to address a few words of admonition to
my readers respecting the same. Many of our
sex are of opinion, that the conversation with
young ladies cannot be at all interesting unless
they flatter their vanity, or let their words and
gestures bespeak a certain degree of warmth
and affection. This serves not only to nou-
rish the already too great propensity of the
other sex to vanity, but also induces them to
mistake every peculiar degree of attention which

OP SOCIAL LIFE. 259

we show them for an offer of marriage. The
fop is not sensible of this, or if he should per-
ceive it is too thoughtless to reflect on the con-
sequences such an error may produce; he
relies upon the consciousness of having never
intimated such an offer in direct terms ; and
when he ceases paying his court to the deluded
fair one, she is rendered as unhappy as if he
had imposed upon her with the utmost preme-
ditation. The poor forsaken girl pines away
while disappointed hope rankles in her heart,
and the heedless and unthinking youth pays
similar addresses to others, without even suspect-
ting the mischief he has done.

Another class of men destroy the peace of
inexperienced females either by irritating their
curiosity and sensuality by wanton discourses
and a luxuriant wit, or heating their imagina-
tion by instilling into their mind romantic ideas,
diverting their attention from those objects with
which they ought to occupy themselves agreeably
to their calling, destroy ing their sense of domestic
felicity, or rendering a young and simple coun-
try girl dissatisfied with her situation by amusing
her imagination with a seducing picture of the
pleasures of a town-life. A& I do not write

PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

merely to teach how we may be an agreeable,
but also how we must act to become an useful
companion, I conceive myself called upon by
my duty to warn against such conduct ; and
believe me, my young friends, all good and care*
ful parents will bless you, and cheerfully admit
you to their daughters ; nay, they will think
themselves happy in uniting their only child with
you if yon follow my advice, and thus ac-
quire the character of a prudent and conscien-
tious young man.

XVII. HERE I ought to say a few words
on the conversation with coquets and seducing
females; but as this subject presents a wide field
for observation, and having great reason to
apprehend that my labour would be attended
with little success, shall therefore be very con-
cise. The snares which a young man has to
dread are innumerable; and I advise my readers
to flee that class of females like the plague.
These reprobates are uncommon adepts in the
art of dissimulation, of lying with the greatest
impudence, and of affecting the most amiable
sentiments to gratify their vanity, sensuality,
vengeance or any other passion. It is extremely
difficult to discover whether a coquet loves
you really on your own account. Even the
3

OF SOCIAL LIFE. l6l

most unequivocal instances of disinterestedness
are no certain proofs that such an abandoned
woman loves you sincerely. She rejects, per-
haps, your silver to obtain the easier possession
of yourself and your gold; or her temper renders
her more eager to gratify her sensuality than to
satisfy her thirst for lucre. Should she have
resisted many temptations to impose upon you
with safety, displayed a tender care for your
fame and honour, should she not only never
attempt prevailing upon you to break off other
more natural and honourable connexions, but
rcadiiy'sacrifice to you beauty, youth, gain, splen-
dour and vanity ; this would prove nothing else
but that even a coquet at times may possess
some good and amiable qualities, and prudence
would nevertheless demand you to be on your
guard and not to trust her too implicitly. A
woman who disregards chastity and modesty,
the first and most sacred of all female virtues,
cannot possibly have any regard for more delicate
duties. I do not however mean to degrade all
unhappy, fallen and seduced females to the
contemptible class of coquets and prostitutes.
True love can frequently call an erring heart to
virtue. It has been often maintained that a
ivoman who knows the danger from experience,

2()2 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

is more difficult to be seduced than another who
has never been led into temptation ; however,
this kind of deviation renders sincere amend-
ment at all times very precarious, and no situa-
tion is more humiliating and distressing for a
sensible man, than to sec the person dear to his
heart despised by others, and to have reason to
blush at the bonds which are sucred to him and
constitute the happiness of his life. As for the
rest, pure and virtuous love is the best guar-
dian of our innocence, and the conversation
with chaste and accomplished women purifies
the juvenile sense for virtue, and arms the heart
of a young man against all studied and lustful
artifices of seducing females. I must observe
on this occasion, that it is extremely hard and
unjust, that men should scruple so little in excu-
sing all manner of libidinous excesses committed
by those of our own sex, while we are disincli-
ned to forgive the least deviation from the path
of virtue of which a person of the other sex is
guilty, who from their earliest youth are tempted
by our artifices to listen to the voice of sin, and
to give way to the powerful allurements of
seduction.

It is frequently maintained that every woman
can be seduced ; should this assertion be deemed

OF SOCIAL LIPS. 26j

true ; or should we scout the idea as rank ca-
lumny ? It is but justice to confess, this can be
denied as little as that the virtue of every son of
Eve is liable to give way, if his weak side be
attacked, and internal as well as external cir-
cumstances come to the aid of the artful seducer.
But what does this prove ? It proves no more
than we all are frail vessels. If we at the same
time consider, that the senses of the other sex
in general are more irritable than ours, and if
we reflect upon the powerful charms of seduc-
tion, flattery, curiosity and vanity with which
they arc constantly beset, and that even the
smallest spot of that sort cannot escape obser-
vation, because they have no civil relation, and
cannot palliate their deviations by those higher
virtues which our situation and connexion with
the state enable us to exhibit, it would be highly
unjust not to have patience with them, or to
censure every false step into which they are be-
trayed by our sex with too much severity. But
let us dismiss this subject, and turn ourselves
to a higher class of females to the learned
ladies.

$ XVIII. I CANNOT but acknowledge that I
am always seized with a kind of shivering,
\s hen I am placed in company near a woman

PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

who pretends to learning. It is to be wished
that the ladies would consider, that nothing
renders them more amiable and interesting
than to see them strictly adhere to the sim-
ple destination of nature, and anxious to dis-
tinguish themselves by a faithful performance
of the duties of their calling. What will it
avail them to attempt rivaling men in pursuits
for which they are unequal, and of which they
are frequently uninformed of the first rudiments,
which are inculcated into boys as soon as they
begin to use the faculty of reasoning. There
are ladies who very often put professed men of
learning to the blush by the penetration and
acuteness of their judgment, by their uncom-
mon talents, exquisite accomplishments, their
philosophical turn of mind and clearness of
expression and diction. But how small, compa-
ratively speaking, is the number of such ladies,
and how wrong, would it be to deduce from
these exceptions a general rule ! Besides it is an
indispensable duty of every friend to domestic
and Social Happiness, not to encourage midd-
ling female geniuses to aspire, at the expense of
their own felicity and that of others, at a height
which- so few of them are capable of attaining.
It undoubtedly is laudable in a lady to cndca-

OP SOCIAL LIFE, 1&5

your rendering her conversation and stile of
writing graceful by study and the assistance of
chaste and elegant literature ; but it certainly
cannot be inferred from this, that a woman is
to range through all the numerous branches of
learning. It ever creates pity if not disgust,
when we hear such infatuated pretenders to
learning boldly decide upon those important
subjects of erudition, which for centuries have
baffled the laborious study of the most eminent
of the literati, who have not been ashamed to
confess their being unable to comprehend them
perfectly ; and to hear an infatuated woman
decide upon them at tea-table, in the most
peremptory manner, while she scarcely has a
clear idea of the subject in question, cannot fail
exciting the strongest emotions of pity and con-
tempt. Nevertheless, the crowd of fops and
admirers pays the most extravagant applause to
the uncommon knowledge of the learned lady,
thereby confirming her in her unfortunate infa-
tuation. Thus being led to look upon the most
important concerns of her family, upon the edu-
cation of her children and the good opinion of
her unlearned acquaintances and connexions as
mere trifles, believing herself intitled to shake off
fhc yoke of domestic subordination, slighting

PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

all other women, rendering herself and her hus-
band odious, and dreaming incessantly of ideal
worlds, her imagination opposes the dictates of
sound reason, and all the domestic affairs are
thrown into disorder and confusion ; the vic-
tuals are brought upon table cold or half raw;
debts are heaped upon debts ; the, poor husband
must go abroad with torn stockings; when he
pants for the enjoyment of domestic pleasures,
his learned helpmate entertains him with quota-
tions from pamphlets, magazines and reviews^
or presses him to listen to a recital of her lame
verses, and reproaches him severely with being
insensible of the inestimable value of the trea-
sure which to his torment he is blessed with.

I hope the candid reader will not tax me with
having drawn this picture with too mnch aspe-
rity. Amongst the fifteen or twenty authoresses
who make the press groan from time to time
with the productions of their pens, I know of
scarcely half a dozen who being confessedly
geniuses of a superior class, have a real calling
to cultivate the field of literature ; and these
ladies are so amiable, neglect their domestic du-
ties so little, and are so sensible of the ridiculous
behaviour of their half-learned sisters, as to give
ttie sufficient reason to be persuaded, that they

OP SOCIAL LIFE.

will not think themselves pointed at or offended
by the picture which I have delineated in the
antecedent lines.

But may it not also be said of the authours of
our sex, that but few of the great number of our
present writers have a real claim to excellency ?
Undoubtedly ! But we must observe, that some
allowance ought to be made to the latter, as
they may be misled by a desire for fame or gain,
which cannot well be admitted as an excuse for
the former, when they, with indifferent talents
and destitute of sufficient knowledge, venture
on a career which neither nature nor the civil
constitution has assigned to them. As for the
conversation with ladies who pretend to learn-
ing, it is obvious that if this claim be founded
on solid erudition, it must be extremely pleasant
and instructive ; but concerning those that
intrude themselves upon the republic of litera-
ture, notwithstanding their poverty of spirit, I
can give no better advice than to have patience
with their deplorable infatuation, and to take
care not to controvert their bold assertions by
arguments, or to attempt reforming their taste
if you cannot demean yourself so much as to
encrcase the servile herd of their admirers.

XIX THE female sex possess in a much
1

268 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY

higher degree than we do the gift of concealing
their real thoughts and sentiments. Even ladies
of less refined faculties are sometimes uncom-
mon adepts in the art of dissimulation. There
are instances in which this art affords them pro-
tection against the snares with which they are
beset by unprincipled men. The seducer may
be certain of succeeding when he sees that the
heart or sensuality of the ladies league with him
against their own principles ; it would therefore
be unjust to censure them for appearing some-
times different from what they really are ; yet
we ought not to overlook this in our conversa-
tion with the fair sex. We should be frequently
mistaken were we to believe that they are
always indifferent to those whom they treat
with visible coolness, or that they are at all times
particularly interested for others whom they
seem to distinguish, and with whom they con-
verse familiarly in public. They have fre-
quently recourse to that artifice for no other
purpose than concealing the real state of their
heart, and sometimes it is only the effect of
their humour or obstinacy, or intended merely
to torment a little the object of their affection,
To decypher the character of a woman com-
pletely requires a profound study of the female

OP SOCIAL LIFE.

heart, a long intercourse with the most accom-
plished persons of the sex ; in short, more than
the scope of these sheets permits me to say.

XX. I shall not enlarge upon the precau-
tion which the conversation with antiquated co-
quets requires ; nor shall I say anything with
regard to the prudes and devotees with whom a
man, as I am told, may take greater liberties in
private than in company, and with whom a.
close and entcrprizing man, as the wicked world
pretends, succeeds best. I shall also not say
anything of those antiquated gossips who, out
of mere charity and piety, expose the character
of their neighbours and acquaintances from time
to time, and consequently whom we must not
provoke I shall be silent about females of that
description, because I should be sorry to chal-
lenge the resentment of these good ladies, and
take this opportunity of declaring that I do not
believe a word of the calumnies with which a
wicked world asperses their immaculate honour.

XXI. Before I conclude this chapter, I beg
leave to say a few words more on the happiness
which flows from the conversation of good and
accomplished women. I have already observed,
that I owe to the conversation with them the
happiest hours of my life, and, indeed, I have

270 PRACTICAL PHILOSOPHY, &C.

reason to acknowledge it. Their tender sensi-
bility, their ability to divine and comprehend
every thing so quickly, to read the sentiments
of the heart in the countenance ; their nice
sense of those little favours which contribute
so much to sweeten life, their charming and
artless wit, their frequent and uncommonly just
judgments, unbiassed by learned, systematic
and prejudiced opinions ; their inimitably ami-
able humour, interesting even in its ebbs and
floods ; their patience in long and painful suf-
ferings, though they should in the first moment,
when the affliction comes upon them, distress
their consorts by complaints; the gentleness with
\\hich they comfort, nurse and forbear ; the in-
nocent loquacity and frankness with which they
enliven society all this I know and esteem ;
and which ought, I think, to convince the candid
reader, that the few observations I was bound
to make to the disadvantage of some of the
fair sex, did not originate in censoriousness or
malice.

END OP THE FIRST VOLUME.

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